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Ailenation on the down low?

ratrace's picture

Submitted by ratrace on Sat, 02/26/2011 - 6:37pm

So I'm new on this site but it might just be what i'm looking for seeing how I cant find a step parent support group where I live. Going in deep here so......there are times where the kid(9)and I have fun but there are more times of comments, comments that would only come from an adult, would come out of his mouth. There are noticable times when he's with the father that you can tell he's two different kids when he's there or here. My question is what or where do I look for to pick up on these types of things. The mother and I have a great thing together but the kid leaves me in tears sometimes (always by myself of course, not even with my girlfriend) with how he goes about the way he does or says things.

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mmm1's picture

Submitted by mmm1 on Sun, 02/27/2011 - 9:40am

Welcome!

I do have to say I was looking for just that too. A support group or somewhere I could go to vent, hear ideas etc. I have found a few. I do have to say that this group can be very negative and very positive. You have to learn to weed out the negative. But I am here for the same reason you are. My step kids are very alienated from my husband their father. We are in and out of court and now filing for full custody. It is a long long uphill battle and it is emotional and very stressful. Hang tough if you need to talk message me. I dont mind... I actually am in grad school studing to become a therapist to help kids with situations just like this. It causes trauma and grief for the children it is a hard thing for them.

12yrstepmonster's picture

Submitted by 12yrstepmonster on Sun, 02/27/2011 - 9:51am

After 12 years of marriage, and 2 years of counseling this is what I have learned and try to remember:
a) I'm the adult/parent and need to act it

b) My relationship with DH has to be the main focus- we have to agree and be seen as a united front- that doesn't mean it's all one way or the other but the art of compromise and what works for our marriage and relationship

c) Having been a skid, it is very hard to be put into the middle of the parental war- and age doesn't matter- if you are 6,15,20's or 30's if you think your parent's love is unconditional you will do what you can to keep it. A child can always feel the tension between their parents, and many times will blame themselves for the problems. OR learns to keep peace by agreeing with the parent that they are with or that has custody of them.