Yes...I am jealous. VENT
I have maxed out all of my credit cards on making sure the girls have clothes, shoes and nice things for when they are here...made the mistake multiple times of allowing the girls to take home their good clothes from here I never get back...and I always say Nope...I am never going to do that again...and then I do. My own stupid fault. And yet BM still calls here and asks for money...which boyfriend of 4 years does not give her since he gives her over half of his pay and doesn't bring anything home. While I am in debt...depressed...gained 40 lbs. can no longer afford to have my hair and nails done professionally or afford the tanning bed and I am selling my life away on ebay...I am just a selfless person and I Put everyone else first...it's become an addiction...(this makes no sense I am just ranting because I am so bothered)
BM gets to go to the beach every summer...everytime we pick up the girls and drop them off - BM is wearing jeans from Buckle...(which I have a credit card for because I can't buy my fav. jeans anymore on my own) and brand new PINK shirts....has her hair professionally done - with new hair extensions I might add - and with her nails all manicured...and she's tanned...(and I just don't get it since she just had another child and left the dad...who by the way babysits the girls for her? when he is just supposed to have his child...) I just want to scream. And to top it all off sd's 6 and 8- are getting professional manicures and had their hair dyed today - which I think hair dye is insane since they are so young. I am just so confused - does she have a sugar daddy? Is she a prostitute? While I am paying off debt I have from these kids...that are not mine...she gets to go shopping and does all this stuff I Can't do anymore...and even better she sends the 8 year old in shorts today that were SO short - I could see her buttcheeks???? Even her father was like - WTF did she dress her in? And she was carrying a Vera Bradley purse...? - and BM just loved what she was wearing...What do I do? STOP making sure these kids have everything they need? Do I just do me? Someone please tell me how to make me all about ME again...I wouldn't mind being selfish at this point. I have tried to talk myself into this over and over again. I AM JUST INCREDIBLY JEALOUS. I feel like I have given up everything...the only thing I did to improve on this slightly was join a gym last week...I thought maybe that would help take out some agression and lose this weight at the same time.
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I just don't get parents who
I just don't get parents who buy expensive things for their kids. It turns the kids into entitled brats, they don't appreciate it, and they grow out of it too damned quickly.
Stop giving the kids' clothes to her is step 1. Step 2, get them clothes at the Goodwill or Salvation Army. There's nothing wrong with used clothes, and you'll get more bang for your buck. I'm the richer parent for all of my kids, and that is where I get their clothes from. And I'm clothing 4 kids to boot.
Any financial planner will tell you that you need to save money for yourself first. Save for a rainy day, save for your retirement, etc. The skids have their whole lives to save for things, but as an adult, if you don't have savings in place, you have less time to work and earn that money before you retire. So don't feel badly about not spending every dime you have on them.
^^^Agree^^ there is nothing
^^^Agree^^ there is nothing wrong with goodwill or Salvation Army especially for kids because they grow out of clothes so fast a lot of the clothes are like new some still even have tags on them. All of my SS's clothes and a huge chunk of my daughters clothes are from there. I think I spent $20 at goodwill and got a whole summer season worth of clothes for SS and he is here all summer so it was a lot of clothes. And don't send clothes to there mom that is just being a glutton for punishment. We don't exchange clothes with BM at all, he wears the clothes he came in back and she provides for her house and us for ours. Last year she asked us to send some of ours because he needed school clothes we said no, this woman gets child support and makes 3x's what DH makes she just wanted to be cheap, we didn't send them and she bought him clothes.
oh oh I don't buy like really
oh oh I don't buy like really expensive things - I shop at walmart, target, JCP (they always have good kids deal) - I used to give things away to my friends that have kids, etc. I am thinking about reselling things on ebay in "lots?" to make some money back from what I have bought so far. If you read my past posts I was doing AWESOME with NOT sending things home - and I didn't even realize I was doing it ; ( Ugh. It was a wake up call when I noticed HOW much was gone that I didn't get back - I actually have OCD pretty bad - I was able to remember WHAT I sent home what size and what the label read so I MADE A LIST! hahahah - I sent it home with the girls - we will see if she sends it back!
I agree with the above
I agree with the above poster. Plus, I feel your pain. I have been with BF of 3+ years and gained 40 lbs as well, partly due to meds I had to be on due to the stress of his kid. I highly recommend you disengage. The kids have two perfectly capable parents who can do and get things for the kids. Why are you investing so much into them? I stopped a long time ago getting or doing things for SD11 because, she is an entitled, ungrateful kid. You need to start focusing on yourself and don't feel bad for not getting or doing things for the kids. It urks me to no end that when parents divorce everyone around the kids acts as if their parents died and it is the worse thing to happen to them. Ughhhh...it makes me sick. I grew up in a single family home and I turned out fine and I truly only had one parent! I just don't get society sometimes. unbelievable- hang in there and we are always here for you.
I also agree, I have been
I also agree, I have been with my DH for about 5 years now and in the beginning did all the things you have described. I felt bad that the kids had to bring bags with them to Dads so went out and got clothes for them at our house and the exact same things happened..never returned. It got to the point where they wouldn't play with any of the toys I bought them because mom would make them feel so bad about it..ex I bought a wii and they were initially thrilled and then went to visit mom...came back then didn't want anything to do with it as "mom says video games rot your brains" or if I asked them if they wanted something for good beahior at out house I would get the answer "save your money for your own kids" so you know what now I do and when they ask me for stuff I remind them of their words, even though she put them in their minds. Right or wrong I'm not sure but I have disengaged in that regard where I buy gifts for our kids to give to them but make my DH responsible for all gift buying for them now...
My fiance and I went through
My fiance and I went through this with his BM. We were always broke from all of the CS, plus buying the kids clothes, shoes, toys and taking them places. And here she is going out to eat every night, getting massages, etc. One day a light bulb went off in my head and I decided to google BM's cell phone number. SURE ENOUGH! She was selling her behind to anyone who would pay for it. Charging $150 an hour. Me and my big mouth..now the kids have to live with us!
I guess I just will NEVER
I guess I just will NEVER learn. I am going to put myself first...or really really try. Gym starts next week...and I DID get a personal trainer - and I bought myself a new leopard gym bag - new sneaks - new workout clothing...oh AND I went and bought myself a box of hairdye!!! I am working on it ladies ; ) I REALLY need to stop going through the girls clothes to see what they NEED - when they run out of clothes...BM can send a damn OVER NIGHT bag!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just put my foot down and NOW I am going for a night run ; ) Thanks for the replies!!!!!!!!!!