Gosh, after 20 years of being a stepmom and trying other forums, it has been nice to find this one. Most others just have folks telling you that you're wrong and shouldn't be frustrated!

Married SD's dad when SD was 7, never had custody but SD came over EVERY weekend, until her late teens when she had other things to do, then after she got married the weekly visits started again but this time mostly for free meals (taking SD and SIL out for lunch or dinner).

DH has always been obsesssed with SD and we've always dropped everything if she wanted something. All of our (mutual) tax returns over the years have gone to her, including for college education. When DH took a cut in pay several years ago we did not adjust child support, we just kept paying because I had a decent job. Obsessed with SD it putting it mildly; when she was 10 and had chicken pox (and I had never had them), he still insisted she come over (or else he was going to take her to a movie...ack!). You guessed it, I got the chicken pox from her and I was 30 years old. Do you know how sick you get when you have chicken pox at 30? It can be fatal. Well, I'm still here was sick as a dog. When she had mono, same thing. When she was a teen and dating a boy her dad didn't like, I am the one who insisted DH keep his relationship up with SD.

I work full-time plus as a writer under deadline pressure. I'm only 48 and don't intend to retire soon. I've been in perimenopause for over a year, and in May I had an endometrial ablation. Even though that helped SOME of the symptoms, I was still diagnosed as clinically depressed and sought help. So I know I am not imagining problems that don't exist. And I also admit to being moody!

I lost a baby with DH 15 years ago. After that, I found a hobby that keeps me sane. It is also time-consuming (I show dogs) so I am on the road about every other weekend.

I have 2-year-old step-grandtwins. Ever since the GCs were born, DH spends all day one day each weekend with SD and GCs. DH is also working full-time. I get to hear him complain about how much time he DOESN'T have, and then he spends all this time with the GCs. And he gets upset if I don't go with him.

I love the GCs but I am not ready to be a dottery, doting grandparent. I still work full time, and I still enjoy my dog hobby. Quite frankly, though maybe selfishly, I am just not ready to give up the things I enjoy to spend that much time with the SD and GC's.

And to top it off, SD says that MOST people would be GRATEFUL to have the GCs. I'm sorry, but I am just not there yet. I'm willing to spend time with them - to a point. But I'm not giving up "my" life for them.

I am disturbingly glad that we lost the baby 15 years ago. How could I explain to a child that the "first" child was more important?

Thank you again for this site, it is wonderful to not be judged as an evil person just because I have feelings, and thank you for letting me vent.