cant stand ryan
My partner and I have been together a little over 3 years. She has 2 kids. 12 and 7. I absolutely love the 12 year old, however, cannot stand the 7 year old. He is beyond comprehension to me. I love kids, I mean really love to be around kids, but Ryan pushes me beyond my limits in my head. He screams for no reason, yells, whines like I have never seen a child whine. ALL THE TIME, IT NEVER ENDS. He rarely listens, he's manipulative and annoying. There are days that i hate coming home, or mornings I stay in my room until he goes to school so I don't have to have any interaction with him.
I know he has control over his behavior because he behaves in school and classes we sign him up for. His teaches say he is so helpful and well behaved. His mom spends an incredible amount of one on one time with him. Has nurtured him so much, so I cannot understand why his behavior is so rotten.
Its so hard to imagine disliking a child so much, but I cannot help it.
My partner knows how I feel, it hurts her feelings because this is her child, but she understands because as patient and loving as she is, Ryan is a hard child, even for his mother.
I was glad to see other posts like mine. It is very hard feeling like this. I feel some amount of guilt, but no matter how hard I try, i could go the rest of my life without ever seeing this kid again. Terrible, I know 
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Welcome, I hope you find this
Welcome, I hope you find this a good place to vent, contribute and pick up some useful perspective from others who are living the blended family dream.
Other than to say that he is only 7, I have nothing on this one.
My SS-18 has always been significantly behind the maturity curve so I feel your pain. In pre-school his teachers indicated that he was 2-3yrs ahead of the curve intellectually but 1-2yrs behind the curve from a maturity perspective. This actually got worse as he got older. By the time he finished HS he was an 8-12yo in an 18yo's body IMO. Others have commented that his maturity was ~12-14 but I guess I am a bit jaded by my 17+yrs of experience as his StepDad.
With the input from your SS-7's teachers he may have the same problem that my SS has.
Dealing with a PITA kid is, well, a PITA. Dealing with a PITA kid who acts significantly younger than his age is infuriating.
At least in my experience.
Hang in there.
Thank you for your response,
Thank you for your response, it was so nice to just vent! It is a relief to know that other people feel the same way. It's so frustrating. Sometimes it feels hopeless. None of our efforts work. What a weird concept to think that way over a 7 year old child.
Do you have kids of your own?
Do you have kids of your own? Ahhh...I hope you do...if you don't, as the horrible witch I am..."WHYYYYYY do men with no kids look for women with kids???" sigh...
Anyway, welcome...glad you can vent...sorry I vented in YOUR thread...hehe
My partner and I had a baby
My partner and I had a baby together
Why not take him hiking? Like
Why not take him hiking? Like 10 mile hikes on a Sunday. Then he will be exhausted and shut up.
I know how you feel. Does the boy see his Dad? What part of the equation are you? Are you a surrogate dad? Provider of funds and nothing else?
What is stopping you from getting down to his level and tell him one more grizzle or whine and he is going to bed? And if he continues you will be driving him to the nearest park where he will be running 20 laps.
Just a thought, without a good male role model who can nudge him into manhood he is doomed to being pampered by his mother. Because he certainly has her figured out hasn't he? I bet he gots more of his mothers time than anyone else in the house.
I really wouldn't care if the
I really wouldn't care if the the men I date in the future have kids or not because I am never planning to live with someone or marry again - at least until I'm an empty nester! That said, what he does with his kids in his place is of no consequence to me and vice versa, and as a bonus I also don't get the additional child that comes in the form of the SO/H himself !
Funny thing is, in the past I have said that I'd consider it being with a man with children again if the man's children were already adults, but after reading some of the issues people have with adult SKs on this site I have concluded that option as probably not very viable either. Then I sometimes still think maybe I could do it if the children were very young (3 years or less) so that I could have an opportunity to bond with them and have more "parental" influence over their upbringing, but again based on some of the experiences on this site I've learned that children this young usually come with the "crazy" BM, and I wouldn't want to deal with that either!
Thank you for the time and
Thank you for the time and effort you put into your response to my post. I added a little more info
I feel for you. I made the
I feel for you. I made the mistake twice. My ex had a daughter and it was a nightmare. We ended up divorcing after many issues with my SD14 being one of them. Then I got remarried 5 years ago and have three more stepkids. Life is rough and I would never do it again. Good luck to you...
Thanks for your response,
Thanks for your response, good luck to you as well
Wow, thank you all for
Wow, thank you all for responding. This site is great.
To clarify a little, I am a woman in a relationship with another woman.
My Ss spends quite a bit of quality time with his dad, but his mom, my Partner is the residential parent.
Ryan was and is very bonded to his mother, not so much with his dad, but he loves to hang with dad.
As a matter of fact, in this past month He has mentioned to mom that because him and I are not getting along he would rather spend more time with dad.
While that would be great, it's not an option, nor would I think that would solve anything. AND, as much as dad is involved, he's not settled down and couldn't handle Ryan either.
Ryans parents were split when we met. He loved his mom and I together, even tried to call me mom. I didn't feel comfortable with that. I took a lot of attention away fro
Him in his eyes because we had just started a relationship and mom was very focused on us.
My partner and I had a baby 17 months ago. Also, a jealousy for Ryan. There are many reasons why I can see why Ryan has a hard time with me. I get it, but he still loves me and being around me, as shut off as I am to him.
I don't know, it's tough all around, for everyone. Blended family's are soooo hard.
I am in a career that I am am familiar with counseling, medications, mental disorders. And with all the knowledge and resources I have, I still have no hope that my relationship will improve with Ryan. My partner fears that the relationship might become worse as he enters into teens years.
Ok, I am typing this on my phone and am afraid I'll lose it if I don't send it now.
You guys are great, thanks for the responses. I look forward to reading more about everyone elses similar situations.
8 years later and I still can’t stand Ryan
I created this post in 2011 and every moment since then I've still lived most of these past years unhappy with Ss who is now 16. I started this blog when he was 7. BM and I have had 2 more kids together since 2011. Ryan can be an amazing brother, kind to friends. But just so rude to me, his teachers, and anyone that challenges him. BM still supports me, but it's not enough anymore. 12 years of "support" and we are still here! I am forced to be around him for the rest of my life bc my children love him so much. It's just so overwhelming to imagine my life surrounding him even after he's moved out. I've lived with him full time for 12 years and looked forward everyday to him moving out. Now my 10 year old and him are inseparable.
Just feeling hopeless again. I'm stuck with him bc I love my kids and my kids love him.
I was hoping as he grew up he would calm down and become more respectful. He's been on Meds for ADHD and anxiety for almost a year now. He's definitely calmed down, but the disrespect IS THERE 24/7.
Ugh! I'm so trapped and unhappy with my wife bc of this. We've done therapy with him, yep nothing changed!
I can't leave my wife, I love her and we have kids. I just don't want to be in this house with him for one more day.
As he's gotten older his disrespect is more vulgar.
Bitch, asshole, FU, I hate you. You're pathetic. Get a life...and so on. Those aren't in frequent pet names he uses I get that weekly. Grounding him or taking his phone away does nothing, he has no sense of empathy with me and never apologizes.