You are here

SS10 doesn't want a sibling

astra's picture

Submitted by astra on Fri, 08/14/2009 - 6:03pm

The other day SS was going on about how he doesn't like 'little' kids or babies. I told him that they could be difficult at times but that they can be a lot of fun as well. I also said he'd better get used to the idea of having a lil' person around since he'd have a little brother or sister at some point.
He started crying and I was a little surprised since we've talked about this before. He said he didn't want a sibling because little kids get all the attention and his dad won't love him as much. I told him that simply wasn't true and that we'd both love him just as much, if not more, than we do now. It's really been bothering me that he would even think this. It also makes me worry about having more kids.

Comments

TheCharm's picture

Submitted by TheCharm on Fri, 08/14/2009 - 6:38pm

Don't let a 10yr old make that big a decision for you. That is between you and your DH and no one else.
He's probably hearing negative things from friends, his BM, or TV. All you and DH can do is have conversations w/ him before and even more during pregnancy. Then show him after the fact that he isn't going to miss out on anything. Smart kids believe what they see/experience more than what they hear. In addition, as he gets older he will crave less parental attention/affection anyway. When puberty hits in a few yrs he won't want to be the center of dad's universe.

Abigail's picture

Submitted by Abigail on Fri, 08/14/2009 - 8:25pm

It made me angry that he thought I should not have more kids because HE didn't want them. Shoot, he's moving out in a few years. I felt like having one even though DH and I don't even want one!

Bottom line, SS doesn't want to compete with your child and I am not sure he can be reassured if BM is telling him otherwise. Somehow, I doubt a 10 year in an intact family would have this reaction. This is a unique Step family dynamic and the frustrating thing is, there is probably no reason for him to worry.

You shouldn't let this stop you from having a family. Get the boy counseling but you can't let him control your life like this.

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Sat, 08/15/2009 - 7:49am

No children get to pick the members or number of their family, in a step or intact family. If you are at all inclined to have one, I think it could only be good for SS, to learn - he is not the center of the universe!
_________________________________________________________
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.

William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2

Catlover's picture

Submitted by Catlover on Sat, 08/15/2009 - 8:03am

She was 10 at the time and was destroyed because she didn't want another sibling (she has SS who is 2 years younger). You know what? Zoom ahead and now BD is 15 months and SD LOVES her little sister. SD plays with her, has fun with her, and has said that she misses her when she is with BM. She has come a long way and now wouldn't trade BD for anything. The funny thing is when DH and I talk about having more kids, she bursts into tears and says she doesn't want more siblings. So you can't really judge by that reaction. And certainly don't let your SS be the deciding vote.

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"