Need advice
:?
I'm a stepfather of four kids, actually teens now. I'am very concern with my sd, she's 15 now and will be 16 soon. She has a crush at school. She's always been like that always have crushes (during elementary and middle school). She's in HS now. That's why I'm worried. I really don't want her to have BF until she graduated college. Same rules apply to her other siblings. I've been talking to her about it more than her other siblings, because I really don't want her to get hurt or get pregnant. I ask to please not to think about boys for now and concentrate on her school until she graduate. I Told her that a lot of boys her age (no offense to other) are not serious they only want one thing and that is s*x. She seems to listen (according to her). I told her that I just really want her to have a good future. A lot of times hear her talking to her siblings about her crush and she's teaching her younger brother about girls. She knows that I want for all of them to focus on their school. But everytime I talk to her she gets mad and telling me I have a lot of rules. I keep on explaining to her that the rules are not to give them a hard time on their teen life, I just want to keep the safe and avoid making stupid mistakes and ruined their future. I'm not really into social networkingwith exemption of this. I don't want them going into this kind of sites. I'm worried because a lot of teens have gone missing/abducted because of social networking. I told her that it's not the right time yet. But her bm, my wife is against me. She (my sd) still visit one of the site with her mom, the only thing she did is look for her crush. I'm really worried that this might continue and end up to bf//gf more than crush. When I approach her about visiting that site she gets mad. I love her so much, actually I love all my stepchildren. But my focus is on her she's special to me. A lot of time she does things behind my back. That's why my trust in her are getting less. Everytime I talk to about boys. She keeps on telling me, she will wait after college, but the she will ask me want about after HS? Of course I will say no. Then she will kinda agree. But how will I know I can trust her if keeps on talking about that guy/boy, teaching her younger brother about girls, complaining about my rules, does things behind my back and my wife is against me most of the time. I lost my peace of mind already. I don't know am I just being paranoid? All I wanted for her is to have a good and bright future, for all of them. Please help.
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Comments
If a teenage girl wants a
If a teenage girl wants a boyfriend, she'll get one, and she'll resent you like h*ll for trying to stop it.
The best thing to do, I think, would be explaining and educating her about why you feel the way you do. Don't go the route of trying to snoop around and control her.
Way over controlling. Our
Way over controlling. Our rule is no dating until 16. You are pushing it here. Kids date in HS. You can't stop it. I had boyfriends and still didn't have sex until I was 21. It can be done, but she has a right to have a boyfriend. Hell she probably does and you won't know about it.
Also, you are not her Dad. This is really not your place to decide this. She will resent you and this will push her directly into the arms of some boy.
Let her mom handle.
But, yes waiting until after college is a long time and very unrealistic. Dating can wait until 16, but after that she has a right to be social and have a boyfriend if she wants.
Looking back some of the best learning of how to be in a relationship came from the guys I dated in college. I would have hated to miss out on it.
Ok, am I the only one that is
Ok, am I the only one that is creeped out by the OP???!!!
NO! I was completely creeped
NO! I was completely creeped out, the whole loving her so much and focusing on her thing seems icky.
Ok good. A lot of stuff is
Ok good. A lot of stuff is weird in this post but this one stand out...
" I love her so much, actually I love all my stepchildren. But my focus is on her she's special to me"
Just eeewwwwww!!
*laughs* Ickyness aside… I
*laughs*
Ickyness aside… I kinda think it’s sweet. My step dad was SUPER weirded out when I started dating in high school. Actually… the first boy that ever came to my house to knock on the door and ask to take me to a movie was a huge, older looking than his age, Italian (so hairy!) Football playing Senior… and I was a dewy freshman. I was really excited and told them about it for a week… my mom even took me out to get a cute “date outfit” and everything! Well… when this giant galoot came a knocking at my door my step dad opened it… looked over the rim of his glasses at the kid… rose up to his full height of six foot five… said “Oh, HELL NO!” and slammed the door in his face!!!
My mom and I looked on kinda shocked and confused…. But he stuck to his guns… “HELL…. No.” I ran upstairs crying and didn’t talk to him for a month (and the senior boy did go on to date another freshman and knock her up her junior year…) but looking back on it these days I’m really grateful he was looking out for me. I think if ANY father had a say in it, he’d wish his little girl wouldn’t date till college. Doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a reasonable wish… but it’s still sweet.
Don’t push it step-da… just try to guide her along a little.
(and keep her away from the football team!!!)
Thank you all for the great
Thank you all for the great feedback. They are all helpful, eventhough some are very direct. They are all good responses. Special thanks to stepkate and moon child stepmom. Thank you all and we'll keep in touch.
Worried SF
I would just like to leave a
I would just like to leave a comment on the feedback that thinks I'am weird or ewww. My four SC are three boys and one girl. I treat her like a princess and girls/women should be treated like that right? I love them all evenly. I guess time just fly so fast, they are growing up so fast. I just feel like I didn't have enough time with them or her. We didn't (me and my SD) start our relationship (Like father and daughter relationship) in a good way. Their aunt keeps on borrowing them when they moved in with me. I really don't want to, because I want to spend time with them so we'll get know more about each other and make th feel that they are welcome. And for se reason their aunt keeps on borrowing her, until to a point that me my wife are arguing about it. My SD thought that I'm mad at her too, so she kinda pulled away herself from me. We started to be close to each other when she started 7th grade. And now I really feel like I didn't have enough time with her. All I wanted is to have more time with them or her, I guess..... Probably it's the reason I'm like this to them/her.
I told her I was sorry being such an a$$.