Sad Sad.. Relationship probably ending
Well, he's leaving to go overseas on Aug 5, he's getting his kids every weekend unti then. I understand, however it is summer can't he get them during the week, while I'm at work. considering he's on vacation until August? And let me have a day of peace? I so hate feeling like this, like I don't want them. He doesn't ask me if it is ok to get them this weekend to see if I'd like to have a day. My son is gone, so we would have the house to ourselves, peace, but he didnt' even ask me.
He gets mad and defensive when I say something about anything having to do with his kids. I don't think I can do this anymore. All revolves around him his schedule his kids, his life. etc etc. I'm just a bystander who cleans and cooks. I am crying because I want a relationship where someone is considerate of my feelings and needs.
After he gets mad at me for being upset about having them again, he starts calling me baby and comes into bed and snuggles. Am I sick or ? I feel worn out and I'm over this self centered crap of his. He's asian and I feel like I'm being abused? I guess I need to leave. I'm scared. I'm ok money wise but not rich.
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My BF used to do this a lot
My BF used to do this a lot (and he's not asian, lol)
I found that in order to have a constructive conversation, I had to make sure that I wasn't being the least bit combative. If I entered the conversation already frustrated, sad, or angry, he would get that much more defensive. It was very difficult for me not to get emotional, because I was tired and hated never being consulted about my time. My BF has been working Saturdays lately, and he would just assume that I would watch his daughter while he was away (I work full time during the week).
I kept the conversation about my feelings-I didn't complain about his daughter, or really about what he was doing, but I just told him how the current arrangement was making me feel. At first he would get a little defensive (and I still had to hold my feelings in check) then he would think about it, and things have started changing. I know my BF doesn't like being told what to do-so I just tell him how I'm feeling (not what he's doing wrong) and I let him 'come up with' the solution.
I hope I can hold out and do
I hope I can hold out and do that Stepkate, I am kind of worn out with the crap, but I admittedly, got angry and upset when he told me. I hope that I can learn to keep that in check while talking to him, I'm not so good at holding that in. I'm sure some of the blame is mine, they are good kids. But I just wanted a day of peace. I feel blindsided by him a lot of the time and it just makes me sad sad.
What you're asking doesn't
What you're asking doesn't sound like too much to me.
And yes, it is ridiculously hard not to get ticked off in a situation like this, but for me, it is the only way to reach a solution to the problem.
I totally agree with this
I totally agree with this suggestion. My DH did this to me on my birthday the first year we were together. I sent my biokids to grandma's house for the weekend and since we had just had the skids the previous weekend, we would be kid free...or so I thought. BM decided she wanted to go out of town and dropped the skids off at the house and DH did not let me know she was going to do this. I raised all kind of hell and then went and got me a hotel room with a jacuzzi and some wine and had my own birthday celebration! It would have been better if he was a part of it, but he chose not to be. So now, when I don't feel like playing made or chef, I crank up the truck and leave ALL the kids there with him and let him play daddy. I make him cook when they are there and do the dishes if SD17 or SS18 refuses. It didn't always use to be this way, but the tables have turned...gladly in my favor. }:)