You are here

Sad

stepmom31's picture

Thinking about this made me very sad:

I was telling myself I have the cutest baby in the world.

I told DH I have the cutest baby in the world, and, well, I'm allowed to say it because, heck, it's the only baby I have.

Then I thought about how he can't share that same feeling with me about our child.

Because he has 2 others, and he probably thought it for HIS first child, but after that, well, no one can take that away from his first child, who now happens to look very much like her mother.

Sometimes I am so sad that DH will never share with me the newness and excitement and exhilaration of having the first kid. Of course, yes, ok, ok, fine, it IS still special to him in many ways. Fine. But it isn't the SAME specialness. That SAME specialness, the SAME feelings at the SAME time about the SAME child, he shared that with someone else, and I feel very much cheated, as is he's getting double and I'm getting none.

And I just dunno how to deal with the feelings without pushing him away, because stuff like this is when he says I'll never understand... and then he gets all sad and depressed too.

Comments

stepoff's picture

If it's any consolation...

When we had BS2, I couldn't believe how handsome he was, just adorable. I could just squeeze his cheeks for hours. He was the cutest child I had ever seen.

When we had BS3mos, I thought the same thing. I still think the same of both of them. I don't think it matters who was born first, second, third, etc. When they're your kids, they steal your heart.

But I have to disagree with you. MY baby is the cutest in the world!! na na na na na na! JK. Biggrin

CrystalRE's picture

I only have one child (and she is my world) so I cant say how it is for the children after the first. I cant imagine a person, man or woman, who wouldnt be brimming with love and adoration for a little person that they created so Im sure that he has the same feelings you do, no matter how many children he has!

This baby is half of each of you...enjoy that you are getting to share this with him and try not to let the sadness creep in. I was not givin the opprotunity to share a child with DH and never will be and I envy you for that. Smile

Rags's picture

Your child is his first child ...... with you.

I have been married before. I am my wife's first husband. I am 12yrs older than she is and lived a pretty amazing life before we met. International career and travel, etc ......

Every time I experience something for the first time with my wife that I have done before I get the joy of enjoying it with her and seeing it through her eyes and perspective.

I am confident that your experience with your first child is no less special to him and the experience is in fact a first for your DH. He is experiencing it for the first time with you. I would be surprised if the thoughts you are concerned about regarding his older children even enter his mind.

Yes, most men would go to great pains not to show favoritism or feel more love for children from a second family than those of the first but his love for you absolutely makes the child he has with you no less "first" than your feelings and experiences. They are just a different type of "first".

IMHO of course.

Best regards.

Gia's picture

I think about this too much, and feel sad too. I don't have a child with DH yet; I had one with an asshole and he had one with an idiot. I think that my pregnancy (whenever that happens) will be more exciting for both of us, as we are trying to have a 100% planned baby and he will actually love me, etc...

It bothers me greatly that he has already "been there" for someone else, he has been to baby appointments. He knows what to expect, he was there for a delivery, and it bothers me that I won't be able to give him his first child. But in many ways it will be a different, better experience as we will be more mature and more stable, let alone we will have a passionate love for each other.

He better tell me that we have the cutest baby in the world, i don't care about SD or even my son when they were babies; at the moment, OUR baby is all that matters because the others will not be "babies" anymore. And if he ever says something to me (doubtful) along the lines of "SD was cute too" or "cuter" OMG... we will be sooooo DONE....

Anyways, Yes I understand your pain but at the same time, I am more peaceful with the whole idea. YES SD was his first child, but she will also (unless we get divorced) won't be around as much as our child, and also he didn't love her mother; the pregnancy forced them to keep going with a stupid relationship that shouldn't have happened in the first place.

jswan's picture

All I have to say is....at least you and he share a child. Smile

I very much want a child with my guy....but he doesn't want another. He says he can't bare to go through what he went through with the children when he and his ex separated. He said it almost destroyed him. Sad
So I guess such is life... Sad

Be happy with what you have now...and don't think about stuff like that because honestly, it doesn't really matter in the present. You two have something very special that's a little bit of you and a little bit of him and nothing is going to change that. Smile

starfish's picture

well, he now hates the other contributing half to his very first child and loves you, the contributing half to this baby! just focus on your little angel and love it to pieces, i'm assuming you're hormones are all messed up....never been prego, so i can't say for sure...

congrats on your angel!

I am confused's picture

I've got none and it's looking more and more like I'll never have any biokids. There's never a reason to be sad about any of them. Trust me... it could be worse...

Sad