does anyone else think BM is an #$(*&@# for giving my DH photos of her vacations with the kids as a gift?

Every holiday, BM (who is openly hostile and hateful to DH and me) gives DH photos of his kids enjoying their vacations with BM as a "gift." She also gives copies to DH's parents.

I hate these photos -- I feel so intruded upon when they arrive, wrapped up or in frames. We have our OWN life with the kids, filled with our own photos. DH hates it, too.

Any way to get her to stop? DH won't man up and tell her because he is scared of her.

Mich811's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

Are they photos of just the

Are they photos of just the kids or is BM in them as well?

She is somewhat in them, as

She is somewhat in them, as is her new boyfriend. For example, her legs or arms are in the frame, or part of her face.

I would just mail them back, with a note attached saying "I have no room for these pictures since we have lots of pictures with me, DH, and skids on vacation on our walls already, please share with someone who could use them." Do it every time and maybe she will get the hint. Not rude, but not accepting either.

yes, i love this idea but DH

yes, i love this idea but DH won't do it, and I don't communicate with her at all.

My idea is to start giving

My idea is to start giving our own family vacation photos back to her, which is totally passive aggressive but might finally work...I hate playing games like that, but I'm so sick of these photos.

I would say avoid playing

I would say avoid playing games too even though sometimes it seems like it's the only way to get them to see how inappropriate they are. I agree with the above poster to send them back to her with a note saying that you don't have room for the pictures, and that maybe your skids would like to have them instead -- at HER house.

i like this too, except i

i like this too, except i think it would hurt the kids if they bring them back (they already ask why we don't put the photos up in our house).

We don't display them, and we

We don't display them, and we do throw them out. Our issue is that it is extremely awkward to have a viewing of scenes from their life together during our vacation time with the kids (we go away to inlaws home for DH's birthday). SD6 sees them and starts to cry that she misses her mommy (and later that night woke up vomiting and crying about it). It is jarring to feel intruded on by her life in the middle of ours.

I think in many ways it is hard for us not to take it as a passive aggressive act, because apart from sending these photos she is nasty and cold (she refuses to even look at me or say "hello" in return) so it seems her purpose is nefarious. If she was a warm person and we had positive interactions, I imagine it wouldn't be so irritating (but it would probably still upset SD).

Blended, she has every right

Blended, she has every right to be upset. She can't control what DH does ?? Well if he loves to see his ex in a picture, why don't he move in with her ? Display them, hell my exs picture would be trash where it belongs. }:)

yeah, exactly -- in this

yeah, exactly -- in this case, luckily DH agrees with me and hates getting these photos too.

i would shred them or at the

i would shred them or at the very least just the ones bm is present and put the others in a box in the garage.... and if the frames are worth a shit i would put my own photos in them... if they are cheap & trashy, i would just toss them.....

i do like the idea of sending your own holiday photos back to her, maybe in the same frames she sent you...

very tacky on bm's part!

thanks -- i agree. completely

thanks -- i agree. completely tacky. the frames are terrible too so we don't keep them. i like the idea of sending photos back in the SAME frames. funny.

UGH! your inlaws display

UGH! your inlaws display them??

yep, all over the house.

yep, all over the house. they display photos taken in BM's home (which is my DH's former home) in front of the fireplace, they put up the photos from BM's vacations with the skids, everything. I can't stand going there for many reasons, and this is one of them.

i don't blame you not one

i don't blame you not one little bit, it would be everything i could do not to say something, accidentally bust the frames all over the place, something...

but, nothing you can do about what inlaws do, so minimize your visits and make sure you have buzz material when you do have to visit and mention how fun the ride home or the evening will be with skid crying for bm after seeing the photos..

at the inlaws i ignore the

at the inlaws i ignore the photos (other than to smirk to myself when no one is looking). at our house, i wait until everyone is gone and then i have a tension release exercise where i slowly shred them, photo by photo, until they are all gone.

ironically, DH left the bag with the photos at inlaws house this time -- they offered to FEDEX(!!!) them back to us -- we replied that we really don't need them with any "urgency." goodness.

the other thing is that

the other thing is that everytime the inlaws get the photos they comment on how thoughtful and sweet BM is...and meanwhile, this woman wrecks havoc on my home and is a massive witch. so, it is even more annoying.

BM used to send the skids

BM used to send the skids over with a photo album - back when she used to send them with a bag. It had photos of her, their granny (her mother), their aunts (her sisters) and their cousins on her side. There were lots of empty pages. We started filling the empty pages with photos of us. One of SO and DD, one of me and DD, one of my other children...once BM saw what we were doing we NEVER saw that photo album again.

Maybe you should wrap up some photos of you on holidays - reuse the frames she sent her photos in - and give them to her as a gift.

That might get your point across.

that is so funny, and it is a

that is so funny, and it is a good sign -- maybe just one gift to BM of photos (just of the kids) from one of our trips with them will stop this madness.

Yeah, I agree that's a tad

Yeah, I agree that's a tad passive aggressive. Throw them out, burn them whatever makes you feel good and realize that she just spent a lot of time, effort and a bit of money to get a dig in. The more you let it get to you, the more successful she was that time and effort. When you open them and realize what they are, just laugh to yourself at what a tacky and pathetic person she is as you dump them in the trash.

Yeah, that is the only joy in

Yeah, that is the only joy in getting these photos -- many of them are so ridiculously tacky and staged (and the kids have these absurd, unnatural looks on their faces). It is all about the showboat.

HAHA, the "crazy grin" I call

HAHA, the "crazy grin" I call it, my boys do that when they are expecting the picture-I hate it too and I"m the mom lol, they look so, well, ridiculous. I always try to snap natural ones. Oh and yeah,a BM sending your exh pics of her and the kids on vacation...um-yeah definately Passive agressive.

I haven't even ever done the "professional pictures"-even when they were babes-i just dont' like them!

Just flat out tell her you

Just flat out tell her you dont want any gifts from her. Tell her you dont need pics of the kids from her cause you have tons of your own. If she gives you pics again, then do what the other poster said and send them back with a note to the effect of - we have too many family pics w/ skids.. no room. thanks anyway.

I wouldnt throw them out.

I wouldnt throw them out. They are pics of the kids, after all-but I wouldnt look at them either. I mean, not at all. If you know that is what it is before you open it-put it in a box at the top of a closet somewhere to save for your skids. If you feel the need to say anything to bm or send a note back I would thank her graciously for adding to the kids photo collections and let her know that you have stored them someplace safe for when the kids are older and can appreciate them more.

I'd do this IF (i) the photos

I'd do this IF (i) the photos didn't suck and (ii) I didn't hate BM...but in this case, neither applies. We have way better photos of the kids that we proudly display and love to look at, so I'm not worried about them not having a massive amount of photos when they are older (and I assume BM keeps these winners, too, so they can get them from her, I imagine).

or tell her to send them on a

or tell her to send them on a cd and save a tree.....and space..

OR, she can post on

OR, she can post on shutterfly, or one of those pic sites? There's tons out there...who prints pics now anyways?
That way you can chose/print any that you want....tell her that the "paper" prints you just don't have room for, you rather chose if you want to print any. Plus tell her it's in to be green and that you've declared yourself an official tree hugger