am i just being sensitive????
ok so bm had custody of skids 9 and 6. dh was never really around to help me after work with our two babies dd3 and ds6 months. i work full time and would get them from daycare and care for them, cook and clean until bed. i am the only one to wake up and feed the baby during the night. dh would go to a friends house everday after work and not come home until everyone was already in bed most nights. he gets off early on fridays and instead of helping me out and getting the kids he would just go hang out. also, he gets rainouts, never once did he go get our kids, he would let me do it all. but when it was his weekend, he was all about the skids and pay some attention to our children but made more of an effort with the skids. i would get on to him for this and he would say that he doesnt have to spend time with us becuase he lives with us. sleeping under the same roof is not the same as spending time. i was not asking him to spend less time with the skids, just more with our babies. i have always felt he treated them way better than our kids and he always throws it in my face that i knew about them before we got togeter. true. but that doesnt have anything to do with the fact that he ignors our children...
since cps removed the children from bm and placed them at our house, dh has been bringing/picking them up from daycare. dotting on them constantly. i know they have been through alot and i'm not complaining about his involvement with them but i cant help but get angry that he NEVER acted that way with my babies...but i dont say anything.
dd3 has to have weekly allergy shots (we just started them a couple of weeks ago) and she cries and hates to get them. dh tells her he is going to take her to get ice cream since she got a shot yesterday. after work dh calls me and said he was taking us all for ice cream. i told him i was going to bring her to get one since i dont think everyone should get an ice cream since she's the only one who got a shot. not to mention ss9 gets detention every week and ss6 is fighting in school daily. i dont think that behaviour should be rewarded.
dh comes home an hour late. and i ask if they are hungry, and he says no. "well why not? did you guys already eat something?" he replies that they had a snack. then ss6 whispers to me that they stopped at a fast food place and ate dinner. but dh told him not to tell me so i wouldnt get mad that he didnt get dd3 anything to eat.
what??!!
i ask dh, he says that he figured i got us something when i got her an ice cream. ok i can understand that, but why would he tell skids to lie to me and why would he lie about what they ate if he really thought we had got something??? doesnt make sense to me...i brought it up and we had the same fight that i knew about them before we got together. i hate when he tells me that.
- txcajunmom's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Nope doesnt sound like you
Nope doesnt sound like you are being too sensitive to me. Yes, you knew about stepkids but your biochildren matter just as much. Do you think he felt guilty for spending time with biochildren when he couldnt skids so he didnt pay as much attention to your two children together? It is no excuse either because he is the one who helped make them. It almost sounds as if you are the single parent trying to raise your two children.
On another note, at least he doesnt ask you to pick up skids from daycare and such. I would suggest your husband go to counseling with you to help resolve these issues before they dissolve your marriage.
Good luck sweetie!:)
first off, thanks! i didnt
first off, thanks! i didnt think i was but sometimes he makes me feel like i'm crazy...
secondly, no way would he ask me to pick the skids up...he told me last night he has to do everything for them becuase i "damn sure wouldnt". i told him he was right i wouldnt because they ar his responsibility. and yes i do think he avoided us because he felt guilty but he also spent 3 days a week with them during baseball season, and we got them eow and every sunday even though it was bm's weekend. it still doesnt make it right. and yes i do feel like i'm raising our kids while he takes care of his. it shouldnt be like that. i would do more for his kids if he ever helpd me
Ruh Roh Raggy! Anything that
Ruh Roh Raggy! Anything that that has, "don't tell" in it is a recipe for disaster. I'm not really sure how "you knew about them before we got together" comes in to play here. Should be all or nothing, united or nothing. I'd get to the bottom of this favortism thing like yesterday. AND, if you can't trust your DH, then who the hell can you trust?? Lies/don't tells? I'm so pissed off on your behalf! *Hugs*
this is a super shitty
this is a super shitty situation for you & bios... i have to wonder, is he more into spending time with skids b/c they are older?? no excuse by far.... but he better have some answers for his favoritism...like, "i'm scared i'll break the small ones" or "i'm not responsible enough for a toddler and a baby"
i would be super duper pissed and he wouldn't have a happy night until he started expressing some fairness..... fyi, i'm in super bitch mode right now, with a small buzz sparking...
oh believe you me, i am
oh believe you me, i am PISSED! i'm just so tired of having the same arguement. he does not see his favortism and it really makes me so mad. i start to resent the skids because of him. i hate this. he's gonna get his butt chewed when he gets home today!!
how about making a chart,
how about making a chart, showing all the kids and what is done for who and by who.... shopping/cooking/pick ups/baths/homework/ play time/extras
give the dumb ass a visual and see how he argues that logic.
Geez, men can be so thick
Geez, men can be so thick headed sometimes! Does he admit to treating the kids differently? I hope that he wakes up soon, because in a couple of years the kids are going to notice the differences too, and that's just going to suck for everyone.
And the fact that you knew about the S-Kids before is a mute point, because the problem isn't with how they are treated, it's how the bio-kids are treated. Don't feel bad about how you are feeling, you are not over-reacting.....He's acting like a jack-ass!
OMG, I used to go through a
OMG, I used to go through a very similiar situation. We fought alot about this and DH eventually changed his ways...some. I fortunately did not have to have SKs live with us, but DH tried to play favorites with them. I had to continually point it out to him to get him to modify his behavior. Also had to get him on board to take turns dropping off and picking up biokids at daycare. He also thought he was going to hang out with friends instead of taking care of his biokids.....that just did not work for me. It wasn't pretty, but we got through it. He still doesn't do his share of cleaning but some things I have just given up on. Good Luck to you. Don't give up.
Even without the SKs in the
Even without the SKs in the equation, you are doing way too much and that kind of unfair burden wears thin. He went to a friend's house every day? He sounds very immature. I was married to someone like that and I recommend counseling if he won't listen. He needs to be your partner not just the guy who brings home a check and eats and sleeps there.