Princess-see my blog below-I'm with you. I'm in the "I dont know if I want to continue this relationship" mode. I do understand. I've been finding myself more and more interested in doing things w/my own bios alone-not including him and particularly not her.

Just a few weeks ago we're talking about moving to start a new life and hopefully distance will help w/SD-but this week I'm just disinterested...and again PMS is here so that helps I'm sure.

Do somethings for you, maybe join something, a book club or something for adults not kids. you mentioned on my blog that your kids have a lot of activities, maybe you need some time for you to recharge your batteries. Even if it is just a bike ride by yourself or time to curl up & read a book.

I know what you mean, I never get to relax, there is always laundry ( even with the kids not being around much the last few weeks I keep getting their clothes in the clothes hamper. I think when SS11 changes into his uniform he throws what he was wearing in the hamper for me to wash )cleaning, lawn mowing ...something. Last year DH bought me a hamock for mothers day, I never got to lay in it once, the kids did & he did & then someone broke it.

Its time to focus on you. Go do stuff for you. Disengaging is hard at first but it gets better. You feel like crap about it, either you are missing out on them or they are making you feel bad about doing it. It will get better.

Eventually you have to becoming emotionally detached and that is what makes it the most difficult. It takes a while to get to that point.

I felt this way for a while too... until i started to focus on myself. The first thing I did was have my Mirena IUD taken out, and I got put back on the pill. That in itself I feel was a lifesaver for me, I think that the IUD is poison. I finally WANTED to be intimate with my DH, and I feel like that helped to life my mood, and make me feel desirable again.

The next thing I did was find a hobby. Since it was spring, and all the stores were selling flowers, I decided that I was going to plant a few flowers. This turned into a full blown hobby/obsession for me.

I ripped out all of the old landscaping, and planted new everything. This kept me busy for weeks because the only time I could work on my yard was after work. The peace that gardening brought me was immeasurable. When my skids are bothering me, I go outside and water my flowers, or pick off the dead ones, or think about what else I can do to make my yard beautiful. I go shopping at Lowes or the Home Depot to find new flowers, or gardening supplies. I planted a bunch of bulbs and seeds, and I love to go out every day, and see what has grown in... it really gives me a sense of satisfaction, and like I accomplished something!

I also signed myself up for an online class... this gives me time to have to myself (the homework excuse works GREAT for alone time) and it is bettering myself, and working towards my degree, so I can one day achieve certain dreams that I have.

I also started relaxation exercises. I googled anger management and relaxation, and I found these video/slideshow clips about relaxation. There is one technique called the half smile/serenity, and when I am feeling stressed out, or tense, I try to do a half smile, and think about serenity, and it calms me down. This technique is AWESOME for use with the skids…. They will be acting terrible, making a mess, what have you, and I just go to my happy place, with my half smile, and ignore it all. Is this a form of disengagement… yeah, probably, but I look at it as saving my sanity.

I used to have a horrible temper, and pretty severe depression, and since I switched my birth control, started doing more hobbies for myself, schooling, and the relaxation methods, I feel that my overall quality of life improved.

While this may seem selfish, and that I am not spending any time with my family, in reality, the time that I spend with them is BETTER, in regards to the actual quality. Instead of this wrenched, awful, miserable person that I was becoming (quickly, and it was scaring me) I feel like I have finally broken above the clouds, and I can see the sun. Good luck to you, feel free to PM me if you would like someone to talk to. Find what works for YOU, and you and yours will be so much better.