We don't let them be alone with him period, which sometimes isn't enough as I don't like the verbal trash he dishes out in front of everyone. While no physical harm, it makes everyone uncomfortable listening to him go on about everyone's weight especially mine and my mom's (which is not THAT bad), and other topics that anyone with a filter would not discuss. My husband is aware of all of it. We have had a period that we were able to keep him at bay since they lived hours away. The problem has really come back up in the past year, since they have moved just a 30min drive away.

I very much took him to task on what he did to me when I was 17. I made my mom make him go to counseling, where he was diagnosed bi-polar and made her make him commit to therapy, if she wanted to have me in her life. It did help, but just not enough and most people like that need a lifetime accountability coach, which he doesn't have. One of my biggest regrets though is not contacting the police and going that route. It seems so dumb now that I didn't, but I can tell you that it isn't as easy as you would think when you are in the middle of the situation and I was young and scarred. I'm an only child and prior to him coming into my Mom's life, she and I had a very good normal relationship, so this has always been tough not wanting him to have the ability to rip her from me. I also worry because i feel he is emotionally abusive to her. I realize that it isn't my problem and to some extent she has to live in the bed she made, but it is still hard.

When my daughter was born, my mom would always make the trip alone to come visit and it's been that way for 10 years. We would only make occational trips there and after the bikini incident those trips stopped altogether with my husband and i feeling ashamed that something like that could occurr with us right there. Now, they live right here, which was my mother's doing. She wanted to be close to her grandkids and me, because we are what's good in her life. She was here for a year before he finally sold their house and moved here too. For a that whole year, I thought that what was really happening was a divorce, and then he showed up. Now, everything has gone to H***. I should point out that my husband has a good relationship to her as well and anyone who knows her or would meet her would be shocked to know this is what her nonprofessional life is like. MY husband and i feel somewhat compelled to protect her as well as our children. BELIEVE ME, I do realize that my children come first and anyone who knows them would tell you that they are well cared for and those knowing the situation feel we have dealt with it well so far. The real problem is what to do now, I feel in over my head.

My husband and I are strong of faith and we believe in compassion, forgiveness, and mercy, but having him so close is just more difficult than what I was ever prepared to deal with. We are actually considering moving away, which will be very difficult due to my husband's profession. Also, it's a free country, they could just move too. At some point, we just are going to have to deal with it. My motto has always been to forgive because i needed it, but to never let down my guard. I know at our church there was a known sex offender who had an accountability person with him at all times so he could attend. Then one day, he crossed the line by looking into SS room and starring, which resulted in him getting kicked out of the community. So, I know that sometimes, you can't take on more than you can chew. Because we had such a long period of time with my Mom being able to be around without him, my kids are really close to her. It's going to devestate my children if I have to cut her off, which I really think may have to happen as I'm not sure that she will be able to accept our perameters. I'm going to have to explain to her why her slieze of a husband was given a no go at our house by my husband and explain that we thought it was clear about the boundaries. Explain that I really didn't appreciate being put in the position of having to respond to a request of taking my son alone. I guess I especially don't appreciate that this has occurred while I'm pregnant and vulnerable and not as capable of being the protector i need to be. Fortunately, my husband is more than up to the task. She probably won't like it and it very well may be the final straw. I just don't know. I'm sure he told her a very big lie about my husband blowing his cool and that we just don't treat him well and carry on about how we aren't really the Christians we claim to be. My step father has a very big hold on her though that I know scars the ever living tar out of her, which is that she has always been a very meticulous saver and has accrued over a million in her retirement funds. He lets her know all the time how he would get half even though he hasn't earned most of it. She did have a prenup when she married him, but because they have been married for so long, the rules of community property have been muddied and the prenup most likely wouldn't stand. He's very aware of that too. I caught him telling one of his kids from a previous marriage how it was all half his. He has three children by the way who all keep their distance as well.

Oh, by the way, no, my mom hasn't called me since she has been home. I called my aunt and had her call her to see if she was ok. Apparently, she is fine but said nothing of the situation to my aunt. Everyone just knows that engaging her in a real discussion about her husband's behavior is a taboo topic. She has had many friendships damagaed as a result of him as well.