O/T? Kinda?

My SO and I have been together for quite some time now. I just can't help but wonder about the future. Well I often (too much talk about us getting married. I can't help it. I come from a family where no one I mean no one has been divorced. I see marriage as a beautiful thing and I want to get married. More importantly I want to marry him. We are so perfect for one and other. We have a love and connection that just makes me know that this is it. Now I am sure I will get comments that I am too young and what have you. But that is completely beside the point.
My SO tells me all the time that he loves me and that we are always going to be together. But after 3+ years I am beginning to feel used. We share everything. One bank account, pay bills together, raise kiddo together. Everything that any normal married couple does. But now I feel like he is getting his milk and cow for free. HAHAHA. So I brought this up to him. I told him that I love him dearly but I feel like at this point he thinks that he does not need to make a commitment to me because he has everything he wants. So when I told him this he responded with, “Maybe if you would stop asking me when we are getting married I would propose.” WHAT??? He said that I am taking the fun out of it for him because he knows that I am expecting it. He said that he wants this to be special for me because when we get married that is it for me and I am only doing it once. Aww, but I have said that to him. LOL.
So now I guess I have to stop asking and talking about it. But that is hard to do. And another part of me was wondering if that was just to make me shut up. SO is 10+ years older than me. He was married once and she cheated. He waited almost 2 years for her to come home. Then he moved on and shortly after that we got together. He said that he is a little worried because for women from the ages of 20-25 you change a lot. So I am only 22 so am I going to change a lot these next 3 years? I’m sure I will but I am sure that it will be for the better…..

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2Y4T, Your age difference is

2Y4T,

Your age difference is not that bad.

My wife was 18 when we married and I was 30. Only a couple of years difference between our age difference and yours. We will celebrate our 16th anniversary next month.

To calm any potential outrage due to our age difference I will add this ...... We met in college during the last semester of my 11yr undergrad career and her first semester of college out of HS.

Four years earlier my XW had divorced me for her geriatric Fortune 500 sugar daddy and I had sold my business to go back to school full time.

Three months before we met my wife (then GF) had moved out of her home state to go to school. My Skids BioDad had left her 6mos earlier for a 16yo which is how old my wife was when SS was born. They were never married.

She had a 15mo kid when we met.

You may or may not be too young to move forward with your marriage to your BF. In our case I was 30 and my 18yo wife was far better prepared for marriage and adult life than I was. I am now 46, she is 34 and she is still better prepared for adult life than I am. :jawdrop:

Be ready for an incredible roller coaster adventure when you marry a person with children. You can make an incredible family together but it is a bunch of hard work.

As for delaying a proposal because you keep bugging him about it. I have no personal experience with this but I went to college with a couple that had this issue. He actually had the ring in his desk drawer for several years. When he was about ready to propose she would give him an ultimatum so he would leave the ring in the drawer and not propose. They repeated this cycle for nearly 8yrs.

They are both happily married to other people now and have beautiful kids. He was a butthead and never proposed and she was impatient and never quit bitching at him about it.

Relax. It will happen.

Good luck and best regards.

Thanks Rags for the wonderful

Thanks Rags for the wonderful insight. My next question is this... my sd11 and I have a great relationship now...do you think that could change much when we get married? She told her dad that all she wanted for xmas was for us to get married. LOL But a lot of people on here say that it changes once you are married. We have been living together for 2 1/2 years. Do you think his and my relationship will change?

All relationships change.

However, if you have been living together for 2.5 years without major Skid related issues I don't see why adding papers to the mix would cause a significant change in the quality of your relationships with your BF or your SD.

My wife and I have been married for nearly 16yrs. We have our ups and downs. Our relationship has changed significantly over the years. We work hard to stay connected, make our marriage the core of our family, support each other in all things (career, parenting, interfacing with our families, etc.....).

About the only thing we have yet to resolve completely is housework, issues with our son (my SS) and how to interface with BioDad and the SpermClan.

But, I am not sure if there is a resolution for these things other than hiring a maid, ceasing all interface with BioDad and the SpermClan, and giving our son (my SS-17) the time and support he needs to mature to viable adulthood.

Best regards.

Thanks Rags Congrats on

Thanks Rags Congrats on having a wonderful marriage and making it work.

Summerflower, Even though

Summerflower,
Even though this isn't exactly what I want to hear, thank you. I have put somethought into that before. Just this weekend a friend of mine who is in college came to visit me. She said she felt bad for me because we live completely different lifes. Her's is about the new cute guy she met on monday or the party she is going to and then they guy she will meet there. Mine is about making sure homework is done, teeth are brushed, attiuted is in check, and everything else parenting is about. But I dont feel bad for me. I love my life. Yes sometimes it is hard but it is still MY life. Thanks for the insight. I guess i need a little more time thinking then....

I am an adventurist marriage

I am an adventurist marriage guy I guess. I pop the question, get the answer, buy the ring and embark on the marriage and do it all while being married. School, travel, houses, cars, parenting, career, extended family etc......

IMHO you don't have to give up anything in life to be part of a great marriage. You can do it all with your spouse as your focus. I bellieve that it is a whole lot more fun to do it all together.

I am only batting .500 in my marriages and I have one unsuccessful engagement. The engagement was when I was 19-21yo (I was too young and not ready so I backed out), my first marriage was 23-26yo (She ran off with her geriatric Fortune 500 Executive Sugar Daddy), and this one is 30-still going.

We married a few months after I finished my undergrad degree. Since we married she has finished her undergrad and grad school, I have finished grad school, we have raised a kid to HS graduation (and are still working on getting him to viable adulthood), become aunt and uncle to 3 nephews and 3 neices (3 on my side, 3 on hers), made great frienships as a couple and as individuals, traveled extensively domestically and internationally, have great relationships with both sets of parents, thrived in our careers, lived in several states ..... and the adventure continues.

In fact she is flying in this evening for a long weekend of house shopping (among other things }:) ) with me in Houston then I am flying to DE next weekend to be there when the movers pack and take our house full of crap (if you are reading this my beautiful wife I mean house full of treasures) and then a 10 day roadtrip visiting friends and partying at a variety of places we have never been before.

I may be naive but I truly believe that you can have it all.

Don't lament your friend and her cute guy of the week, next party, etc ...... I see a new beautiful women (several usually) every day. I appreciate their beauty then I go home to the most beautiful woman in my world. Even my fantasy life has my wife as the object of my fantasies. I know, another man card shredding moment but it is the truth. My wife still points out a beautiful woman to me occassionally. I let her eyeball the studly young guys on her own. At 46 I don't have the energy to compete with the buff young guys. Neither of us is interested in straying but we both appreciate an attactive person.

We have always had a farely active party/social life. Even when we were the only couple in our group of friends with a kid we went to parties regularly. Now that we are the only couple in our now expanded group of friends with an older kid we still manage to get everyone one together to tie one on. Our friends bring their kids just like we used to take ours to parties when we were the only one with a kid. Our parties are nothing overly crazy but pretty rowdy sometimes.

Just my thoughts of course.

Best regards.

That sounds wonderful. I have

That sounds wonderful. I have it a lot like that too. I def like to go out more than SO does but the wonderful man he is will atleast play DD for me so I can party with my friends. He comes with me too. My mom and dad have been married for 25 years and they tell me the key to a HAPPY long marrige is to play together and go on trips. We do a lot of that. I just really have a feeling about us. I just want him to hurry and ask already. But I wonder if he ever will. Sometimes with men you have to make them do what you want or it will never get done. LOL

My parents just had their

My parents just had their 48th anniversary and are currently on an RV trip with all of the grandsons. My son and my little brothers two. My niece was not interested on a road trip with her two brothers and male cousin so she is in NJ with my SIL visiting SIL's sister and family.

Having parents with a strong happy marriage is a great thing if you are lucky enough to have won the parent lottery. It sounds as if you won. I know I did.

My parents were my greatest advocates while growing up and during my first marriage (and subesquent divorce). They are a huge part of my life still and my wifes for that matter. My wife and my mother are best friends wich leaves me in a somewhat precarious situation when we are all together. I get abused by both my mother and my wife.

Fortunately dad and I can take man days and go for a hike or to a car show when we are all together so I do get som Rags testosterone time.

Be patient with your BF. After all us men can be a little slow on the commitment side of things. It took me 4 full years after my divorce before I was ready to give it another try. It was actually my dad that gave me the advice that ultimately resulted in my second marriage. My wife and I had been dating for nearly a year and I had considered proposing. I then decided that I was done with marriage. My dad called and asked if I was going to propose yet. I told him no and that I was done with marriage.

He said the following "you are young enough to give it another shot. You have do decide. Do you want to give it another try to make a life with someone or do you want to go through your life with a series of partners".

Dad's advice resulted in the greatest gift in my life. My wife.

I will say this though. If for some reason I find myself single again I will go with the "series of partners" option.

Best regards.

Interesting situation, kind

Interesting situation, kind of like mine. My biological parents have been married 27 years, I'm 25 and BF is 10+ years older than me as well. He is pushing for us to combine finances and just recently I made it clear to him that I should be asked, not expected, to look after FSD10...when my schedule permits it. He has brought up marriage several times, and to test his resolve (or call his bluff) I said I'd give him a date when he gave me a ring. With his custody battle, I don't see that happening too soon. The ring is more a test, I guess-I didn't tell him how much it should cost or when I'm expecting it. With all of the things I do for him and with how much he's been leaning on me for money lately, I want to see if he's willing to carve out something to give to me before I commit to supporting him for the rest of his life.

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