Vindictive Step daughters
I have been married for over 4 years to three step children's father. The step son and I have absolutely no issues, he is so nice, so polite....The two step daughters are the issue, no matter how hard I have tried to be nice to them, they treat me as if I was dirt. This is just one example over the past four years: The youngest is getting married in September, and this past week we travelled from Georgia to Virginia to attend a "cocktail party". The step daughter had e-mailed me what the "mother" of the bride should wear, that 99% of the women (including the grooms mother) would be wearing........ I had nothing in my closet so formal, so even though my husband and I are retired and are on a fixed income, I spent several hundred dollars on new shoes, new dress, etc......Well, needless to say, I was so over dressed, it was not funny, I was totally embarrassed and even my husband felt sorry for me. I was the only person out of about 30 that were dressed so formal (even the stepdaughter and her husband to be were dressed casual).... The groom's mom was in pants......I trully feel this was intentional.... The daughter called again yesterday and starts to tell her father what he needs to go buy for the wedding we are to be at in September.... The oldest daughter, who lives in Maryland, never calls her father now that I am here, she did not call Thanksgiving, she did not call Christmas, she did not call her father on Father's Day. My husband and I were both raised, children call the parents.... I call my mother every week checking on her.....At this cocktail party the oldest daughter, as we are leaving and not to her father, gives me some smart remark that we need to "communicate more but vice versa".... I'm not sure how to interpret this since the only time we have communicated with her on the telephone this year is when I had the father call her in March to be sure all was o.k. with them..... I need help!
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Well, I do agree phones work
Well, I do agree phones work both ways, however, I refuse to call his step kids and have them treat me so badly in the public.... I am wiser now, this was the first time (other than being with family) that dad and I were with these two kids with their friends.... I will be prepared for the wedding.
SD sending an email to you
SD sending an email to you about what to wear to stick out like a sore thumb was completely intentional. How does that grab your trust level? She has proven she isn’t to be trusted and then on your way out the door she made it look like the reason you were overdressed was your own fault because you don’t communicate with her. Not true.
Now, what you could have done was laughed it off and then told everyone at the party that SD had sent an email to you advising you what to wear and out of respect for her you had taken her up on her advice and in the bustle of her upcoming nuptials she must have forgotten to tell ONLY YOU that the dress plans were changed from semi formal to casual.
Bottom line, these women are not to be trusted. Never forget that. They don’t like you because you are married to their dad. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know how those two talk about you behind your back. You can be rest assured it ain’t pretty. My advice to you is to outwit, outsmart and outplay the pair of them every step of the way. It is just the common, predictable, foolish behaviour of immature females who don’t have the self-awareness to behave with decency.
Well, I will now ask another
Well, I will now ask another question since you gave me such good info.... For the past 4 1/2 years, we have never missed a birthday, or Holiday in sending the 4 kids and grandson cards or gifts or both....The oldest daughter has a grandson, and we constantly buy him things and get to them.... The oldest daughter sends a Christmas card with the grandson's picture on it, that is it, never a gift or even a birthday card for her dad. The middle daughter the first two years when we still lived closer came to us for Christmas... The last year, she sent us nothing... including her dad's birthday. The son has never sent us anything but he is in the military and deployed a lot (he calls the most of all and I do not mind this one because I do know it is hard for him, we send him packages, etc.)
Would you continue to turn the other cheek or would you purposely miss a holiday or birthday and see their response?
Very well said. I have two
Very well said. I have two step daughters who are very close with their Bio mom and not that there is anything wrong with that. The only problem is that their mom is the capital V of vindictive. I am done trying with his 4 children. I am tired of being exhausted emotionally because of them and their games... Just Done
yes, however, his outfit
yes, however, his outfit could be changed with just the removal of his coat... he fit in fine......
You are doing what many of us
You are doing what many of us have done which is trying to win over our husband’s adult children out of our love for him and you are meeting with the same results. It is so predictable. His adult daughter’s not liking you is not a searing indictment of you as a woman, mother or all around good person. His daughter’s not liking you is not your personal failure. That is their issue with their dad that they must work out or not. As long as your husband realizes that stepmother/stepdaughter relationships can be very difficult and he is the one who sets the tone of how they treat you, it goes much better for everyone. If he avoids this painful discussion it will only get worse.
In the meantime the ball is in his court and your husband is going to have to assume some duties that typically are done by the female in the relationship—cards, gifts, phone calls, etc. Anything that has even a sniff of your involvement will be roundly rejected. Don’t be mean but keep your distance and leave those things up to him. All you can do is educate yourself and your husband so that you both understand that his daughters not liking you is their issue, not that dad has picked himself a crappy woman for a wife. It’s bloody unfair, it’s nasty, but it is what it is.
I gave up trying to win my
I gave up trying to win my adult SD's affection about 6 months ago. I finally decided that it wasn't worth indulging in their bullshit anymore. I was at a point where I literally HATED them and all their drama. All the stress and drama they have put me through, I just decided that I didn't give a damn anymore. I now will call them out on their BS and they hate me even more for it, but my peace of mind is more important than their feelings.
Remember they are adults, and just like co-workers or any other adults, you can't make somebody like you, no matter how nice you are to them. Just like donna123 said, them not liking you is THEIR issue, not yours. Don't allow those miserable losers to ruin your happiness.
Well, you have confirmed for
Well, you have confirmed for me what I should have learned from my prior marriage and I thank all of you for you info! I was married for 25 years until my previous husband died of cancer. I helped raise his 10 year old son who asked us if he could move from his mom's into our small home. When his dad got sick, he never once helped care for him physically or financially... Once his father passed away, he wanted all of his fathers things and then got an attorney on me when I would not give him half of the place (I paid for it!)... I knew my current husband had 3 children and I tried from day one to be nice! I wish I could tell all step children (especially grown one's)... that there are nice people in the world who can love them and just want to be accepted as an equal.. Their mother is dead and there is nothing I can do about that.... Just accept me as a friend, not your mother..... But no, most of them are mean and vindictive spoilt brats! I go by the rule, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me! There will not be a third time with these two daughters.....
That is very helpful
That is very helpful information. I am sitting back now after 15 years and am going to just let all the decisions be his. Only problem with this is that in his eyes his girls can do no wrong and if I point out anything then I am the bad person.. now what?
And yet more asshole, selfish
And yet more asshole, selfish bitch step daughters...how refreshing again!!!
Well, all of you have
Well, all of you have confirmed for me what I should have learned from my prior marriage and I thank all of you for you info! I was married for 25 years until my previous husband died of cancer. I helped raise his 10 year old son who asked us if he could move from his mom's into our small home. When his dad got sick, he never once helped care for him physically or financially... Once his father passed away, he wanted all of his fathers things and then got an attorney on me when I would not give him half of the place (I paid for it!)... I knew my current husband had 3 children and I tried from day one to be nice! I wish I could tell all step children (especially grown one's)... that there are nice people in the world who can love them and just want to be accepted as an equal.. Their mother is dead and there is nothing I can do about that.... Just accept me as a friend, not your mother..... But no, most of them are mean and vindictive spoilt brats! I go by the rule, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me! There will not be a third time with these two daughters.....