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I left him and now i am miserable

alwaysme's picture

Submitted by alwaysme on Mon, 09/06/2010 - 7:53pm

Well i left my husband after years of being last place in his list of priorities, i no longer have self esteem and am constantly crying and angry. I realised i can not live that way anymore.
As you may see from my previous blogs that my husband has always dropped everything for skids and his ex and i am the one that has actually had to look after them all.

But anyway now i dont know if that is what i want. I dont think i deserve to be treated like shit anymore. My husband has had gambling problems, lost his licence drink driving twice, is an alcoholic but has not had a drink in 2 months. He used to not come home til the next day when he went out... he has been diagnosed with bi-polar and is now on medication and is fixing himself and now that i have a drama with feeling like shit and him not putting his wife in the big picture (i feel like a tennant in my own home) I have no say in his kids or the money he gives his ex and all i am asking from him is some consideration. He tells me i have a problem with anger and he has been fixing himself so therefore i need to get help. He has done everything he can apparently.

Perhaps i am angry because i have endured 4 years of the nightmare that has been his life and all i want in return is for him to consider me a part of his life and his family, not just a nanny.

Part of me thinks i have made the right choice but at the same time i am completely miserable and want to go home. I dont know what to do. Maybe i should just go home and learn to not do anything for the kids anymore. We have a baby together and it breaks my heart. I really wanted a family for her.

Comments

cyberwoman's picture

Submitted by cyberwoman on Mon, 09/06/2010 - 8:49pm

Hang in there, things will get sorted out. Talk to a friend a relative or a therapist who can give you an alternate perspective. Sending you positive thoughts. Smile

krenee86's picture

Submitted by krenee86 on Tue, 09/07/2010 - 1:07am

Its never easy to leave someone, especially someone you've built a life with. But from what I got out of your statement was that you didn't have much of a life anyways because he wouldn't LET you have one. You felt you needed to leave him for a reason and I think your brave for doing so. Maybe this time apart will help you take a step back to better see the situation, to better see that what you did was the right or wrong choice. Maybe it will help him see that gee maybe he should let you in more and maybe he should stop treating you as though your a nanny! I too feel that way about my situation as well. I agree a lot with sueu2's reply also. I hope all this helps you a little. Just hang in there. What is meant to be will be!

thefrau's picture

Submitted by thefrau on Tue, 09/07/2010 - 4:17am

sueu2 is sooo right here. If you feel that you've endured years of someone not giving you priority, it is time that YOU did. Give this a try. The pain that you're feeling now is completely normal. You would be a special kind of freak if you just bounced away with smiles, dancing, and laughter after all you've been through.

mommylove's picture

Submitted by mommylove on Tue, 09/07/2010 - 12:21pm

Great Advice - Spot on! Especially this part:

"You may not know it but a miserable mommy in a miserable marriage is not what your daughter needs. And you will only be teaching her to tolerate the same things she sees you tolerate and think that is the way marriage and relationships are supposed to be. Your daughter will become you. The only question is which you do you want to present to her."

I agree 100%!

alwaysme's picture

Submitted by alwaysme on Tue, 09/07/2010 - 7:10pm

You know what sueu2 we have had some differences before but with this i have read and reread your post and thankyou, you are so very right, and like you said i am mourning what i wanted our marriage to be, not what it was.