All summer (skid free) I looked forward to the weekends like they were vacations. I loved every minute of being home. Now that SS is back I have nothing to look forward to. I want to get through the work week because I don't like my job, but then I just want to get through the work week because I can't stand being around ss11 so much. So I am back to just wishing my life away one day at a time.
He constantly listens in on our conversations and interjects stupid comments....or stares silently from the doorway. Talks constantly through TV shows to the point that they lose all enjoyment, repeating the same stupid joke/comment six or seven times. His fingers are constantly in his mouth.....or else has is playing with his feet and toes like an infant, contorting himself around on the couch to the point he falls off repeatedly. I am so scared that my 4 yr old is going to pick up on his mannerisms. To watch him you would think you were watchi g a two yr old and not a 11.5 yr old.
On Saturday we had a baby shower to go to for dhs co worker. It wasn't until 4. The boys and I were dressed by the time he finished breakfast.... Dressed in casual everyday clothes, not party clothes. He asks me if I had something special I wanted him to put on. I say the party isn't until 4 put on what you want. He still looked confused, and asked again if I wanted him to wear something specific. Just go get dressed SS. Am I expecting too much for a 11.6 yr old to assess the situation and see that everyone else in the family is in regular cloths so he doesn't need to get dressed up yet?
When it was time to get ready dh tell him to go get dressed in a collared shirt. He comes out and question s dh on something while I was getting dressed (didn't hear what specifically) I hear sh send him back in saying that his closet if filled to the brim with nice cloth to pick one and put it on. I come out to see SS in a shirt that is 4+ sizes too small. He had gone to the back of the closet and pulled a shirt from the garment bag of clothes that he had out grown but that we were saving (baptism suit, conformation suit etc) and squeezed into it. No lie, he pushed past about 25 shirts that would have been perfectly acceptable to get to this shirt. Dh hadn't said anything to him yet so I just politely said SS, that shirt is clearly way too small, go put on something that fits. Dh turned around to see him and gave SS a wtf look and told him to put on a shirt that fits. He comes out again in an appropriate shirt. As we are about to leave I happen to notice that he is wearing back shorts and black socks with white socks. I debated whether to say anything g or not, but I decided to give him the head sup that he might want to put on black socks as it looked a bit silly to wear white socks with black shorts and black shoes. Very politely. Dh looks at him and says, dude, you were already wearing black sock! Are you doing this on purpose? Why do we have to keep telling you these things!?! His response? Well, abuela laid out all my clothes for me this summer. So he was purposely messing up to try and force us to lay out his clothes like he's a toddler.
We get to the shower and all the kids there pretty much broke upinto age groups..... The little kids were playing with balloons on the dance floor area (it was held at an event hall) the 7-13ish aged kids were playing in another area and the teens were chatting at a table. Take one guess where ss11 chose to play? Yep, with the little kids with the balloons. And of coarse he was the one kid acting inappropriately. After several "looks" and several reminders on how to act I finally had to send him to sit with dh as he decided to run at the little kids from the opposite direction, grab their clothes as they passed him and tackle them to the ground....little 3 and 4 yr old kids.
SS won a shower game and when they came to give him his gift card prize....the lady asked him if he liked chick filet he just shrugged (he loves it) and he took the card, put it in his pocket and turned his back to her. No thank you. Dh told him to thank her and was horribly embarrassed.... But didn't have a talk with SS as I think should have been done.
It is so embarassing to take SS out in public..... I hate that people think he is mine. I got many many compliments on both bs4 and bs1.... How polite they were how sweet how cute.....nothing about SS. At one point bs4 came running up to me crying, saying he fell and hurt his back.....SS was right next to him she. It happened. I didnt see it happen and BS didnt say anything about it.... But I can't help but wonder if SS did something g to him. Every time SS plays with bs4 unsupervised he ends up hurt and in tears.
Sunday step mil was supposed to pick him up for church. I ask dh what time...she said she would be here before 9. So I wake him up and have him get ready. He come out and bs4 says to him (I couldn't see him, only hear the conversation). SS, that's what you are wearing tochurch? It doesn't look too smiffy (spiffy). So SS goes and changes and come oit dressed nicely. This kid dresses for church with smil almost every week....but needs the 4 year old to correct him before he will dress correctly?? Why does he insist on playing these games? Its like he enjoys being corrected.
Dh asked his step mom what time he should pick ss up she says dont wotry ill drop him off. Dh leaves it at that......never questions at what time. So are going about our day and she calls and asked where we are that she needs to go to work. So we have to drop everything and rush to her house. Pisses me offthat my day revolves aroind her schedule yet again
Where do you see bullying. I think that word is thrown out a little too much these days.
They aren't making fun of him. They aren't shaming him. They are correcting his behavior and choices which is what his father should be doing. And you're making assumptions as to when and where they are correcting him.
Nitpicking? They were getting ready for a function where nicer clothes were necessary. It sounds like the SS was being delibertely difficult in order to force someone to treat him like a toddler. He's 11.5, old enough to pick out decent clothes and dress himself. My skid knew how to do this at 10. And from her second example, he clearly knows where his nice clothes are located as he was able dress up for church. On his own.
As to the 4 year old. My 5 year old niece once handed an adult a wooden spoon when that adults child was acting out and not listening to her parents, telling the grown up "You might want to use this." So don't tell me a 4 year old wouldn't be able to say "I thought you were going to church, what are you wearing that?" Clearly the 4 year old understands there are dress up situations.
This kid doesn't need help, he needs to father to sit down and have a come to jesus meeting with him.
He does not have autism as far as we know. He sees a psychiatrist every month for his ADHD and autism as never been mentioned as a possible issue. He knows damn well how to dress himself as he was perfectly able to before leaving to spend the summer with mil. Nothing g was said to him that I wouldnt say to my 4 yr old if he came out improperly dressed, he was told to go change into something appropriate.
Should we have let him leave the house in a shirt so small it was popping open at the buttons? Should I have allowed him to continue to tackle and hurt the preschoolers? Yeah, he is more comfortable around the smaller kids....which is fine until he acts inappropriately and becomes a danger to them. As I said he got the warning look several times and several verbal warnings before he was removed.
Peanut.......there are times when I wanted to bury DH's kid in the backyard from the age of 11 through 14. The deliberate stupidity drove me crazy. People will call it hormones. People will tell you it's just their age.
But personally, the behavior will continue as long as they're allowed to get away with it and if the adults in their life accept it as normal.
But truthfully, I tried playing this game with my parents at that age. I ended up on the wrong end of a boot in the ass and a loss of privileges. I learned fast that behaving like a dumbass would get me nowhere fast.
Hang in there and I hope your DH stays consistent with correcting this kid's piss poor behavior. It's time for him to learn independence.
I don't think it's a psychological issue as such - not like autism or a lack of understanding type. I do think it is attention seeking behavior that SS is doing on purpose.
I do think he may be engaging in extra attention seeking behavior because his sister is now living with grandma. It's gotta be kinda crazy making for a kid to have mom run out on you, have Grandma so desperately want your sister, have a stepparent that only tolerates you (though I don't blame peanut for that at all) and a dad that's pretty checked out of things and has said flat out that sister is the favorite. I do think the kid feels unloved and is going to go about getting attention any way he can.
The pretending to not know things to get someone to do them for you is generally called learned helplessness. It's something a Lot of guys do, at all ages, often because they're lazy and sometimes because they want attention and to be coddled.
As the the 4 year old, yes he's probably been exposed to "those clothes aren't appropriate for xyz, go change" but I don't see that as bullying or bad in any way. It means all the kids have been exposed enough to appropriate clothes for situations, like church, that even a 4 y/o recognizes when someone needs to be better dressed.
Oh course my 5 year old niece was exposed to the occasional spanking. My sister and BIL spanked their kids from time to time. But they have amazing, smart, well behaved, well adjusted children ranging from 10 to 18. In fact, my sister probably has the most well behaved kids I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. And they're not perfect little robot children either. But I'm not going to get into that particular issue.
I dislike seeing labels like psychological problem for a simple situation. This is a lazy 11 year old boy who wants the world to wipe his ass for him because he's too busy playing with his DS (or whatever the hell kids play with these days).
I've seen this behavior in DH's kid as well. It's called pushing the fricking envelope to test their boundaries. It's called wanting the advantages of being a teenager but not the responsibilities. It's called an 11 year old (or 12, 13, 14, etc) seeing how far they can take things before watching Mom, Dad, Step or Teacher's head explode.
Yes....he may have been looking for (or expecting) the same amount of attention in Peanuts home as he got in BM's home. However part of growing up is learning the world doesn't revolve around you. He's nearly 12 years old, and he has to learn to adjust to the mature changes that are expected of him.
Bottom line, the transition phase when a skid returns from the other parents home is annoying and she came here to bitch about it. Not be told she was bullying her SS. Or that her DH was doing the same. Remember, this 11.5 year old kid was deliberately playing dumb for attention and then was pushing 3 & 4 year old children down at a party. That is not okay and they had no choice but to discipline him. That is parenting, not bullying.
I'm not picking on you, but the term "bullying" is being too loosely applied to the wrong situations and it frosted by chocolate bacon cookie when I saw it on your first response.
I watched him tackling the little kids playing with the balloons.... I am assuming he had something to do with the time bs4 came over crying.
He was not punished for either. He was removed fROM the balloon situation and I didn't say anything about the other since BS didn't say anything about how he got hurt....just experience tells me that SS had something to do with it.
Put a stop to the sofa bit. Sofa's are for sitting on. No feet. No jumping around as a dog with fleas. Simple new house rule 'sit on sofa properly or sit on floor'.
SS is rather caught in at the awkward age. Way to big size wise to be a little one, way to young maturity and age wise to be a 'teen'. The age sucks. They are leaving 'childhood' behind (but still have some desire/impulse to like and want to do what younger kids do), yet not ready to be treated like a teen or really accepted into groups of teens 13 to 15 (16 to 18yr olds don't think much of 13 to 15yr olds either).
He's also been away all summer. Lord knows how babied or pampered he was treated where he was. Likely spent all summer not making one decision for himself or having any expectations to think much about doing for himself. And he also , as much as a pain in butt he can be, missed the routine and family at your home.
Of course none of that excuses him being rude or acting helpless now that he is home. Pretty much though everything you described was basically mildly annoying petty stuff. I think it's normal to have had the summer free and pretty much stress free , to be overly sensitive to the reentrance of having SS back. You'll take a bit to readjust.
If he wants to act all helpless and incapable, let DH have a dad to son discussion to him. If he wants to act 'little' treat him 'little' and have dad go in and 'teach' clothing. Basic a, b, c . 'These are church and dress up clothes, pick any of these for these occasions. These are school clothes blah blah blah. Where black socks with black shoes and white socks with sports shoes blah blah' and let dad help him organize kid's closet. After that all dad should have to do is say 'put on church clothes', 'put on school clothes'...you get the idea.
Necessary? Of course not. Save future repeats and everybody's sanity? Yep. And stops repeat performances of the shower and church silliness. Also add new house rule on playing appropriately with his younger siblings. He's huge compared to them and he can't play rough with them. He could really hurt them and not have meant to.
Hang-in there Peanut. Can you find a way to have a 'Peanut Morning' on Saturday morning (or afternoons). Call it Daddy Duty Time. Meaning Dad is on kid duty and Peanut is off doing whatever she pleases. No kids. No hassles. Even if it's just sleeping late and then doing a self mani/pedi. Something that gives Peanut time alone and she feels pampered. If house is too loud, wear an ipod during Peanut Morning. If you can escape the house and run errands or have coffee with a neighbor or friend, do that instead. DH needs to realize that you need time not to be working wife and mommy, but instead Peanut too. I've survived 33yrs of marriage and 5 kids by declaring 'Twoviewpoints Day and Daddy Duty times. Couldn't have made it without I don't think.
Sadly, his clothes are already separated....which makes the clothing issues that much more frustrating. He has a special organizer for his school uniforms, his drawers are for regular clothes and his closet is all church/party clothes. He has to really try to mess it up.
I sound ffrustrated in my posts, and i am..... But if kept my cool in person since hes been back. Venting here to keep it from building. Its def been a hard fall to reality.
I kinda think you should have let him wear the way too small shirt. Here's why - at some point in his afternoon he would have become uncomfortable. And then maybe - just maybe - he would have learned his lesson.
By making him go back in and change you/DH essentially rescued him. Negative attention is still attention.
(I realize that maybe a shower where you want the family to look nice and be respected isn't the place to learn that lesson, but maybe next time he pulls that stunt before going to school or running errands? let him suffer the consequences of his "choice")
Just as a side note - didn't you say previously that SS's BM abandoned him as an infant/toddler? Maybe he's stuck emotionally at that age?
Cps took SS away from bm when he was 2. She stopped taking him for eowe visit when he was 5. Since then she pops back in for a visit or (in our home) every few years.
Comments
All summer (skid free) I
All summer (skid free) I looked forward to the weekends like they were vacations. I loved every minute of being home. Now that SS is back I have nothing to look forward to. I want to get through the work week because I don't like my job, but then I just want to get through the work week because I can't stand being around ss11 so much. So I am back to just wishing my life away one day at a time.
He constantly listens in on our conversations and interjects stupid comments....or stares silently from the doorway. Talks constantly through TV shows to the point that they lose all enjoyment, repeating the same stupid joke/comment six or seven times. His fingers are constantly in his mouth.....or else has is playing with his feet and toes like an infant, contorting himself around on the couch to the point he falls off repeatedly. I am so scared that my 4 yr old is going to pick up on his mannerisms. To watch him you would think you were watchi g a two yr old and not a 11.5 yr old.
On Saturday we had a baby shower to go to for dhs co worker. It wasn't until 4. The boys and I were dressed by the time he finished breakfast.... Dressed in casual everyday clothes, not party clothes. He asks me if I had something special I wanted him to put on. I say the party isn't until 4 put on what you want. He still looked confused, and asked again if I wanted him to wear something specific. Just go get dressed SS. Am I expecting too much for a 11.6 yr old to assess the situation and see that everyone else in the family is in regular cloths so he doesn't need to get dressed up yet?
When it was time to get ready dh tell him to go get dressed in a collared shirt. He comes out and question s dh on something while I was getting dressed (didn't hear what specifically) I hear sh send him back in saying that his closet if filled to the brim with nice cloth to pick one and put it on. I come out to see SS in a shirt that is 4+ sizes too small. He had gone to the back of the closet and pulled a shirt from the garment bag of clothes that he had out grown but that we were saving (baptism suit, conformation suit etc) and squeezed into it. No lie, he pushed past about 25 shirts that would have been perfectly acceptable to get to this shirt. Dh hadn't said anything to him yet so I just politely said SS, that shirt is clearly way too small, go put on something that fits. Dh turned around to see him and gave SS a wtf look and told him to put on a shirt that fits. He comes out again in an appropriate shirt. As we are about to leave I happen to notice that he is wearing back shorts and black socks with white socks. I debated whether to say anything g or not, but I decided to give him the head sup that he might want to put on black socks as it looked a bit silly to wear white socks with black shorts and black shoes. Very politely. Dh looks at him and says, dude, you were already wearing black sock! Are you doing this on purpose? Why do we have to keep telling you these things!?! His response? Well, abuela laid out all my clothes for me this summer. So he was purposely messing up to try and force us to lay out his clothes like he's a toddler.
We get to the shower and all the kids there pretty much broke upinto age groups..... The little kids were playing with balloons on the dance floor area (it was held at an event hall) the 7-13ish aged kids were playing in another area and the teens were chatting at a table. Take one guess where ss11 chose to play? Yep, with the little kids with the balloons. And of coarse he was the one kid acting inappropriately. After several "looks" and several reminders on how to act I finally had to send him to sit with dh as he decided to run at the little kids from the opposite direction, grab their clothes as they passed him and tackle them to the ground....little 3 and 4 yr old kids.
SS won a shower game and when they came to give him his gift card prize....the lady asked him if he liked chick filet he just shrugged (he loves it) and he took the card, put it in his pocket and turned his back to her. No thank you. Dh told him to thank her and was horribly embarrassed.... But didn't have a talk with SS as I think should have been done.
It is so embarassing to take SS out in public..... I hate that people think he is mine. I got many many compliments on both bs4 and bs1.... How polite they were how sweet how cute.....nothing about SS. At one point bs4 came running up to me crying, saying he fell and hurt his back.....SS was right next to him she. It happened. I didnt see it happen and BS didnt say anything about it.... But I can't help but wonder if SS did something g to him. Every time SS plays with bs4 unsupervised he ends up hurt and in tears.
Sunday step mil was supposed
Sunday step mil was supposed to pick him up for church. I ask dh what time...she said she would be here before 9. So I wake him up and have him get ready. He come out and bs4 says to him (I couldn't see him, only hear the conversation). SS, that's what you are wearing tochurch? It doesn't look too smiffy (spiffy). So SS goes and changes and come oit dressed nicely. This kid dresses for church with smil almost every week....but needs the 4 year old to correct him before he will dress correctly?? Why does he insist on playing these games? Its like he enjoys being corrected.
Dh asked his step mom what time he should pick ss up she says dont wotry ill drop him off. Dh leaves it at that......never questions at what time. So are going about our day and she calls and asked where we are that she needs to go to work. So we have to drop everything and rush to her house. Pisses me offthat my day revolves aroind her schedule yet again
Wait....What?? Where do you
Wait....What??
Where do you see bullying. I think that word is thrown out a little too much these days.
They aren't making fun of him. They aren't shaming him. They are correcting his behavior and choices which is what his father should be doing. And you're making assumptions as to when and where they are correcting him.
Nitpicking? They were getting ready for a function where nicer clothes were necessary. It sounds like the SS was being delibertely difficult in order to force someone to treat him like a toddler. He's 11.5, old enough to pick out decent clothes and dress himself. My skid knew how to do this at 10. And from her second example, he clearly knows where his nice clothes are located as he was able dress up for church. On his own.
As to the 4 year old. My 5 year old niece once handed an adult a wooden spoon when that adults child was acting out and not listening to her parents, telling the grown up "You might want to use this." So don't tell me a 4 year old wouldn't be able to say "I thought you were going to church, what are you wearing that?" Clearly the 4 year old understands there are dress up situations.
This kid doesn't need help, he needs to father to sit down and have a come to jesus meeting with him.
He does not have autism as
He does not have autism as far as we know. He sees a psychiatrist every month for his ADHD and autism as never been mentioned as a possible issue. He knows damn well how to dress himself as he was perfectly able to before leaving to spend the summer with mil. Nothing g was said to him that I wouldnt say to my 4 yr old if he came out improperly dressed, he was told to go change into something appropriate.
Should we have let him leave the house in a shirt so small it was popping open at the buttons? Should I have allowed him to continue to tackle and hurt the preschoolers? Yeah, he is more comfortable around the smaller kids....which is fine until he acts inappropriately and becomes a danger to them. As I said he got the warning look several times and several verbal warnings before he was removed.
Peanut.......there are times
Peanut.......there are times when I wanted to bury DH's kid in the backyard from the age of 11 through 14. The deliberate stupidity drove me crazy. People will call it hormones. People will tell you it's just their age.
But personally, the behavior will continue as long as they're allowed to get away with it and if the adults in their life accept it as normal.
But truthfully, I tried playing this game with my parents at that age. I ended up on the wrong end of a boot in the ass and a loss of privileges. I learned fast that behaving like a dumbass would get me nowhere fast.
Hang in there and I hope your DH stays consistent with correcting this kid's piss poor behavior. It's time for him to learn independence.
I don't think it's a
I don't think it's a psychological issue as such - not like autism or a lack of understanding type. I do think it is attention seeking behavior that SS is doing on purpose.
I do think he may be engaging in extra attention seeking behavior because his sister is now living with grandma. It's gotta be kinda crazy making for a kid to have mom run out on you, have Grandma so desperately want your sister, have a stepparent that only tolerates you (though I don't blame peanut for that at all) and a dad that's pretty checked out of things and has said flat out that sister is the favorite. I do think the kid feels unloved and is going to go about getting attention any way he can.
The pretending to not know things to get someone to do them for you is generally called learned helplessness. It's something a Lot of guys do, at all ages, often because they're lazy and sometimes because they want attention and to be coddled.
As the the 4 year old, yes he's probably been exposed to "those clothes aren't appropriate for xyz, go change" but I don't see that as bullying or bad in any way. It means all the kids have been exposed enough to appropriate clothes for situations, like church, that even a 4 y/o recognizes when someone needs to be better dressed.
Oh course my 5 year old niece
Oh course my 5 year old niece was exposed to the occasional spanking. My sister and BIL spanked their kids from time to time. But they have amazing, smart, well behaved, well adjusted children ranging from 10 to 18. In fact, my sister probably has the most well behaved kids I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. And they're not perfect little robot children either. But I'm not going to get into that particular issue.
I dislike seeing labels like psychological problem for a simple situation. This is a lazy 11 year old boy who wants the world to wipe his ass for him because he's too busy playing with his DS (or whatever the hell kids play with these days).
I've seen this behavior in DH's kid as well. It's called pushing the fricking envelope to test their boundaries. It's called wanting the advantages of being a teenager but not the responsibilities. It's called an 11 year old (or 12, 13, 14, etc) seeing how far they can take things before watching Mom, Dad, Step or Teacher's head explode.
Yes....he may have been looking for (or expecting) the same amount of attention in Peanuts home as he got in BM's home. However part of growing up is learning the world doesn't revolve around you. He's nearly 12 years old, and he has to learn to adjust to the mature changes that are expected of him.
Bottom line, the transition phase when a skid returns from the other parents home is annoying and she came here to bitch about it. Not be told she was bullying her SS. Or that her DH was doing the same. Remember, this 11.5 year old kid was deliberately playing dumb for attention and then was pushing 3 & 4 year old children down at a party. That is not okay and they had no choice but to discipline him. That is parenting, not bullying.
I'm not picking on you, but the term "bullying" is being too loosely applied to the wrong situations and it frosted by chocolate bacon cookie when I saw it on your first response.
I watched him tackling the
I watched him tackling the little kids playing with the balloons.... I am assuming he had something to do with the time bs4 came over crying.
He was not punished for either. He was removed fROM the balloon situation and I didn't say anything about the other since BS didn't say anything about how he got hurt....just experience tells me that SS had something to do with it.
Put a stop to the sofa bit.
Put a stop to the sofa bit. Sofa's are for sitting on. No feet. No jumping around as a dog with fleas. Simple new house rule 'sit on sofa properly or sit on floor'.
SS is rather caught in at the awkward age. Way to big size wise to be a little one, way to young maturity and age wise to be a 'teen'. The age sucks. They are leaving 'childhood' behind (but still have some desire/impulse to like and want to do what younger kids do), yet not ready to be treated like a teen or really accepted into groups of teens 13 to 15 (16 to 18yr olds don't think much of 13 to 15yr olds either).
He's also been away all summer. Lord knows how babied or pampered he was treated where he was. Likely spent all summer not making one decision for himself or having any expectations to think much about doing for himself. And he also , as much as a pain in butt he can be, missed the routine and family at your home.
Of course none of that excuses him being rude or acting helpless now that he is home. Pretty much though everything you described was basically mildly annoying petty stuff. I think it's normal to have had the summer free and pretty much stress free , to be overly sensitive to the reentrance of having SS back. You'll take a bit to readjust.
If he wants to act all helpless and incapable, let DH have a dad to son discussion to him. If he wants to act 'little' treat him 'little' and have dad go in and 'teach' clothing. Basic a, b, c . 'These are church and dress up clothes, pick any of these for these occasions. These are school clothes blah blah blah. Where black socks with black shoes and white socks with sports shoes blah blah' and let dad help him organize kid's closet. After that all dad should have to do is say 'put on church clothes', 'put on school clothes'...you get the idea.
Necessary? Of course not. Save future repeats and everybody's sanity? Yep. And stops repeat performances of the shower and church silliness. Also add new house rule on playing appropriately with his younger siblings. He's huge compared to them and he can't play rough with them. He could really hurt them and not have meant to.
Hang-in there Peanut. Can you find a way to have a 'Peanut Morning' on Saturday morning (or afternoons). Call it Daddy Duty Time. Meaning Dad is on kid duty and Peanut is off doing whatever she pleases. No kids. No hassles. Even if it's just sleeping late and then doing a self mani/pedi. Something that gives Peanut time alone and she feels pampered. If house is too loud, wear an ipod during Peanut Morning. If you can escape the house and run errands or have coffee with a neighbor or friend, do that instead. DH needs to realize that you need time not to be working wife and mommy, but instead Peanut too. I've survived 33yrs of marriage and 5 kids by declaring 'Twoviewpoints Day and Daddy Duty times. Couldn't have made it without I don't think.
Sadly, his clothes are
Sadly, his clothes are already separated....which makes the clothing issues that much more frustrating. He has a special organizer for his school uniforms, his drawers are for regular clothes and his closet is all church/party clothes. He has to really try to mess it up.
I sound ffrustrated in my posts, and i am..... But if kept my cool in person since hes been back. Venting here to keep it from building. Its def been a hard fall to reality.
I kinda think you should have
I kinda think you should have let him wear the way too small shirt. Here's why - at some point in his afternoon he would have become uncomfortable. And then maybe - just maybe - he would have learned his lesson.
By making him go back in and change you/DH essentially rescued him. Negative attention is still attention.
(I realize that maybe a shower where you want the family to look nice and be respected isn't the place to learn that lesson, but maybe next time he pulls that stunt before going to school or running errands? let him suffer the consequences of his "choice")
Just as a side note - didn't you say previously that SS's BM abandoned him as an infant/toddler? Maybe he's stuck emotionally at that age?
Cps took SS away from bm when
Cps took SS away from bm when he was 2. She stopped taking him for eowe visit when he was 5. Since then she pops back in for a visit or (in our home) every few years.