Happily married w/a stepson from hell
:? I have been married less than a month but have been with my husband for over 2 years. I have 3 children of my own and pregnant with my first child of my husbands. He has a 7 year old from a previous marriage. The BM is recieving child support (600 a month) alimony (500 a month) lives in a house that my father in law pays for. Their son goes to a very expensive private school/after school care (which we pay for)
I have known my step son and his father since before we were dating. My whole family knew them. We have always known my stepson to have behavior problems (ADHD) My sister would babysit him and knew there was issues with his behavoir. When I pointed it out to my husband he had him diagnosed. When the stepmother found out she immediatly called the doctor and refused for them to prescribe medication although his teachers mentioned he needed it and he failed the 1st grade because of his ADHD.
Everyone knows he has behavior problems. He only eats chicken nuggets and peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches. He complains about everything. He even takes my 5 year old out of the house at early hours of the morning before anyone gets up. This concerns me because she will follow him anywhere and he may wind up in the street with my child.
I am totally frustrated. I get anxiety when I know his is coming home for the week. The mother is brain washing him to think we treat him bad and has convenced him that I am a bad person. Therefor, the SS believes it too. He calls his grandma to pick him up although I am going to the same school at the same time. Where do I go to control my anger!?
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I don't think you can just
I don't think you can just learn to control your anger in this situation and then things will become better. I think the biggest thing is to make sure that your husband is aware of your feelings, aware of what his son is doing and how he is acting, and is being proactive. If the school is pushing for him to be on medication, then your husband needs to also be a factor in getting that pushed through. If your husband has no say in that matter according to the courts, he can be referred to the appropriate people by the school so that basically his mother is forced to take him in to get him tested and possibly put on meds.
I think it all comes down to your sanity in the situation and the only thing that will make any difference is that your husband supports YOU and isn't looking at your stepson with blinders on. If he's on the same page as you, you could also get some family counseling services. If you can't afford it, look into mental health programs or famliy service programs in your area that offer classes or support for blended family issues. You may not get BM or stepson to participate but it could help you and your husband learn to deal with things.
For your own child's safety, do a lot of at-home teaching about safety (how to safely cross the street, what do do in certain situations, where your personal boundaries are as far as the neighborhood/block goes, etc). I think your best bet is to try to teach your own child what is appropriate, and eventually she will make good decisions even if your SS tries to (whether intentionally or not) steer her in the wrong direction.
I'd suggest to do a lot of
I'd suggest to do a lot of research on how diet affects adhd and try that route-medication should be a VERY last resort-especially only in 1st grade.