Is there hope?
Forums:
I am wondering. Is there hope that any of these step-parenting situations that are ugly now will someday work out? My two (basically adult but don't behave anywhere near their age) stepdaughters and their lovely mother absolutely hate me and are taking it out by mostly refusing to see their Dad. The one will see him occasionally...the other not really at all. Now, I know I am different...but most people don't hate me.
Wow... it sounds like your DH
Wow... it sounds like your DH just married you so you would keep him company and for him to have access to regular sex... I divorced my first husband because I felt like a "bothersome irritation"... why do you allow him to treat you like an after thought?
BTW, I sympathize with your situation...but DH has the ability to stop it and if not, why not? Doesn't your happiness count too?
hey there...I don't know if
hey there...I don't know if there is hope..I've been a sm 8.5 years, my ss is now 9...he and I have always gotten along great, but his mom hates me (although she has never met me) tells everyone I'm ugly, I'm mean, I'm this and that(I've had strangers walk up to me and say: ah you're DH's wife? well you're not ugly...or monstrous...) ...so I don't know what to tell you..but my DH is great to me and our kids/ss...so that makes it worth while..so I guess it depends what you're hoping for..
Especially if you get
Especially if you get together when the Skids are adults, there is no reason to do anything parental. It is also not necessary to engage with the BM at that point. In fact, I have made it clear that I will not attend any event that the BM is invited to. That may include weddings, graduations and the birth of grandbabies. I just don't want to deal with her.
Of course, I did go to the hospital with my DH when YSD was airlifted after a cheer accident (which we told BM that she should not have been participating in). Good Old BM swoops in with an "oh my baby I AM HER MOTHER". That was great because she signed all the forms for responsibility of the medical costs. It took her 3 years to get it sorted out with the kid's school who had to pay them.
I tend to go out of my way to
I tend to go out of my way to avoid them. It isn't easy to ignore the manipulation that they ooze to members of his family and family friends. This is pretty constant and far reaching. If they would leave us alone in those other venues, then I would have an easier time of ignoring their very existence like I would love to do.
It's hard to say....my DH's
It's hard to say....my DH's sister and my OSD have been nasty and downright disgusting to me for years. I do not expect that they will ever change. But what has changed is my attitude towards it - and I think that's the key to it all
Once I accepted the fact that THEY have the problem (stemming from jealous insecurities) and that I have nothing to feel bad about or be embarrassed of, other than for them that is, things became much easier where they are concerned
Now I simply observe their behavior from a detached perspective and see it all for what it truly is. They have some serious problems and as BM once said to me, I did nothing to cause it and can do nothing to fix it either, it's between them and DH
True words
However on a much better note, my YSD did change. We had our challenges while she was growing up and I did fear there for a while both SD's would be awful to me. But, YSD seemed to wake up once she reached her early to mid twenties, and since then she has rarely looked back.
With her I have a good relationship. Weekly contact. Tells me she loves me often. Appreciates whatever I do for her and openly expresses that gratitude. Makes sure I understand how much she truly values me in her life
and for this I'm very grateful!