Why can't i just leave?
It sounds so simple when you type it out. Doesn't feel that simple though. I know he will never change. He will never support or respect me and neither will his kids. I know I'm only teaching my daughter that its okay to let a man control, manipulate, and disrespect a woman. I know its not healthy for anyone involved. I don't know why I am so terrified to leave. Well, I'm sure I can think of a million reasons, but I know in the back of my mind they are just excuses. It's like jumping of a high dive... he pushes me to the edge, then begs me not to jump. Then, when I almost have the courage to take the leap. I freak out and change my mind. Or he catches me as I jump and pulls me back in. All the while, he's telling me about the horrible things that will happen if I jump. When I know all that's waiting for me is the cool refreshing water. My fresh start. I'm so lost.
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It is simple. Its just not
It is simple. Its just not easy. I think I've been on the edge of that cliff a couple times myself.
I know exactly what you're
I know exactly what you're going through, only in my case "leaving" would actually mean putting H out since I am actually the sole owner of the home we all live in. Definitely easier said than done - mainly because I just LOVE my H & neither one of us wants to be with anyone else, but unfortunately we have some SERIOUS problems in our marriage that I'm just not so sure can be fixed - even with counseling.
Sunshine, I feel for you. Let
Sunshine, I feel for you. Let me tell you as a man who has been through a whole ton of shit, who hates to give concrete advice, if in your gut you know it isn't right, there's a good chance it isn't right. You still have to make that last ditch effort though, for your own peace of mind.
Maybe sit him down and explain it all to him and tell him that you REALLY love him and you desperately want it to work out, but this deal isn't working for you the way it is, and you don't want to leave but if things don't change you'll have to.
Seriously write it all down on paper and say "here is what I need and if you can't do this I have to leave. You're very smart. You can understand these things I need. If you don't do them I have to assume that it's not that you can't understand them, it's that you don't care to do them. If you don't care to do them, then you don't care for me and I have to go."
You owe him the chance to look at and understand what you need. If he does that, if you spell it out for him, and he CHOOSES not to give you what you need, you owe it to YOURSELF to leave.
Then you can leave with a clear conscience and no regrets.
Good luck. I hope you end up happy.
Trust me, you can do it if
Trust me, you can do it if you want to. I agree with Iamconfused...spell it out as clearly as you can to your man...you love him, so tell him exactly what you want and give him the chance to see if he wants to change.
In my case, my exBF made it clear that yes, he wanted the same things I wanted but that he couldn't give them to me...which gave me no choice but to end things.
It's hard, but you know, being apart and alone is a lot better than being untrue to myself...it wasn't working and we both knew it.
I know exactly how you feel...I am living in a town that I moved to to be with my exBF and I am starting completely over.
Let me just tell you this...thinking about "jumping" is a lot worse than actually jumping. When you're really ready, and you'll just know when you are, you'll see the fear of jumping was worse than actually jumping...
I still love my exBF but when things aren't working you have to choose you over him. Give him a chance but if you know in your heart, and in your gut nothing is going to change, as iamconfused said, you owe it to yourself to leave.
Listen to your gut...it's your internal GPS...
Good luck to you...hope happier days are on the way, one way or the other.