Just wanted to share with all of you, my ST friends, a SMALL but important story about my FDH & how he is SLOWLY starting to "clue fskids in" about the MASSIVE CS$$ he pays BM/his exW. For those of you that don't know this background, my FDH pays over $1600/month (plus 90% of all "extras" and unreimbursed medical/dental expenses) for 2 kids that we share true 50/50 joint physical & legal custoday with his exW/BM!!

Yesterday, we were all driving together in the car: me & my FDH (in front seat), FSD16 & FSS13 in back seat. We were on our way to TAKE THEM OUT TO LUNCH, mind you. The conversation arose about how this year was a rough year, financially - and my FDH was telling fskids that he couldn't afford to spend the (massive) amounts on them for Christmas gifts this year. I stayed QUIET during the ENTIRE conversation (yay Milomom!! it was tough). This is just PART OF the conversation (to keep post as brief as possible, I am leaving out some of the convo before this point):

DH (apologetically): "...so since this year has been rough financially, I'm unable to get you guys the amount of gifts I usually get each of you for Christmas. There will be less gifts to open this year. But the gifts I have gotten for you are the ones you asked me for (more expensive bigger gifts)."

(Aside: to give you ONE example of over $8,000 in additional expenses FDH has paid for fskids this year, FSS13's braces of which about $1700 was not covered by FDH's insurance - 100% of which was paid by FDH & 0% by BM - but FDH didn't mention this in the conversation)

SD: But WWHHY can't you get me [lists a few XYZ gifts] that I asked you to get me that you said you didn't even BOTHER to get? God, MOM ALWAYS GETS US ALLLL THE CHRISTMAS GIFTS EVERY YEAR..."

Now this statement, in the past, NEVER would have made my FDH bat an eyelash - he would have stayed QUIET while skids spewed venom about what a MOTY BM is for ALWAYS spending "all HER money" on them. Heaven forbid (in the past) he EVER let fskids in on the "secret" fact of the MASSIVE CS$$ he pays BM that would shatter these poor COD's image of BM & tell them the TRUTH.

But...the Heavens must have been watching because all of a sudden, FDH responds to SD:

FDH: "How do you think your MOTHER is BUYING all of those Christmas gifts for you??? With ALL OF THE MONEY I SEND HER EVERY MONTH so that you two will be taken care of...THAT'S HOW!"

SD: uhhh, uhhh (quiet)

Literally, I almost CHOKED when he said that!! I was SOOOO shocked!! :jawdrop: :jawdrop: I could tell that FDH was actually SO FRUSTRATED and SO TIRED of being made to look like the "BAD FATHER" because he simply cannot afford to support TWO FAMILIES, all the while sharing 50/50 true joint custody with BM.

I am SOOOOOO glad and grateful that the day has FINALLY come (it has been over 6.5 years in the making, mind you) that FDH has gotten to this point. He has been dealing with these ungrateful, entitled, greedy BM-clones for MANY years by biting his tongue and "taking the high road" (TM) and "doing the right thing for his kids" (TM). He has been doing this with fskids (getting frustrated and calling them on their "entitlement issues") more and more lately.

My theory is that maybe FDH feels that now fskids are older and are at ages (16 & 13) where they can understand the concept of CS$$. Where do they think all of "her money" comes from when she only works 2-3 days/week and their father works 6 days/week??? Up until this point, FDH has only EVER mentioned ANYTHING to fskids about the concept of CS$$ he pays to BM ONCE BEFORE - in 6.5 years!!!!!

For all these years, FDH has always believed in "sheltering" fskids about the whole CS concept - tried to keep it away from them, as we DO BELIEVE that the concept of CS$$ should be NONE of fskids' concern. However, when there's a BM purposely PASing them FOR YEARS & making them believe she's MOTY and spending all of HER MONEY on them ALL THE TIME (hence, making them believe that their Dad is "cheap" and won't spend ANY money on them), without correcting them as to the actual FACTS (that the money she has & is spending is all coming from their DAD every 2 weeks), then there has to be a line drawn in the sand at some point.

I am doing the "happy dance" right now!!! It is a delayed reaction - I was so shocked yesterday that he actually stood up for himself with fskids that I haven't been able to celebrate yet. LOL!!!

****Milomom doing a virtual Happy Dance all over StepTalk right now and raising a virtual glass of champagne****

File under (Crayon, this is for you): ONE SMALL STEP FOR FATHERS, ONE GIANT STEP FOR STEPMOTHERS EVERYWHERE!!!!!