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Vacation time ...

meneran's picture

Submitted by meneran on Mon, 08/01/2011 - 4:09am

So, vacation time is approaching, and i am getting more anxious.

This year we had one week of vacation just the two of us. Now we are having another 2 weeks with his son (10).

My problem is that he is already saying that we spent too much money on holidays this year, and that next year we cant do the same.
This means we will only get vacations with his kid. I am not sure i can live through that each year after year.

How do I make him see that I deserve some holiday time without his kid?

Every time i say we could do something, he gets defensive saying that he must get his kid 2 weeks of summer holidays, and that he cant take so much time off of work so that we can have additional week alone.

Im slowly loosing my mind.

Comments

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Mon, 08/01/2011 - 5:34am

Maybe he can put SS in camp for one week. Do you work? If not, you could watch SS for a week husband is working.

That way he still has 2 weeks of time to use. One could be used for an adult trip. The other fora trip with SS.

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Mon, 08/01/2011 - 5:51am

If there is only 1 vacation next year available, that is to be spent with you unless a compromise can be reached. Spouse comes first in most things, unless there's an emergency. Adult vacations are VERY important to me and we have only one per year, and this year we're going to Vegas. We have to balance adult/relationship time with children's needs to prevent me from becoming resentful (my children are raised and I am at a stage of my life where I need this - and I'd feel the same way if I had not given birth). We did take his boys to a water park and do things most weekends (movies, etc) they are here. If I can pretty much dedicate every other weekend for his kids, he can dedicate an adult vacation to me once a year. I will not be in a relationship where my needs are not considered or come in second to his kids wants. To me, vacations are not a need for a child, but are for me who has worked my whole life. I truly feel that if a man ALWAYS needs to put his kids first, he should not be in a relationship and doesn't need me.

meneran's picture

Submitted by meneran on Mon, 08/01/2011 - 6:37am

We live in Europe and they are no camps that I know of. I cannot watch SS because I also work.

I already know that I will have to fight for this, because to be honest I dont think I can work the whole year and spend 2 weeks of my holiday catering to his kids needs. I already know whats the holiday gonna look like. The kid is gonna scream daddyyyyyy all the time, and he will have to spend every moment entertaining his kid because the kid is incapable of making friends. He is also incapable of spending time enterteining himself.

We are already spending EOW catering to the kid. Im not sure I can give up more of my life.

I guess the question is, how do i present this in a nice way that he doesnt get hurt, angry or defensive?

Still Have Hope's picture

Submitted by Still Have Hope on Mon, 08/01/2011 - 9:23am

Just because he chooses to spend his entire 2 week vacation with his son does not mean that you have to. Plan at least one week of your vacation with friends or family doing what you enjoy. Even the entire 2 weeks if you really can't stand to be around his son. Being in a relationship does not mean giving that person total control of your entire life or vacation time.

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Mon, 08/01/2011 - 10:29am

this all makes alot of sense. but what i don't understand is if a sm has to fill all her free time in with other things, why even be in a relationship? i can be alone by myself. when i married, i married for companionship, to enjoy life with my man. if he's too busy catering to his children and doesn't set definite boundaries around our relationship to the point that i have to plan a vacation around him, why am i even there? things would be much too out of balance for me. i don't know. maybe i'm reaching a little deep, but i'd say if op is having this issue with vacation, there's a whole lot more she's taking a back seat for.

op-i don't know of an easy way to explain to ur so. i know in my own relationship i've had to fight. i've had to draw the line in the sand, and alot of times it wasn't very nice. but when things cooled down, my hubby thought about things and would understand. you see, it's not politically correct for a sm to expect to be number 1 in her husband's life and my husband was indoctrinated in the babble of "kids first ALWAYS". takes ALOT of wall breaking, defensiveness, fighting, understanding and love. but, in the end, if your so loves you he WILL come to understanding.

it's perfectly acceptable and reasonable to want to put your children first. in tact families do it all the time (to the detriment of the marriage). but a great many first marriages break up because one or the other spouse isn't being fulfilled. i could go alot further here, but what i'm trying to say is if a man goes into a relationship EXPECTING his new relationship to take a back seat, it's not fair to that person and more than likely not what that person signed up for.

neversecondplace's picture

Submitted by neversecondplace on Mon, 08/01/2011 - 3:01pm

I agree with Cocoa. You deserve some time with just your husband. And YOUR HUSBAND should find an alternative for his child during that time. Its definetly not to much to ask. Wink