Would you tell DH????
SD and I were talking tonite and she was telling me about her trip with her BM and SF and brother. She was saying how SF was acting like a jerk and calling her fat and just saying some cruel things to her..... anyway, she also told me about an incident that happened at BM's house about a month ago that involves her brother. She told me that at a party BM & SF had, that her brother got so drunk, that he got alcohol poisoning and BM called 911 and an ambulance took him to the hospital. (SD was not at home - she was at a friends house) Anyway, SD just found out about this while they were on vacation. Here's the thing, I get along great with SD15, but SS17 and I do NOT get along at all....mainly because I can see right through his manipulation and refuse to fall into his trap of making everyone think he is perfect. I know that FDH does not know about this.... if I were to tell FDH, then he would think that I'm just telling him because I want SS to be removed from his pedestal and not be seen as 'perfect' in his eyes. Basically he would think I'm telling him for all the wrong reasons. BUT.. if it were SD that this happened to, I would not even hesitate to tell him about it because he would know that I'm telling him for the 'right' reasons. I feel as though I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't....... I need some help here..... do I tell him or not??
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He knows that BM allows him
He knows that BM allows him to have a beer or two, as well as FDH will allow him to have one too if he is not going out anywhere... I don't agree with this, but he's not my kids and I've already told FDH that if he gets busted, I would NOT cover for him.... his kid, his problem
Nope I wouldn't say a word,
Nope I wouldn't say a word, if there is animosity between you concerning SS, he will see it as an attack. Let SD tell him if she wants, and.....if SD wasn't there then it just sounds like heresay and you know how teenage girls love drama, so perhaps is a little embellished?
I thought of that too.... her
I thought of that too.... her embellishing, but she was there the next day and he was either sick or sleeping all day, even missed a get together with FDH's family. I don't know alot about alcohol poisoning and would think that if he really did go to the hospital, that the police would have been called and there would be some sort of investigation..... but I really don't know. I am definitely leaning towards not saying a word though. I did tell SD, that she needed to tell her dad that if it was true... so we'll see.
I think you should tell him,
I think you should tell him, because I can't imagine how angry & hurt he'd be if he found this out from someone else and then found out that you knew about it.
I'd tell him that SD mentioned it to you, and ask him to not say anything about it to her. Then he needs to have a chat with SS and BM, and call the hospital and ask them to give him their records (he can mail/fax them a copy of the custody/court order). Then I think he should take that documentation and submit it to CPS.
Hmm..what if...you said
Hmm..what if...you said 'Honey... SD mentioned something to me that I really feel you should know, but she told me in confidence, promise me that you'll talk to her and see if she'll talk about it' Underhanded yes...but it does get you out of the line of fire.
I agree, I know if it were my
I agree, I know if it were my BD or BS this happened to and he had heard about it and did not tell me, I'd be upset. I Would think the hospital would've been required to call the police especially since he is underage?? That's what I would like to find out. Because if that is the case, I would think he would have something on his record or be required to attend court or something. I have no clue about all this though. I just know if I tell him about this and it turns out to NOT be true..... then it makes me look like I was just trying start something, that's the reason for the hesitation on whether or not to say anything.
Not necessarily...some places
Not necessarily...some places are adopting a policy for instances like this. Because of alcohol poisoning deaths some places figure kids are scared to ask for help because they're afraid they'll get in trouble. Therefore minors avoid calling cops or taking their drunk friend to he hospital and said friend dies. So to avoid unnecessary deaths, if a minor comes in with alcohol poisoning or something like that then the victim or whoever brought the victim in will not get punished. I know they have some sort o policy like that here. Just saying that it could be true what your SD said and there may be no police record of it.
He definitely needs to know
He definitely needs to know about this, so that he and BM can address a possible drinking problem as well as both them agree as to if and how much they are going to allow the minor child to drink so that they both have the same rules regarding drinking and so that your SS has a clear idea of how they feel about drinking, when he can drink, where he can drink, and how much he can drink. Even if this conversation between the ex and dh never happens he still needs to know that his son had alcohol poisoning while in the care of his BM.
I would encourage SD tell him
I would encourage SD tell him as it stands now it's just heresay coming from you.
The next time the SD is at
The next time the SD is at your home, I would take her to her dad and announce that we need to have a talk. Then tell SD you need to tell your father what you told me.
Thanks everyone for your
Thanks everyone for your comments! I talked with FDH this morning when he called me (we work opposite shifts I work days - he works nights) and I asked him if him and SD have talked this morning, he asked about what and I said listen, I think you need to know something about SS and that in my opinion is a very serious issue. He stopped me and said that last night after I went to bed and SS was out with friends, SD came and told him about this. He said that he is upset that BM did not tell him and plans to have a talk with her. What about SS?? Aren't you going to talk to him too?? He plans on talking to him, but it's not his fault so nothing will happen. I brought up the fact that SS still seems to think it's okay to drink, and FDH got defensive and said he doesn't see why I think it's a big deal that if SS wants to have a drink or two. I explained that anyone that I know of that has had a bad experience with alcohol usually doesn't want anything to do with it for quite a while, especially if it required going to the hospital. But he disagrees with me and doesn't see anything wrong.... okay that's fine, but if he drank that much while he was around BM & SF, then I'd hate to see how much he would drink when he's with his friends who may be too scared to call anyone..... then what???? At least he knows and at least I was not the one to tell him and I can't be the scapegoat for all this. Although I'm sure that SS will somehow/someway blame it all on me. Oh well, like I told FDH, I'm trying to look out for the best interest of the kids.. but if you want I'll just turn my head to everything and if there is a serious issue, don't ask for my help or opinion. You're not allowed to complain about things if you don't try to fix them!!