Its a day for the silence, the best thing he can do.
Background story is http://www.steptalk.org/node/45990
So, yesterday we came home, and i was in a bad mood. He acted like he has no idea why. So I told him. BM has school on holiday? And you just make plans with her, without consulting me. Nobody asked me about anything!
He responds 'well the kid wasnt here the entire month'
I say 'thats not my fault now is it?'
His response 'Every time you know he will come over, you are in a bad mood. There is no exception to that!' then he went silent. He has been silent ever since.
He will also stay silent until he needs something. For example, he needs us to be normal when his kid comes, so he will start acting like nothing happened and be all sweet.
I just dont know how to get it through his thick head that i dont care about his kid as much as he does, and that 4 full days with him make my skin crawl? I just cannot handle it for so long.
Funny thing is BM is calling often lately saying how she cant handle the kid, how he talks back, doesnt want to do anything, and even hits her (or attempts to), and that he should stay with us entire weekend until school on monday so she can get rest. Fucking bitch (pardon my french).
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"Every time you know he will
"Every time you know he will come over, you are in a bad mood. There is no exception to that!'
I wonder why DH?
Oh wait "he talks back, doesnt want to do anything, and even hits her"
If he does this to BM and she doesn't want him around, what does he expect of you?
I dont know. He expects me to
I dont know. He expects me to be happy to see his kid maybe?
He ruined every weekend this month we had, because his kid didnt want to come and see him. He didnt want to do anything or go anywhere and was sulking around the house. Now that his kid has to come because BM doesnt have anyone to babysit, he is all happy, and i am somehow supposed to be happy too. You know, he is the father, and he misses his kid and i should apparently understand that he ruins my weekends because he is feeling shitty, but i shouldnt ruin his because he is happy. Double standard.
Oh fathers day is comming up and he told me he should get a gift from me. I told him that he is not my father, and just because he is father to someone doesnt have anything to do with me. Under no circumstances do i feel obliged to acknowledge his fatherhood. Seriously. The nerve.
Yes it does suck to have your
Yes it does suck to have your life affected because your DH is emotionally dependent on his child. I've seen mine do the same. I've just had to be honest about it all to him.
What did you tell yours? And
What did you tell yours? And how did it end up?
I was just honest. His kids
I was just honest. His kids are affecting his moods and it affects our relationship. He can't help it sometimes, nor would I expect it. There are instances that he just can't take his frustrations out on me though and he's been warned.
We have gone through times when skids are not calling him (just selfish, no reason or problems) or they have done something to disappoint him. I give him space and time to deal with it, but at some point I do say something. I make sure he can talk about it if it bothers him, but then I tell him its time to move on. Sometimes it helps, sometimes not.
The one thing these dads don't always realize is that one day those kids are going to be grown and off in their own life. Only occasionally visiting or checking in on him. Then he's left with his spouse. He'd better figure out early that if he wants someone there when the kids leave, he'd better treat that person well.
Once again, classic GUILTY
Once again, classic GUILTY DADDY syndrome.
Subscribes to the "one big happy family" model. Expects you to love his kid as much or more than he does; even when said kid is totally devoid of all social skills, manners, respect due to lack of parenting. Totally unrealistic.
HE needs HELP!
Doesn't he relize that half
Doesn't he relize that half the time its probably not just the kid putting you in a bad mood but him and his reactions to his child. The way he doesn't involve you might put you on edge before he comes. I know I feel a lot of the time it isn't just the kids behavior, the small crap I could deal with what annoys me is that my DH doesn't do anything about it, his reactions are the ones that bother me and make me unhappy.
No they don't realize it.
No they don't realize it. Even if you tell them. Isn't it crazy? I had to write it in an email before SO finally got it.
"SO,
Just a thought. Maybe I don't look forward to the skids visits because of YOU. You either ignore me and go into their world or you get overwhelmed and frustrated by all the rushing and go-go-go and take your frustrations out on me and we fight. HMMMMMMMMM.
AA"