I'm 38 weeks pregnant and BM wants ME to watch her kids on Saturday so she can party.
BM called us to see if we can take the skids on Saturday afternoon and for the night. She has a work party she's going to, and there will be drinking involved so she said it'd be better for her not to have the kids. Wait, her actual phrase was, "Someone will be taking the kids, whether its your or my mom or a babysitter."
Okay, so we're happy on the one hand that BM is actually calling us to see if we want them first, before automatically shipping them off to her sitter's house. But, let me add that it's a work BOWLING party that starts at 2pm. So I was like, "Why would we need to have them the whole night if it is a bowling party that starts at 2? You don't bowl for 10 hours???" and apparently he had already asked BM that and she said that it's a rowdy crowd and they'll probably make a night of it. But it's really annoying me right now that she can't just oh, maybe NOT drink at this party, knowing she's supposed to have her kids? But okay, fine...she's got plans and is trying to make things work. I get it. And I get that we should all be flexible with each other to make life easier.
FDH told her that he will check with me, because he has to work on Saturday night so it would be me alone with the skids. Here's the OTHER part that bugs me: this didn't change her tone at all. I'm 38 weeks pregnant, which she knows very well, and do I really need to be sitting around at home on Saturday afternoon/night with HER kids running rampant all by myself??? Maybe I'm being too woe-is-me but I've been soooo exhausted the last two weeks and this last month of pregnancy has been kicking my butt!
I told FDH that I don't feel comfortable taking the skids by myself for 6+ hours at this point...plus, I worry about what happens if I have to go to the hospital unexpectedly and have to worry about getting the skids taken care of (FDH at work, BM is drunk, etc) in that event. I know it might be silly to some of you who've been there, done that, but I just have a lot of anxiety about going into labor and stuff, this being my first. Thankfully, FDH was COMPLETLEY understanding and decided to tell her that we'd take them for a few hours in the afternoon (during his break between jobs) but that she'd have to figure out something else for after 6pm. Waiting to hear what her plan is...
UPDATE: We're taking the kids from 2-5 on Saturday, at which time BM's mom is coming to pick them up and they'll spend the night with her. BM says that actually works better because she'll probably go to her mom's house after the bar anyway (they live close to the bars downtown) so she doesn't have to drive all the way home...
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No, I would be anxious too.
No, I would be anxious too. You want to feel like people are there for you, not the other way around.
What about taking them for a few hours when DH is there then send them to a sitters or her moms.
Absolutely not!
Absolutely not!
^^^^^ This!^^^^^^^
^^^^^ This!^^^^^^^
Ok-first of all I don't see a
Ok-first of all I don't see a problem with BM or SMOM or anyone having a night out, hanging w/their crowd late-making a night of it, drinking...everyone deserves to have fun and some personal time to unwind in the manner they see fit.
PERSONALLY-my exh has asked me to swap wknds w/him for his Christmas party where they were going to spend the night at a hotel-I said yes...he would likely do it for me. So I have no issue w/helping out that way. BUT I wouldn't expect my bf to take care of MY kids while I was at work to accomodate my exh...does that make sense?
So-it's cool she DID ask you first-shows she likely feels more comfortable w/them being w/you-more relaxed in order to go out-at least this is how I am w/my ex. So I feel ok to let my hair down and have fun that way knowing they are w/dad vs my mom or sitter...BUT she does have other back up plans and that's good also. Perhaps she may chose to not have them w/you guys at all and make a day/night of it w/her parents..whathaveyou.
I think you are tired and very pregnant but no need to be upset about her going out drinking for a night either
being it on her wknd or not-are they with her the majority of time?
Personally as a full time custodial I find it selfish if a NCP can't on ocassion (not all the time) take an extra day to be w/HIS own children. I see the opposite also-for a while there my bf's eow turned into 50pct time...w/NO previos agreement from him-but an ocassional request to have an extra day/night w/his own kids is not unreasonable and shouldn't be that big of a deal. Till what time does your DH work? Another choice would be for him to pick up kids from grandparents/sitter for the night and let them watch the kids during the day?
I know this site is full of unreasonable bm's (and smoms for that matter also lol)....but I guess I try to live and behave reasonably.
I KNOW there are times as a single parent I made it a priority to get out to a certain party and had some time to myself-I raised these kids on my own, they are with me 27 days of the month-I take them to every appt, parent/teach conference-stay home when they are sick, jump through hoops to make arrangements for bday parties, playdates, sports, on and on. So if my ex begrudged me a day/night to myself I'd think he's an idiot and selfish and just being spiteful-especially if he is NCP who rarely sees his kids and lives 20min way...BUT that woudl be HIS responsibility-NOT yours kwim?
I think your decision was fine.
I do thank you for trying to
I do thank you for trying to show me the other side. And YES I completely understand helping each other out...like I said, I GET that and YES I do agree everyone should be allowed to let their hair down every so often. But BM lets her hair down EVERY weekend she is supposed to have her kids. Also, side note -- we have SS3 50% of the time (every other weekend plus days during the week) and this weekend BM also wants us to take her daughter, SD5, who we never have on the weekends anymore (and who is not my FDH's kid). BM has PLENTY of opportunities to go out, and she uses them all, PLUS she carts the kids off to babysitters or her parents every time she is supposed to have them. There's a lot that goes into why this is annoying, besides the pregnant thing.
Ahhh ok, now I remember the
Ahhh ok, now I remember the "back" history-she is the one that pawsn her D off every time...and if she isn't having the kids her wknds but instead always partying that definately changes my answer. As I said...if we are talking reasonable that's different.
I DO understand-believe me, my bf has his D EOW and ocassional week days by CO visitation set...BUT he ends up w/a LOT more then that-almost 50pct also-and on her wknds she also sends the girl all over the place, to his parents, to friends, her family-so in that case I say NO way...again if it were your H taking him that's different but YOU aren't responsible to babysit for her!
Not everyone lives in
Not everyone lives in unreasonable land w/unreasonable exe's, parents, and step parents though-stepping up sounds like they are trying to be flexible w/eachother.
BUT I may need some more history about her case.
A FATHER being with his kids is NOT babysitting...it's being a parent.
Exactly-hence why I said it's
Exactly-hence why I said it's not for HER to take responsibility in this case...100pct agreed!
Im just thinking that if you
Im just thinking that if you and your DH were each other's first spouses and you were pregnant with his first kid you could just relax, right? BM got to do that! She didnt have additional pressure to accept hordes of rowdy kids into her home when she was that pregagnt. screw her!
Just say no. Tell her sorry,
Just say no. Tell her sorry, it's not on your watch, or your weekend. And enjoy the quiet.
I don't know where people are getting that you are upset she is going drinking, and BM's can't have any FUN. I get that she has a stupid reason for wanting to switch weekends, and with you 38 weeks pregnant she was an ass to even ask. But not everyone is calm and reasonable like me.