You are here

Vacation without SS11

astra's picture

Submitted by astra on Mon, 09/20/2010 - 12:05am

I've never traveled outside of the US (except to southern Ontario) and I really want to go everywhere. This summer I had a bit of a freak out thinking that I'd never get to travel all the places I'd like to go because I'd settled down too soon with a man who has a child. My husband, being wonderful, told me to put our money where my mouth was and to just book whatever trip I want to go on. If it was that important to me then we just needed to do it and to stop making excuses.

The problem I'm having is that he doesn't want to take SS11 with us. He says he doesn't think SS would appreciate or enjoy the trip. However, I think not taking him could cause jealously and whatnot for the kid and I don't want/need any more reasons for him to feel excluded or unwanted. We normally do a vacation with him each summer where we drive to somewhere in the US. When we decided on a place out of the country to go to, he told us he'd prefer not to go there and instead go to Arizona. So we've been planning the international trip without him for this winter.

I dunno. I guess I'm just looking for someone else who's had a similar experience to give me some insight into this kind of situation. I don't want to take him if he'll be whining about going, but I don't want him to feel like we don't want him around. Any advice?

Comments

they8ntmine's picture

Submitted by they8ntmine on Mon, 09/20/2010 - 12:10am

I haven't had a similar experience, but I don't think you should feel guilty about it. Save your money and take a trip whereever you and if you want tell SS it's a second honeymoon or a first, if you haven't taken one yet. Book a place at adults only type place or whereever and enjoy yourself!!! You deserve to have a vacation with your DH without kids around.

Smile

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Submitted by GoodbyeNormaJean on Mon, 09/20/2010 - 12:11am

Can you take a trip without him, and then take a trip with him later, say, to somewhere he might enjoy more?

Look, it doesn't make you a jerk for enjoying some time without him. Parents with bio kids enjoy time without them. I'm looking forward to dropping off my 2 older bios as well as my 3 steps this weekend and having some peace and quiet. I've got a book I've been dying to get to, and some "me" projects in the house that I don't need interrupted.

It won't hurt him if you go enjoy some time and do something without him, besides, it sounds like he's not that into going. Just do something else with him later that's more about him. If that makes him feel left out, he's looking for a reason, so don't worry about it. He'll get over it just fine.

glam-mom's picture

Submitted by glam-mom on Mon, 09/20/2010 - 12:36am

i am very happy to see how kind u r in thinking of his feelings regarding the vacation u want do much! but he'll get over it... u enjoy urself!

vgill's picture

Submitted by vgill on Mon, 09/20/2010 - 5:47am

Take you trip with out him and enjoy it, you need a vacation too, because taking a vacation with kids as fun as it is is also alot of work, then next summer go on a Family vacation and let him be part of the planning so he feels important! don't feel quilty go enjoy yourself, if your worried about jelousy... I'm jelous Dh and I havent had our honeymoon yet and we have been together almost 6 years, we are just waiting untill we can afford to go someplace where our 6 kids can't go!!LOL!!

Stick's picture

Submitted by Stick on Mon, 09/20/2010 - 6:31am

Astra - your SS has already let you know that he doesn't want to go out of the country. That may change when he is older, and he may have that opportunity in high school or in college. (Study abroad in college. In HS here, they have done trips to Spain and France.)

Since SS really is already okay with it, and you take a trip every summer without him, I don't think there would be too many hard feelings. I would just remember to keep talking about HIS trip when you are with him, and not gush over and over again about YOUR trip. Or, talk about both.

I'd be more worried about BM trying to place ideas in SS's head, but again - just keep planning the trip in the US that SS wants to go on with SS, that should keep him happy and distracted.

It would be so great for you and DH to do that for yourselves while you can. That can really help you guys reconnect and also later, IF things ever got tough, you would be able to look fondly back. You wouldn't feel as though you take all these trips / spend all this money on SS and not on yourself / your husband / your marriage.

Getaways for 2 are good for the relationship and for your soul!