Hi all! I'm new to this website and came across it trying to find people online who can relate to me since I don't have any friends who can. I'm a 30 year old step mom of 2 preteen girls ages 9 &11. I've been with their dad for 6 years and married for 1. We have no kids of our own and have discussed it but want to be more financially stable before that happens... From the day I've met them I instantly knew I wanted to be apart of this family.  They are good kids-of course we have had our fights and with one of them

There's an on and off attitude issue but for the most part I feel I'm in a pretty good situation. There mom's 15 years older than me and remarried. She's over the drama and since my husband and her got pregnant within 2 weeks of dating then did it again- they never really fell in love- so luckily there's no raging jealousy. She actually married the man she left my husband for 7 years ago, but for me a complete blessing. Anyway there was some drama about 4 years ago because my hubby couldn't work (terrible car

Crash, broke both legs) and eventually the nice ex wanted money and took him to court...eventually it all cooled down so as of the last few years we are ok. My husand doesn't talk to her alot. She does her own thing raising them with school religion doctors ect despite the multiple times he has requested to be involved( in court order they share all those decisions )...so right now they come over every other extended weekend (sat- mon)/holidays/2 weeks in the summer. Its not alot. Anyway what I'm getting to is lately maybe in the past two years I've noticed my husband be more distant when the kids are over. He loves them dearly I know he does but it almost seems like he doesn't know how to connect w them. They follow me all around and have talked to me about so many personal things. I know I know much more about them then he does. I'll even mention stuff to their mom she gets confused about. He is always trying to find excuses to not be around-cleaning cooking or always needing to go to the store. I've tried to talk to him several times about this thinking maybe I'm taking over his visitation or maybe he feels he doesn't know how to talk to them. It kind of makes me sad because I'm constantly asking him to be around us when they are over. I even always make plans and play dates to find stuff to do! He would sit around all day. I love him dearly but keep worrying about this. Sometimes I think his ex robbed him from that parenting time he needed to bond with them. She calls every day they are over and rarely do they talk to their dad when they are at their moms. I know mom's usually are the caretakers but I hear them talk about their step dad all the time and today I heard one say " I want to sit in between my two favorite parents" but apart of me thinks she slipped because she is way closer to them. Any suggestions what I could do? I even think he's given up on trying to get involved in their schooling, doctors ect because he doesn't ask their mom anymore about appointments ect. Is it possible for a non custodial parent to just step back because they don't feel a connection with their children? The older one is so so up her mom's butt with everything it's actually annoying -such as sitting in the passenger seat when it's illegal "I don't care mom says it's ok!" Me:"I'm not mom"

It's almost like she's oblivious to obvious things but as long as mom says it's fine she doesn't think otherwise. I get it it's her mom, I guess I don't ever remember being like that.  Don't worry I never bash her mom in front of them and would never. Their mom actually really likes me-or pretends to I don't really care I just want peace. Has any other steomom's related to this? I use to always try to make plans so they would have their alone time and when I mentioned that to my husband today he's like "no no I want u to be here when they are, I love us all together!"...confused.