Hey stormabruin love your quote at the end!! So true.

Yaaay! Ms.Freeze! glad to see you came back!! I for one, am glad to see you back. And I miss the old members too.

good to see you stopped back buy
HennyPen/formerly Jajita

Ms. Freeze,

I really wish this site provided enough revenue to allow me to quite my day job and provide this site my undivided attention it so desperately needs. Unfortunately it doesn't. Not even close. Not that it's of anyone's business except Dawn and mine, but I feel compelled to explain since it seems to be a supporting theme of some members complaints, this site barely generates enough revenue from advertisements to pay for the hosting costs. We're talking two or three digits a month here people. We have yet to realize any real profit from this site. That really has never been the primary purpose of this site (although it would be really nice if we could actually make a little money for all the personal time we put into this site).

So, until it does generate enough revenue, there are only so many hours in the day, of which I maybe get one or two, to address anything related to this site. That's just a fact that I can't change anytime soon.

It's unfortunate that some users have chosen to leave, or at least not participate in this site because they feel that they've been treated unfairly. I don't completely disagree that they may have been treated unfairly. We're still addressing membership behavior.

No request for privacy or regulation has gone ignored. We've taken note of every one of them. They've either been prioritized or an explanation as to why we can't implement them (or why they don't make sense) has been give. No, I haven't responded to everyone's suggestions but that wasn't intentional. In most cases we've already thought of the same ideas, etc.

Those sites that do "background" checks are full of it. It's impossible to prove that someone is a stepparent. Period. LOL, you're a fool if you think otherwise. I could claim to be a 20 year old woman from England and get an account on any one of those sites. Those "checks" they put in place just force people to go through some motions that may prevent people from attempting to get a membership just to post something inflammatory. It may work in some cases, but it's a waste of time and they're just fooling their members with a false sense of security. Sorry, I won't do that here.

The changes we have just implemented are only the first critical step towards better privacy options and self-regulation. We never claimed that we were implementing all of our plans. As a matter of fact, I don't believe I even spelled out what changes I was going to implement. I especially didn't promise that these recent changes would implement privacy. Our first goal is to give members more control over their own content.

I'm curious as to who you believe are the abusive members that you think we favor. Please PM me a list of those users and maybe links to instances that support your claims. Dawn and I will look at them. But be aware that we will look back through the entire chain of events. I say this because in most of the cases that have been brought to our attention, if you look back through the chain of events, it was actually the other member that was causing the problems and the members that were being blamed for being abusive were merely defending themselves. Yeah, we tend to be more lenient on the members that are forced to defend themselves and less lenient on those who attack members and force them to defend themselves. But we're not perfect, we do miss things. Can't help that.

So, with all that said (sorry, I'm really tired and my mind is wandering a bit), we're doing our best, with the resources we have, to make this a better site. We have a whole list of ideas that we plan to implement in the coming months. It's going to take that long because I can't just flick a switch and make it happen. It doesn't work that way. I have to research options, test them thoroughly, and then implement them. Some of them introduce performance issues that have to be resolved, some by adding more resources (which costs us money). That takes a lot of my time (and money), of which I just don't have that much of. And BTW, adding more money to the pot, unless it can pay a salary, won't speed up the improvements. It's all about time, mostly mine.

Bottom line, other sites have been around a lot longer than we have, or they are sitting on platforms that provide the services they need out-of-the-box. We don't have that luxury at the moment, and have no realistic way to change that. We are working with what we have and making the best of it. From what I see, and what I've been told over and over again, this site is providing a lot of good things to it's members. All at no cost to it's members. Why can't everyone just appreciate that and be patient as we make things better??

I don't mind getting suggestions from members, etc, but when they come in the form of bashes, it's just not going to go very far with me. If we don't provide what you feel you need, then don't use the site. Come back when we do provide what you need. Bashing us will only get you removed from the site because responding (or otherwise dealing with you) is a waste of our time.

So please be patient and give us a break.

-Admin

couldn't agree more.

Giving the option of deleting responses on our own blogs gives people the opportunity to continue seeing themselves through rose colored glasses without those "pesky opposing opinions" getting in the way of the OP's "I'm right and everyone else is wrong" rant.

I don't think people should be attacked on their blogs but I also don't think it's helpful to be able to delete comments just because you don't agree with the person's point of view.

But if u violate TOS at other sites....non-stepparent sites, I might add, aren't u subject to removal?....an argument is one thing, but personal attacks and name calling might be another....I think that's all some of us are asking for....

ST is the crackpipe upon which we all toke.

I've wondered about that myself....... kinda makes you scratch your head huh????

I'm glad you are here and didn't leave!

Just so everybody knows, I will do reprimanding in private and not in public. So nobody really knows who has been reprimanded and who has not.

And also, I appreciate all of the repeated nice suggestions for this site. I hear loud and clear. More changes will be happening.

It's kind of like this. Everybody can suggest nicely that I drop everything and fly to France for the Cannes Film Festival. Hey, that sounds great. I want to do that. But wait.....I don't have the time or the money to do that so I'll have to take the time to save up and do it right.

Dawn

Ahh Katrinkie... you put my thoughts into words....

Glad you're here Chavez, & glad to have you posting now! I look forward to any insight you have to offer!

Amen Jezebel . . . it shouldn't always turn to this.

LOL! Really? Maybe some company will be willing to by it!

I love using those sites that report the worth of a web site. Unfortunately they're all guessing and usually wrong. Read the fine print. They guess at the value of a site based on publicly available or derived data.

BTW, which site did you use. The last one I used, just for a laugh, said it worth over 2 million!

I can't help but point out you bashed the other site in a passive aggressive fashion but you are getting upset for the alleged passive aggressive bashing of this site.Freeze isn't passive aggressive at all.she is stating her opinion in an extremely clear manner that even admin has acknowledged and asked (rightly so) for patience and understanding.It seems you are the only one here being passive aggressive by calling out other sites.it appears you have a passive aggressive ax with another site's name on it and you are just grinding away at it.

Is that true Crayon? I was wondering what was going on with them...

you are so right. I shouldn't have gotten involved in this in the first place. Sorry Misfit for participating and allowing myself to become involved in the baiting and such, thereby contributing to the overtaking of your blog!Sorry.

why is anybody still upset over privacy? ITS A PUBLIC FORUM. If you want privacy, go to a counselor.If you're worried about BM finding out, don't give out so much info.

As far as people disagreeing....

There will be people in and out of this forum who will either love you or hate you. Get over it. If you don't like what somebody has to say, you don't have to comment, and if you do choose to comment, be prepared for disagreements and or cat fights...

right on!!!!!!

P-Apples... you hit the nail on the head!!!!!!!!!

I liked this for a lot of reasons, but I am sincerely hoping it doesn't inflame. What I really would like to see is those that left, return ... and return as they came in at the beginning. Not just to check in with their regulars, but to remember what's it like to be new. To hope that someone reads your post and responds. To hope that someone will make you laugh or at least make you feel not alone.

I remember very clearly what it was like to be new here and to feel alone. I have made some online friends, but I have also been part of seeing this as my "identity" and the fall-out that comes from that.

I also personally very strongly agree with that, while privacy might be nice, it would completely take away what helped me so much with this site at the beginning. I came here as a result of a google search and was able to read without worrying "is this worth it" to pay for, when we were unsure in finances. So many of us have financial issues that even a small payment is more than they can do. Dawn and Admin really are providing a charitable service here, and I continue to look at it as such.

If this site was more private, I don't think I would have made it for the year. I am sure I would have found another public site. I can understand how some people really feel they need security, but I am glad this site is EXACTLY as it is.

Anyway, I hope that more newbies come in. I hope that those that left return - and I'll leave it at that. And I hope that everyone here at least realizes that whether we like it or not... we are sisters bound by a situation that we don't always find under our control.

Believe me it was more then just one member. I can confirm to that.

Ignore, you dont have to read blogs if you dont like the person. their are alot of post on here that need advice,

So, I shall take my own advice and say adios and move on

toodles

Dawn, you know how I feel about it all. With that said, I think you should make this last comment of yours a blog and "stick it" to the front page! maybe then people will stop with the crap and get back to what the site is intended to be!

I said it a million times to deaf ears. I have told my kids the same thing when they complain I'm not punishing one sibling for taunting another.

Ignore them and they will grow weary and bored and find something else to do. I've seen it work on the borderline family support group. Stop feeding the beast and it will quit growing. Unfortunately, when people respond to being baited, it reinforces the person baiting.

Ironically, the person everyone keeps going back to hasn't really affected me or my posts at all. Actually she only ever offered support. There was one post that she stated the article I posted wasn't worth anything to her and I responded that it was worthwhile to me.

She dropped it b/c I made my point without getting offended or taking her remark personally.

That's hard to do when you are upset I know. But if everyone stopped taking baiting personally-regardless if it's intentional or not- it would die out rather quickly. Which for me is the goal- perhaps that's from having my life as I knew it pretty much destroyed by a child who's mastered the art of the bait.

Sigh...

Hopefully the changes that you and Admin keep instituting will bring an end to it, but unfortunately they will also be changes that would have cost me half my friends on the site if I'd never been able to read what they wrote due to privacy issues.

OK, let me clear up a few things but I'm not going to get into any drama.

I wasn't involved in the petty attacks that were going on prior to the site being shut down except for a couple of times when I asked a few people why they were picking on one new member who was obviously in serious pain and having a hard time dealing with her situation. There were a group of 4 or 5 members - who described THEMSELVES as 'old-timers' (I didn't coin the phrase) who followed her around and taunted her, complaining about her behaviour the entire time when theirs was WORSE!

At least one of them is STILL doing it, albeit more subtlety.

My comments above were about that group of 'seasoned' members and only them. I certainly didn't mean everyone who had been here for a while. I was only referring to the ones who fit the description that I gave, a subset of the current membership. Sorry if I didn't make that clear.

As for 'petty ignorance' or 'jealousy'...huh? I saw what was happening over several days/weeks so I am not at all ignorant of the situation and what on earth would I have been jealous of? I'm not in any competition here. I saw a gang of bully girls picking on someone who yes, came across aggressively but obviously did so out of pain. I will step in anytime I see someone being bullied, in real life or on the internet. These bullies were trying to throw their weight around based on the fact that they were 'old timers'. That is where I got the 'old timers' label to hang on them.

I never insinuated that people shouldn't be allowed to be here if they were 'seasoned'. My point, which most people got based on the number of PMs I've gotten telling me that they agree with me, was that IF someone has gotten to the point that their lives and sense of self are so enmeshed with this site that they feel they can bully and dictate who can or cannot post then it is time for them to move on or have a serious think about their attitudes.

Also, Dawn is obviously more intelligent, secure and independent than you give her credit for. I seriously doubt that she really, really, wishes she could make the site private and exclusive, get rid of members that the few don't like, etc but the only thing that is stopping her is us 'newbies'. I don't know her well but my impression so far is that she's very well copped on to what's happening.

Lastly, I never said I don't like the site. I'm not the one trying to change it. I'm not the one complaining about how it's run. I'm VERY happy with the site. I was SO impressed when the crap was going on and Dawn and Admin made it clear that they weren't just going to go after the one new person who was being ganged up on to please what had become a mob mentality. They said very clearly that they noticed that the complainers were guilty of doing the very thing they were complaining about. It was at that point that I really began to respect Dawn and Admin.

Hey, how would you like to be me? Woo hoo, it's fun!

Dawn