Question
So many SM's on here despise or dont look forward to their skids visiting. I read more often of negative situations regarding the kids relationships with the smoms than the other way around. My only issue is i argue with my hubby over stuff regarding my ss and the bm. and of course the bm is crazy and causes issues daily. If i hated or disliked my ss i would have left. but my ss has my heart and will always have my heart. When he is sick, he wants me. If he has a bad dream he wants me. We read a book together every night before bed. my ss and i do so many things together and have such a bond that i feel like he is my son and i truly believe that when i have children of my own i will not love him any less. He is such a special boy who has won over the hearts of my entire family. My parents are called meme and papa by my ss because they have such an amazing relationship, my sisters and brother are his aunts and uncle. he is truly a huge part of our family and my life. Things have been very tough the bm is so threatened by me and knows that i am a better mother than she can ever dream of being and in return attacks me almost daily with complaints, emails, texts etc to my husband. it has been a long difficult road and if it wasnt for my ss and our relationship i dont know if i could have or could continue to hang in there. so after that long speech im just wondering how many of you have great relationships with your skids? and for those of you that dont- why do you think that is the case? i would like to add that i walked into my ss's life when he was barely walking and talking. he was a a year and five months old and obviously he doest remember life without me or a life of mom and dad being together which im sure helps greatly. just curious! thanks 
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Comments
I don't have a great
I don't have a great relationship with skids. I think it's for many reasons:
1) They were much older when I came into their lives, already set in their behaviors
2) They didn't have any real rules or discipline before me
3) I don't feel like their father backs me entirely in trying to enforce rules in our home
4) I don't like the way they treat me, or their father
5) Their mother tries to make them feel guilty when they are with us
i have pretty much the same
i have pretty much the same reasons as you do. But i would have to add
clean clothes are not so much an option as requirement
6) I tried to show them manners
7) I tried to show that showers won't hurt you
This caused too much commmotion between their father and i so i said fine - theyre your monsters, you can take responsibility for them entirely.
*oops* finger twitch
*oops* finger twitch :O
I only get cranky when
I only get cranky when Uberskank sends their kid to us on an off weekend or holiday. This happens more often than you'd think...like last Mother's Day. And DH takes her regardless of our plans, like going out of town or a special date night planned weeks in advance.
Otherwise her presence EOWE does not affect my life. I disengaged nearly two years ago because of what was happening with DH's kid. I very rarely speak to DH's kid. DH & his child can do whatever they wish as long as it doesn't disrupt my personal plans. I long ago stopped making special plans for the three of us. I leave it up to DH, and usually his kid spends all of her time with the friends she made in our neighborhood.
I think I have a really good
I think I have a really good relationship with my SS8. My DH is the NCP so we only get SS EOW, but when he is here, he's very well behaved and always giving random hugs and such. I think a lot of this is because SS was 2 when I came into his life. His memories of BM and DH together are very limited - in fact, he actually substituted me into his memory in place of his mom on one of the things. I thought it was pretty funny - BM was pissed.
My relationship with SD15 is okay. She is a typical teenager who thinks she should be handed everything. I attribute a lot of our tensions to her BM. (Not the same BM as SS's BM). BM doesn't like me because DH used to be her beck-and-call boy and would pretty much do and deal with whatever BM dished out. That and I helped DH grill her in court. Haha. But, I respect her and she seems to respect me so it usually works out. I think I really lucked out because SD despises BM#2. If I was DW#2, i think her attitude would probably be much different towards me, especially because i know for a fact that BM#1 has told SD that DH left her for BM#2 (not true, but what BM#1 believes). Of course BM#2 thinks DH left her for me (although we met the day their divorce decree was signed). But BM#1 and DH were married and then got divorced when SD was 6, so she knew life when BM and DH were together, which directly affects her attitude towards things.
My relationship with SS20 is relatively new. But he has probably been the most respectful and thoughtful of them all. I've only met him once but I've talked to him on the phone, through Facebook and MySpace, and he is just such a good kid. I feel bad for him because his BM is a drug addict. Fortunately, he went into the Army rather than following in her footsteps, so i've stepped up to take on that mothering role to him. I let him know we love him, that we support him, and that we worry about him. He does not get this same support from his BM which is really sad. Fortunately though, I've never had to deal with his BM so i don't even include her in the count.
Most of my issues are with the BMs and their crazy antics.
My relationship with the SS's
My relationship with the SS's it good for the most part. They drive me insaine just like my BD's do (that's why I blogg), but they are kids and I am the only mother that these boys have since their mom got up and left. But they are also older 13 and 10 so they had that stand offishness at time and the occassional attitude.
I have also witnessed my BD9 has a bond with her stepmom, because she was only a year when Dad and her got together. BD9 doesn't know any different. But things are changing, BD's step mom is going to have a baby (girl) so BD9 will no longer be the baby in her dad's or stepmoms life, so we will see how that goes. I have already stated to notice a little attitude towards stepmom.
It's good that you have that relastionship with your SS, he needs that if his mom is a little wacky. And I commend you for sticking with it despite BM stupidity. SS needs that stability and love.
My relationship with the SS's
My relationship with the SS's it good for the most part. They drive me insaine just like my BD's do (that's why I blogg), but they are kids and I am the only mother that these boys have since their mom got up and left. But they are also older 13 and 10 so they had that stand offishness at time and the occassional attitude.
I have also witnessed my BD9 has a bond with her stepmom, because she was only a year when Dad and her got together. BD9 doesn't know any different. But things are changing, BD's step mom is going to have a baby (girl) so BD9 will no longer be the baby in her dad's or stepmoms life, so we will see how that goes. I have already stated to notice a little attitude towards stepmom.
It's good that you have that relastionship with your SS, he needs that if his mom is a little wacky. And I commend you for sticking with it despite BM stupidity. SS needs that stability and love.
I don't have a relationship
I don't have a relationship with SS18 - he is a drug addict. I have a GREAT relationship with SD11 - which makes BM crazy.
I have a good relationship
I have a good relationship with my skids. We get along very well and have a lot of fun together. DH is CP and a very hands on parent which all helps. He also gives me the freedom to actually parent his kids also. I've been in the skids life since they were 2, 4 and 6 and I think age is a big factor too.
I think BM and her boyfriend make half-hearted attempts to poison the kids against me, but it's hard for them to be effective when the kids know me so well.