how have things been since day one? how long have u been with her? i think we need more info please!

Have you talked to her about it? What is her reasoning for ignoring him?

Sounds like something happened that caused her to back off. You say she is 'stricter'... Is it possible her 'strictness' is just implementing rules or setting boundaries? Maybe she felt you don't back her up with the rules and disciplining stuff so she decided to back off and let you take care of tour own kid by yourself. What was their relationship like after marriage and when did it change?

Have you told her that it hurts you when she behaves like that?

I can see my DH writing this post. WHat he doesn't ever factor into the picture is the way his child has treated me from day one. I don't know your history, I think everyone's interaction and family dynamics is different. Everyone is influenced by different family values and personalities. I can tell you my side of this kind of situation.

SD12 was never taught as a young child to be polite and speak when spoken to. She was never prompted to say hello when entering someone's home, to respond when greeted, or to show any courtesy. It always been excused as her being "shy". She is one thing, I was shy as a child and I am still rather quiet and introverted. However, shy is seldom accompanied by eye rolls and shoulder shrugs of indifference when spoken to.

I first tried to be kind and speak to SD. After much rejection and no encouragement from DH for SD to respond, I gave up. I no longer give much effort to communicate with her at all. He sees it and sees how SD shuts out any effort when I have tried. He chooses to not do anything to correct his child.

Again, I don't know if this is what is going on in your home but my guess is that your wife is reacting to something that is causing her resentment of your child. If you want to fix it you will need to be very open to hearing the source of that resentment.

Does your son greet her when you enter the home? While she is the adult here, your son is certainly old enough to know how to act respectfully and say "Hello Jane" I find it hard to believe that unless your son has been terribly rude and abusive in the past to her that she would not respond with at least a simple hello. It probably sounds petty, but maybe she just waiting for your son to greet HER?? Communication is a two way street

Yeah, my dh could have wrote this too-SS stopped speaking to me about 3 years ago-this was after him living here for 7 years and speaking to me daily. He moved out and was just kind of done with me. i went out of my way for about 2 years to speak to him-ask him about himself, school, etc. with little or a rude response. So I finally stopped-figuring if I gave him his "space" that he would come back around-never happened-so i dont go out of the way to speak to him-if for some crazy reason he does speak to me I am more than happy to talk to him. The only way he will greet me when he comes to the house is if his dad tells him he has to and then he will only do it if dh is standing right there to hear it.

Wow! It seems to me you need to grow a pair and explain to the person you married that it is not ok to treat your child that way. Your son will always be your son your flesh and blood but she could easily become your ex-wife. Shame on you! A child depends on you to be the voice of reason and to protect them at all cost! How sad for your son that the bad guy he needs protection from lives in your house and should be one of the people he depends on and looks up to! Perhaps you need to take a long look at where your loyalties should be! Sorry that sounds a bit harsh but bloody hell man this is your son we are talking about not a dog! I would never allow anyone to make my child feel unloved or unwanted. I hope you
will do whats right for your child.

Well, that's pretty bad. You should really talk with your wife and ask her why she has been doing that. Explain to her nicely that i isn't proper that your child would be treated that way.

- Miriam (hospitals)"

gman2323, I hope to see you post more about your situation. I'm interested to hear this from the other perspective.

I agree with those posts which explain this woman, your wife, must be like this for a reason. Tell us more as I don't think this is the whole story, someone doesn't just act coldly for nothing. She must see you're doing something wrong, or maybe the boy is rude to her. Maybe she's trying to back off from it all as she can't stand it. I personally try to ignore my SDs as if not I would suffer more than I already do with crazy ex-wife. If they're nice great and very welcomed, but if not I just pretend they don't exist. Not rude, just ignore them - I think us second wives also have the right to peace and to a good life and not constant headaches ans crying. If she has another problem, like she's jealous, she would've been cold from the beginning. Talk to her and be honest and open. Also explain to her that she doesn't know what it's like to have kids (like me!... yet!) and that the love for your son is immense and how important it is for you she treats him well. Sometimes us who don't have bios don't understand...
I agree also with another post saying it's not worth it many times. My sister, like me, married a man divorced and with 2 girls and now they divorced too after having another 2 kids. I can say that one of the reasons for their split-up was the stress they went through (mainly my sister) having to bend backwards to please his children and gain their trust, all the bad moments with them etc. It destroyed them and I won't go through the same, that's why I keep my distance with my SDs. Think if your wife has seen something like this in friends or family and looks at her future with fear.
Good luck x