Witholding Sex
[edit] I've removed some information from the post for privacy reasons [edit]
Mr. Kate and I had several big fights over him allowing his daughter (10 y/o) to sleep in our room...among the things Mr. Kate has said in these fights were... "you're making me choose between you and her (and if I have to, I'll choose her)", yada yada yada...
Well, Saturday night...FSD10 is in our room...I get on the computer and notice that Mr. Kate has been looking at porn for about the last half hour.
I'm not going to 'do the business' anywhere but the bedroom. He knows this.
It was the perfect storm I'd been waiting for.
Well, he booted her out (even though I offered to let her stay)...I haven't decided yet how I'm going to use this bit of hypocrisy.
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I hold out sex with my BF
I hold out sex with my BF when his kid is here. She is 10 and a half and has to sleep with a night light on and the bedroom door open. She is right across the hall from us so I do not feel comfortable at all. Sad, when I can't even feel comfortable in my own bedroom. So, boyfriend gets no action until she leaves. Hopefully, he figures it out soon, but I don't think he will. He is extremely dense when it comes to this. All I want is for her to sleep with her door shut. And it does not count when you wait until she falls asleep to shut the door. She needs to go in there by herself and shut the door and wind down for the night and fall asleep. But, yeah withholding sex is usually a sure way for the guys to get a clue about things.
i use to do this with my ex,
i use to do this with my ex, but i would be blunt and say "no sex cause exsd pissed me off and u did nothing about it." funny thing is, he still didnt take care of the problem. he never cheated, he just looked at porn and did himself good. whatever, i had lost my sex drive at 3months preggo 3 yrs ago. sex isnt something i am interested in anymore, and im only 28! funny how skids can suck the life-force right out of u. its been a long time since i have had to deal with exsd, but i am still not wanting sex. not like i have a bf right now anyways lol.
Why don't you buy a window
Why don't you buy a window air conditioner for the daughter's room? If it's hot enough for you to want one, it's not unreasonable that she'd be a lot more comfortable with one too.
This was one of my
This was one of my suggestions on the original post of this
Yeah, we're going to get
Yeah, we're going to get another one tomorrow. My issue isn't so much with her sleeping in the room anymore, its that BF tried to make me feel like crap for booting her out, but if he's horny, then its OK.
I think it said in the post
I think it said in the post above that they were buying another unit tommorow.
Haven't you guys only been
Haven't you guys only been together for a few months? If so, you really need to rethink this relationship. I would get out of there now. You're already withholding sex, thats not a good sign.
I'm glad you are using my
I'm glad you are using my suggestion
it never fails... However, this is only a temporary solution. Buying the A/C is a good solution but things need to be talked anyway. Ask him straight about hypocrisy
Yeah, her sleeping in the
Yeah, her sleeping in the room and the AC is an old issue that we resolved by deciding to get another air conditioner-we just had to come up with the money. I'm just afraid of future situations like this coming up, where he is free to make decisions, but any inconvenient stance that I have with his daughter will result in him pulling the 'You're making me choose, you heartless so-and-so!' card. It smells of manipulation, which I don't handle well.
withholding sex is a good way
withholding sex is a good way to kill a relationship. My ex use to do that to get what she wanted. That is why she is a ex now .
I guess I should have been
I guess I should have been more clear with the title-I limit sex moreso than withold it. If, say, his daughter is in our bedroom, I'm not just 'moving the show somewhere else' so he can have his needs met.
sex? what the hell is that?
sex? what the hell is that?
oh sorry there I go thinking out loud again!
Stepkate, I think you should
Stepkate, I think you should just tell him how you feel about the situation. If he can't afford an A/c, why can't he just get her a damn fan? I learned that it is okay to want your own space, and regardless of whether or not the fan goes to the sd's room, the point is, a lot of us don't like skids in our bed, period. Your room should be off limits, but your SO is not enforcing those boundaries, and allows sd to sleep in YOUR bed. I feel for you, hun, I know that situation must be tough. My ss9 slept in the same bad as us until THIS YEAR!! The only reason why that changed is because MIL told SO that it was wrong, so even though I had been telling SO this for years, for some reason, it takes his mother to knock him out of his guilty daddying.
I didn't even let my birth
I didn't even let my birth children sleep in my bed unless they were sick and needed almost constant attention, even then most of the time I felt they'd get the best rest in their own bed.