Being used
I feel like I'm tired of being a stepmom. I love my sd, I really do. Sometimes I wish that she was just mine. People don't know how lucky they are to just have their own kids (does that make sense)? I feel guilty because I just want to be a newlywed, go on long weekends with my husband, go to one of those sandals places, you now...new married people stuff. We have sd about 50% of the time, but I feel like she only wants to come to our house because we have a computer, she has a cool room, cool clothes, there's always kids for her to play with, ect. I hate to be used and I don't know how to change that. I don't know if I just need to let go and not worry about it. Sometimes I feel like if I had my own child I won't worry so much about sd and her mother.
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Thank you, you have calmed
Thank you, you have calmed my feelings. You're right, kids are kids. We usually have her (she is 10) from Thursday to Sunday. Her mom can't aford to take her anywhere so I guess we feel bad about going anywhere and not taking her.
Oh Esb... I wish I could
Oh Esb... I wish I could just hug you right now. Your exhaustion is showing through your words.
What I would suggest that might help you is to try to please change your view for a moment. You know... you get a room with 2 views... one is ocean facing and the other is facing the next building over. Stop looking through the window with the ugly view!!
There is another one that's much nicer! 
For example... I too very very much understand the impatience and exhaustion that comes with having 50% of your weekends used up. But you know what? You still have the other 50% to make plans alone with your DH! If you had your own child, or if you had full custody of SD, you wouldn't have that other 50% of special time for just the two of you. Believe me, this is coming from someone that went from 50/50 to full custody of SD.
I also don't think your SD is "using" you. She may be wanting to come to your home because of the cool room and computer... but it also could be the environment. Did you think about that? Our place was also always viewed as the "cooler" place, even though BM has the beautiful house DH built while they were married. SD loved the house, but not the "home" there. With her dad was where her home was and now it is where he AND I are!
If you had your own child, there would be other issues cropping up.
Take a break. Don't be so hard on yourself. And the best thing I think you can do is try to plan a special getaway fro just you and DH to connect on the weekend you don't have the SD. I think if you can make that time a little more special, the other 50% may not bother you so much!
Hugs girl...
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
Thank "Stick", I appreciate
Thank "Stick", I appreciate your kind words. I am exhausted, mentally anyway. Your advice makes me feel not so alone. Thanks again!
How old is your SD? Speaking
How old is your SD?
Speaking from someone who has their own kids, it does have it's disadvantages.
- Fighting between the kids/skids
- Jealousy
- Spouse treating their kid better than yours
The list goes on and on - but those are just a few.
As for feeling like SD is using you, would you feel the same way if you had a child who loved the fact that he/she had a computer, a cool room, cool clothes, and alot of kids to play with in the neighborhood? All kids LOVE these things, and it's such a nice feeling to be able to provide it for them.
They aren't going to look back and say "Yeah I used my SM/Dad for all I could", but instead "You know, my SM/Dad provided such a great home for me to make sure I was happy, even if I wasn't always on my best behavior, they must really love me"
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esb you and I are in the
esb you and I are in the same boat. we have the cooler house, computer etc. I don't know what to say about you feeling used. I would be happy that she feels comfortable and safe in your home and wants to be there. I don't have any bio children but it seems that all children are (for lack of a better word) ungrateful or unappreciative at this age. but when she is older she'll realize how much you provided and maybe thank you for it one day. so maybe you are upset that she is unappreciative? DH used to feel guilty not taking the kids everywhere with us until I put my foot down and said it was OK for us to go away together and that it was something I really wanted.