My problem has been going on for 25 years. My Mom met my step father after the death of my grandparents, when I was in high school. He could fix things and do some of the things my grandfather use to be able to do for her. My senior year in high school he was playing around on my Mom's bed and the three of us were there. She did something that made him feel like he needed to get back at her and so he three me on the bed and put a hickey on my neck to get back at her. This was suppose to be funny. Later, after I graduated, my mom was at work and he grabbed me and threw me on the couch and was trying to kiss me and put his hand up my shirt. I kneed him in the groin and managed to free myself. I ran to my car and went to a friends house and stayed away until my mom was home. I was suprised that she didn't immediately kick him out. Instead, she accused me of bringing it on and took his side. I ended up going to counseling at my college and made the decision to go far away to finish school. I managed to make ammends enough to keep a relationship with my Mom, with my own personal understanding that I would never allow myself to be alone around him ever again.

When I got married several years later, he sat on my MIL's lap and made crude comments to them upon their introduction. It has been a continual issue in our now 17 year marriage. We have a now 11 year old daughter and 8 year old son. We make a point of never leaving them alone around him. Although, even this has caused some problems because it's hard to always be right there. Like when my daughter was 5, we were visiting my mom and they were swimming in her pool. My husband and I had run inside for some reason and my step-dad took advantage of the 5-10 minutes to stuff a towel down my daughter's bikini top. That incident resulted in my Mom always having to come visit us.

Well, a year ago they got jobs and moved to our area. This means that we can't just see him on holidays anymore. Now, every time my kids want to spend time with her, he's part of the package. They are also over to our house 2-3 times a week, which is now putting a strain our our marriage. My husband can have a temper problem (yelling, throwing a bit of a fit), (He doesn't hit me or the kids and it isn't all the time) when he is excessively frustrated. Their infiltration brings this out a lot lately and they are constantly carrying on to me about it. Let me note that he makes a good living and allows me to stay home with our kids and is an above average husband and father despite this one flaw. Just a few months ago we found out that we are expecting another baby, quite a miracle. I'm 41 now though, so it comes with some minor complications.

A few days ago, my Mom was at a convention for her job and my step-dad called in the evening and wanted to take my son to a waterpark nearby (we had all bought season passes a few weeks ago because my daughter had a girl scout event there. I invited my mom to come along with me and he ended up coming complaining all the way about the cost of the passes). I suggested we wait until my daughter finished her commitment so that she and I could go. He didn't want to wait and wanted to just take my son by himself. Instead of being very direct and just saying no, I was passive aggressive and said let's wait until tomorrow and see if he wants to do that. He was suppose to call me to confirm and i didn't answer my phone. So, instead of taking that as plans are off, he shows up at my house, doesn't knock , ring the bell or anything and just comes on in! My husband was still home as he was staying to take care of things. He told him, "Sorry, not happening, they have things to do" My step-dad turns around and leaves, which for me just confirms he had bad intentions. I should also mention that he has had nothing nice to say about my son. Always complaining that he is undiciplined and not acting right. My step-father also was playing around with him at my Mom's house in the pool with all of us there and started holding him under water to see how long he can "hold his breath", that resulted in me screaming at him to stop it and us leaving. I should also mention that my son gets perfect conduct marks at school and behaves like I suspect most 8 year old boys act. My Mom was scheduled to come home the next day from her conference and I haven't heard from them. We tried calling both of their cells yesterday for Father's day, but they didn't answer or call us back.

I think most sane people would just cut ties and not worry about a parental relationship that use to be good. I have never wanted to do that and my husband has supported me in that decision to just "manage" the situation. I have to say though, I'm about there. I know he's cooked up a huge whopper to tell her and I'm just not up to messing around about why he can't be alone with my kids. He has recently done a huge amount of carpentry work for us to sell our house and I know he feels that we should "owe" him, he can't good deed his way into privileges, no matter how grateful for the work we are. This is a good example too of how we have tried to finds ways to make him a part of the family without crossing boundaries that we are uncomfortable about. He is also never excluded from holidays or family meals out of respect for my Mom. I'm going to have to explain it to her again about him not being alone with them, which I'm not looking forward to doing. We thought we had made the point quite clear back with the bikini incident when my daughter was five. Any advice?