this message seems very prevelant on this site..... hopefully the negative individuals will wisen up to the fact that they are not being helpful and realize that the positive people realize what these negative individuals are lacking as people, they lack self-esteem.

Well Said. Lets hope that these people actually listen this time.

It comes and goes in waves, I find. The best advice I can give is to steer clear of the arguments and keep your focus on what you came here for in the first place, and if it starts on one of your own posts, make good use of your delete button.

Nothing anyone can say is going to suddenly make the "Negative Nellies" cut it out, but refusing to engage in it is a good strategy. If there's one thing I've learned on ST, it's that we can't control the actions of others, only our responses. In cases like the fighting that's cropped up over the past few days, the best way to respond is to ignore it and not add fuel - that's what instigators are hoping for and without it they have nothing to keep going on about.

I hope you continue to stick around and make use of the women (and men!) who are here to effectively offer help.

Hi there - just joined a few days ago as I was looking for advice on how to deal with my husband's ex and children and from what I read I actually feel better; people seem to have really bad problems, vibes and anger out there. I am actually grateful that I don't have to live with my SDs, that I don't have to records conversations, go to court, talk to my husband's ex, I'm not harrassed in any way etc... actually I'm starting to think this is hard-core compared to me. I feel very sorry for some people as I think it's really stressful - haven't seen any fights yet though but I agree, I'd like to make friends who can talk/help me in a positive way. If they just light my fire it won't help :/ I need peace! good luck to all!!!

PS I have called my husband's ex 'crazy' in a post to be honest, but I think she is sorry!! I'd never be rude if I saw her though - can't see how that would help, what I'd like is for us to get on but the woman hates me... it's hard being a second wife, that's a fact

Hey Micheles,
I just got married and my SDs are a bit older than yours... I have to say things seem to get worse and not better in some ways (sometimes it seems it's better but then back to old square one) -I just meant that I realise people have it worse than me, for example I don't have the BM harrasing me on the phone or trying to communicate with me, fortunately I don't have to involve police or court or judges, my husband can see his children whenever he wants, all I deal with is malicious gossip and the fact I'm maybe not mature enough to take it, I can stand that people have the wrong idea about us and especially the children, that they grow up to hate their Dad who's such a great person just because their Mum is in scorn and jealous. But what to do? nothing I'm afraid, she just won't listen and everyone feels sorry for her or is scared to deny her anything in case she turns kids against them. I feel isolated sometimes, it's more a mental thing but you see I don't even live with the children, I don't have to argue with them/see them etc so I admire and look up to people on this site who deal with much more serious problems than me.
What I mainly need advice on is how to get on with life without his ex wife making my life impossible? He seems to be fine but I'm consumed with hate because of her lies and how she is turning the kids into 2 people that think the worst of their Dad; he talks to them, he explains and tried to defend himself but in the end they live with her and believe her and have this loyalty towards her. Also they've heard all sorts of horrible things about me so have only seen me once and don't think they want to see me more, it's sad. When I have children how will they relate to their stepbrothers/sisters?
My husband's family has respect for me but are scared of her turning kids against them and so welcome her as if she's still his wife... he gets really mad and threatens to stop talking to them but I don't want him to lose his family so I encourage him to be patient and take it, I try to be understanding. His friends are nor her friends, most of them (ex friends - wives especially) didn't want to meet me when they separated as they felt sorry for her - now we have new friends but fact is he's lost many friends from childhood and it's so unfair. I can't get over it.
She's always there, she knows what we do, what we spend, where we go, I feel like we can't talk to anyone or trust anyone as info gets to her. My husband ignores her and just keeps cutting people off when he thinks they may 'spy' for her but I think life this way is stupid. Above all I worry for the kids: I want them to know their Dad is good and that he works hard for them.
Also the ex wife hates me particularly because my family is wealthy and she thinks my husband is with me for the money and keeps telling everyone that. I hate it as my Dad worked hard for what we have and I share with my husband and even help his family, in fact if it wasn't for me he wouldn't be able to help his children: and what I get is gossip saying I'm shallow and he's a gold-digger. His kids listen to these things and they are financially stuck (my husband pays for their things from his work-money, nothing comes from me, he alone takes care of them) and his Mum keeps telling them she has no money - what must they think? that their Dad and SM (me) are rich and don't want to help them in life? All this eats me inside.
Thanks to all those listening xxx