LOL!! BM just txt me and called me!
BM texted me saying "I dnt apprectate u telling Sd10 about the lunch $ that's none of your business"
so i txt back saying "If you have something to tell me, you can call me i'm not going to waste my time txting."
We just got off the phone. BM told me "Why did you tell my daughter that her dad shouldn't give her money" I said, "All i told Sd was that if she was not going to take the 5$ her dad was handing her than he shouldn't give her none that day."
SD always wants 10$ everyday so her ass can get all this food at lunch, like if she really needs it, she's big like her mom. :sick: BM said, That's none of your business, that's her dad, you need to just let them be." I said, "Ummmm no i'm not going to let SD scream at her dad saying "what em i going to eat with five dollars! Anyways, BM whatever happens here at my house iS none of YOUR BUSINESS!" BM hanged up on me after i told her that what happens at my house is none of her business. lol!
What do you think?
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Addy - I think you and DH
Addy - I think you and DH need to go to SD's school website and look at how much lunches actually cost. I just gave SD here a check for $40 - FORTY dollars payable to the school - and that covered TWENTY-ONE (21) LUNCHES!!
It's a meal plan that they have. The 40 bucks goes into a school account, skiddo swipes her card at lunch time and the amount is taken off. So the 40 may go a little less or a little more.
I find it hard to believe that your SD's lunches cost $5 a day - $25 a week - $100 a month. And if they aren't - I would wonder where that extra money is going to.
As far as BM, once you have the info of how much school lunches actually cost, then you can combat her by telling her that it is not good for SD to carry too much extra cash at school - for any reason.
And oh yeah - I'm feeling pretty feisty lately, and I just had it out with BM over here - so the next time BM tells you that it's between her and her dad, - THIS IS MY OPINION - I would tell BM, "Not in MY house!"
BM doesn't want her to get
BM doesn't want her to get the school lunch, BM wants her to get chips and soda and all the junk SD can get her hands to. Your right Stick, not at MY house! Thanks
Addy - it's in SD's best
Addy - it's in SD's best interest that she gets the school lunch and not all the chips and soda she can get her hands on. Besides, it's also not about what BM wants SD to eat for lunch. It's about what is in SD's best interest to eat for lunch. That $ you send to the school can be spent any way by the child, but the parents sometimes actually get to see what SD is eating.
I have found that as much as BM tries to argue with us about HER daughter, and how she would do ANYTHING for her daughter, when we counter with "It's not about you, it's about what is in SD's best interest." and just keep repeating that, BM eventually shuts up. Because really, how can she argue with a program where you pay the school and get to make sure that SD is eating properly? She can't, and still try to claim that she's a great mother. Or, she could, but then it makes it a lot easier to laugh at her and throw her own words in her face.
Besides, if BM has that much of an interest in SD getting more money than she needs, I would be wondering if BM is getting the "change".
That has been DH and BM's
That has been DH and BM's fight lately, because BM doesn't want us to get SD the school lunch because HER daughter is not poor. Yea since it's not coming out of BM's pocket! I think SD is giving her BM the change, to get her fake nails done. lol!
Well, the Father is still THE
Well, the Father is still THE OTHER PARENT! It drives me crazy that so many BM's on here refer to the skids as "their" children, like the father is not a parent that counts. Our BM over here just said something similar to this last week to DH and I. It's all about THE MOTHER and the father is just, well, you know - there. BM was ranting and raving at DH and she was pissed because DH has such a great relationship with his daughter, and BM over here does not. She actually said that she hopes / can't wait because someday SD might have a bad relationship with DH and then BM would be hapy. (F8ckin crazy ass b*tch.)
Sorry to hijack... The whole bit about "HER daughter is not poor" is so freakin' stupid and sounds just like BM here and I"m pretty angry lately. My whole point was, I don't think the school lunch program has anything to do with being poor. As far as I can see, it is the school's way for parents to make sure that their kid is eating properly. But your BM turning it into a status symbol is just so reminiscent. She's a horrible influence on that kid. I'm sure you know.
Yea BM feels like she is
Yea BM feels like she is letting us have the kids, NO B*tch it's court order! As we taked she was asking my SD "so what did SM say?" I can hear my SD saying idk, i feel like she is just always looking for little things to get to me. BM's b*tch ass needs to get a life and leave me alone! We don't bug them for all the little stupid sh*t they do, which is all the time!
If you DO feel like playing
If you DO feel like playing into BM's game (a bit) you - or better yet, her dad - could pack a lunch to take to school. WAY cheaper than buying from a vending machine!
Sounds like she needs to let
Sounds like she needs to let the small stuff go. It can be hard to do, but in the long run it's best to pick your battles.
Apples, I agree with you. My
Apples, I agree with you.
My dh and I never bug BM on little things, but ohhh that B*TCH always has something to cry about! }:)
True addy! hehe, being on
True addy! hehe, being on both sides of the coin at the moment, I sit here reading posts in this weird position, sometimes I read and defend the BM, sometimes I sit here and defend the SM. I guess at the end of the day all that truly matters is not sweating the small stuff, it will only eat at you turn you into a ball of stress..
Throwing fire balls will only blister your hand.
Look FIRSTWIFE, yea your
Look FIRSTWIFE, yea your right we are not the mothers, but it would be nice to have the BM act like a mom and not try to find any little thing to get me on the phone with her.(BM loves my voice i guess) lol!
I do mind my own business, but when things happen at MY house it's all MY business!
Smarmy and Disrespectful??? Please I'm not the one said we suck!!
I was not going to waste my
I was not going to waste my time on txting her!! If she had something to tell me she could call me! & plus she did confront me in txt, i don't play little girl txting games! We are grown azz women!
How ugly we sound? Yes, I
How ugly we sound? Yes, I will admit - I did have a big blowout with the bio mom in my life just last week. Do you know that that bio mom has put herself and money above her own child? Do you know that DH and I are not only raising that child, but that we worked very very hard to get her to give her mom another chance. That bio mom's own actions in this case alienated her own daughter to the point where said daughter did not want to even touch her mom by hugging her?
Do you know that in therapy, when it was Bio Mom's birthday and SD said she didn't want to go, and therapist was saying it's ok for SD not to go to her own mom's birthday - it was DH AND I that said - NO ... YOU GO CELEBRATE YOUR MOM'S BIRTHDAY WITH HER.
The bio mom in my situation gave birth to this child. But according to my own (step)daughter - I am more of a mom to her than her own mom is. That was an unprompted comment from a child who has been struggling with her own feelings about the neglect her mom had put her through.
You really need to look deeper than just reading a few blogs and passing judgment. We all do it on here at the beginning. I did too. And like I said, there's VERY FEW women on here that I would say "yeah, they are who you are talking about." But the majority of the bio mom's we deal with on this site are not good mothers. IT DOES HAPPEN.
I really really agree with
I really really agree with love them all, i think 1wife and her children should get help. Seems like time has passed and they still feel the same. Seek help 1wife.
First Wife - please defend
First Wife - please defend this scenario from a bio mom's point of view ...
BM had daughter move out of her home and in with dad and stepmom. The transition was traumatic and there came a time when BM only talked to her own daughter about 1x a month and saw her about 1x a month. On the day that BM and SD were supposed to spend a sunny Saturday in the summer together - their first visit in a very long time - BM decided to help her sister out at her neighborhood garage sale. Bio Mom offered daughter to come and get her, so daughter could hang out at the garage sale all day long (a 15 year old). Daughter said no, so Bio mom stayed with her sister instead. BM was supposed to pick her daughter up at 1:00pm that day. She showed up between 7p - 8pm that night. Daughter was crushed. BM proved to her daughter once again that spending actual time with her was not as important as hanging out with her sister (whom she sees every weekend) at a garage sale.
Can you defend this bio mother to me? Do you know how many of us are in situations similar to this? Not all bio moms take responsibility for their own actions either. I have to deal with this woman in our life and pick up the pieces of her irresponsibility with my SD every.single.day. And MANY MANY WOMEN ON THIS SITE HAVE IT 100X WORSE THAN ME. Drugs, PAS, promiscuity, on and on. Being a bio mother does not give you a pass on life.
**APPLAUSE** Many of us have
**APPLAUSE**
Many of us have experiences with a BM that we would like firstwife to explain their perspective.
How about any BM who put their vindictive nature and need for revenge above what is in the child's best interest?
And as far as the OP being in the wrong...why is the BM being so great by saying that her child needs $10 a DAY to spend on JUNK FOOD???? How is that a good thing, even if it WAS the BM's call???
Why is this BM even calling
Why is this BM even calling the SM? Why isn't she calling the FATHER? My thought is she wants to stir the pot and cause probems.
Their kid, THEIR problem. BM's got a problem, talk to the BD and get him to solve it. Unless of course she thinks the BD will put her in her place about sweating the small stuff, feedingthe kiddo junk food and pocketing his change.
FYI-i am a BM and no longer a SM but some women have a hard time letting go and only want to insert themselves into other homes.
Of course ideally the BM would give the kiddo lunch money out of her CS, which is for the kid and leave the SM out of it.
Ladies, there's a book out
Ladies, there's a book out there called "No-one's the Bitch", pretty good title. I have not read this book, nor will I. I think it's aimed mainly at BMs/SMs to try to build a working relationship, so I guess it would be more helpful for ppl with young children. I've looked at the website - just Google "No-one's the Bitch", it looks quite interesting. They offer a 10 step plan or something like that to help get the BM and SM on the same page. Maybe in some cases it's just a definite no-no, but even so, it makes for good reading.
Unfortunately, this only
Unfortunately, this only applies to 2 sane adults who are interested in working together for the sake of the children.
I would have been more than happy to bend over backwards for our BM but I learned quickly that you can't reason with crazy.
A. DEVILLE NO, we don't live
A. DEVILLE
NO, we don't live with MIL! The reason why BM's brother came to my house to hit me was because BM wanted to pick the kids up early and Dh didn't let her so he came to pick up the kids and Dh and i didn't let her!
Bm's brother got arrested for traspassing and trying to hit me.
You don't know anything about me or what i been through so don't judge me or think what you think is right!
(IF YOUR GOING TO TALK ABOUT ME LIKE IF YOU KNOW ME, THAN F*CK OFF MY SH*IT AND DON'T COMMENT ON MY VENTING BLOG)
Just a tip, don't communicate
Just a tip, don't communicate with BM if you can't do it nicely. If she's texting you, forward the text or show it to DH and tell him to respond. I know how frustrating it is. I was a family friend of BM and my BF before BF and I got involved (yeah sounds scandalous and like I'm some kind of home wrecker but trust me that home was wrecked long before I came in the picture... I just gave him the courage to stand up for himself). She attempted to be friends with me before BF and I got involved and regularly told me lies about how horrible he was, meanwhile going behind my back and telling him lies about how horrible I was. Obviously neither of us believed her. But it makes it hard to not take things personally when she attacks us.
The way I've been coping with it is to see her as someone who is very mentally ill and not capable of functioning like the rest of us. I focus on SD and think instead, how do I need to behave to provide her with consistency and stability so she can trust me. Remember, you have no relationship with BM. You have a relationship with SD. It's tough but it's not your fight. Let DH answer for himself. BM should only use your phone number in *emergencies* if she can't get ahold of DH.