Mermaid - I am not sure I read your last blog. If it caused a lot of drama, I probably ignored it. Let me say this to you and to others who are offended or are trying to "fix" this vent site. Stick around and get to know people. Yes, there are cliques and yes people get snarky once in awhile, but I've found that as I get to know the people and their stories, I come to learn where they're coming from and understand their POV. Sometimes what seems like a personal attack is more a perspective coming from a very passionate place. I think people join here assuming we all have the same attitude because we're all steps, but we all have different stories, different paths, and different circumstances making our perspectives VERY different. Most people can get past initial head butting once they get to know intent. The written word is often misconstrued without background and context.

All that being said, I wouldn't advise you to cut SD off from her mother. I think children need to know their parents. It is part of their identity and regardless of how warped or upsetting those parents are, it is better for children to know them to guess about them. I imagine the issue with SD is that she all ready experiences the guessing too much. She has an idea of how her time with mom should go and she is left disappointed. I would try to discuss it with her "SD, I notice that you often return from BMs agitated / upset, is there something you'd like to talk about" or "I know it is difficult to only see your mom once a month. You must miss her." Anything to validate her feelings will likely open the doors of communication, at which point you can address the underlying issue.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

There IS a difference between having a different opinion and being an asshole, find it.

FORGIVEN...

Now... I think you are an awesome person for even considering the long term effects that taking BM completely out of SD's life would have on her. And yes, I think she could possibly resent you. The nice thing is, is that she is getting older and will hopefully soon be at an age where she will begin to figure all of this out. I know it causes her heartache right now when drama arises, but just think of what a strong character she will have as a result. As long as BM is not putting her in any imminent danger, I would allow the visits until SD decides she has had enough. Who knows, she may surprise you sooner rather than later.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

Have you ever just asked your SD if she wants to see her BM or not? My son is 10 has, a so-so relationship with his BD. I let him decide if he wants to see him or not on the weekends of his visitation. I had to put my foot down to my Ex and tell him that our DS didn't always want to go with him and the reasons why. It upset him, but he adjusted and now respects what OUR SON WANTS to do, not just what my EX WANTS. I realize not all situations have a simple solution. but I would find a way to really talk to your SD and see what she really wants in the situation. at 12, she should be able to have some say in it.

I have always loved the time before dawn because there is no one around to remind me who I am suppose to be, so it is easier to remember who I am." - unknown

I didn't read your last blog and I haven't read any posts above. Just going off of my experience. DH has full custody of SS10. For a while, BM was inconsistent, didn't call, didn't show up, ect. SS was really hurt by all of it, but since he didn't see BM he put her on the perfect parent pedestal. Because he couldn't see what she was doing, he fantasized about her being the perfect parent which really bit DH and I in the butt. DH stopped letting BM have any visits with SS because she always let him down and that seemed to make it even worse. So DH ended up letting BM have visits, ect because things got so bad with SS. BM has even starting taking SS on a regular basis and now that SS is seeing BM for what she is, his relationship with us has gotten better because he is starting to realize what is going on and who is taking care of him. It sucks that they have to go through this so young but it is what it is. If BM is hurting your SD physically, I would by no means let her see BM but she may need to see what her BM is really like. It all kind of depends on your SD too. What does she want? If she wants to go, let her. If not, then don't worry about it.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

duplicate post.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

Forgiven.... I do think that if you cut off her mom completely that in the end she will resent you.. With that being said you also have to protect her.. I would let BM see her if that is what your SD wants but only under supervision... Until BM kicks her BF to the curb, to me she should be thinking of her child's best interests too.. If she isn't able to see how dangerous the situation can be around her BF then, I would not allow the child in a place that she could be scarred for life... Take it from me... really scarred for life...

Forgiven. Sorry, about that, it really irked me.

And about your SD, she will come to realized in time.

****"She had his past. I have his future." The Lovely Belleboudeuse****