Family Court
It's amazing how awful an ex can become when the new spouse has a baby.I know part of it is the mother's instinct to protect her child but in this case she ruined everything.
Everything was going well until a year ago when my daughter was born, then the letter from the courts came in the mail. Apparently my husband who pays through the nose for my stepson wasn't paying enough. He had been asking BM for years if she was getting enough for the monthly payments and she always said yes and in addition to the payments she received my husband paid for all benefits, clothing, daycare, and extra curricular activities. So off to court we go for a fight we know we're not going to win.
You see....my husband worked an obscene amount of overtime and an extra job before my daughter came along so we could provide for both kids and not worry when I went on maternity leave.
We go to court where BM looks like a shining star and hubby looks like a deadbeat and she gets a huge increase in support based on hubby's last tax return. In addition to that I asked how we were supposed to care for our other child and I was told by the court that our kid doesn't count, only the first born in each family.
We used to have SS every weekend and that got taken away in court as well. Now it's only every two weeks....there goes hockey, baseball and any weekend activity as he lives 110 kms away. God forbid BM has to get in her car and take him anywhere.
BM now has a newly renovated house thanks to my husband!!
One of these days I tell you...I'm going to get a higher paying job so hubby can be a no income stay at home dad!
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Comments
You could always "divorce"
You could always "divorce" him legally so then he has to "pay" you child support.
I mean a fake divorce of course. SHe wouldn't have to knw.. but her child support payments would go DOWN!!!
We're actually just common
We're actually just common law. I didn't want to get married for fear of her coming after me for money. However I will look into that for sure!
Welcome to the Canadian
Welcome to the Canadian family court system. Those fucking asshole judges have their heads sooo far up their asses that its amazing that they can sign the fucking dumb orders they put out.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Its not in anyway fair, and I'm pretty sure the court system will never change. Your hubby will be applying for a reassesment of CS after the next tax period right?
Be careful! My DH has been
Be careful! My DH has been a SAHD for 4 years now (we continued to pay CS based on DH's previous court order). BM took us to court last year to increase CS and they subpoena'd our tax returns. I make considerably more than DH when he worked and I have 2 children of my own. But guess what? Our CS obligation was DOUBLED! I actually had to withdraw my 4-year-old from preschool in order to pay the increased CS.
Sending you ((hugs)) as I know how difficult this can be.
where do you live? that is
where do you live? that is terrible!
I'm in Illinois.
I'm in Illinois.
Wait, I thought spousal
Wait, I thought spousal income wasn't factored into CS. How can they take your money for child that isn't yours?
Yes however he's had to work
Yes however he's had to work overtime to cover the extra money he's had to fork out. It's a no win situation for him.
And yes, you're right....the Canadian system is screwed. My SS has more than you can imagine....has the best of everything...designer clothes, top of the line gadgets, cell phone, gets whatever he wants when he wants, yet does BM care if he knows how to read? UMMMM no.
Meanwhile...I'm at the goodwill shopping for my daughter, since I pay all daycare costs.
We're in Ontario Canada. I
We're in Ontario Canada. I hope no one thinks I don't think support should be paid, that's not the case. He's in grade 6 and yet BM will only work part time. She should have to go out and find a full time job! She's also married. Thank god hubby didn't marry her or live with her...no alimony!
I'm in Ontario as well. It
I'm in Ontario as well.
It doesn't matter if BM works or not. Child support in Canada has absolutely nothing to do with the custodial parents income. It's solely based on the non-custodial parents income. So whether she worked more or not, your DH would have to pay the same.
That is, unless you have SS more than 40% of the time, then the child support is off set based on both their incomes.
***Life - It's not a rehearsal***
This is why I tell people on
This is why I tell people on this site not to go to court. If you haven't been, you don't know how bad things can get. That was a really shitty thing for her to do, knowing that he worked over time so that he could pay for the new baby. I'm going to tell Dh when he gets home to stop working over time. He has been doing the same thing lately. Fuck...
At what point does the MOTHER become responisble? If she gets a new boyfriend/husband does the CS go down? NO. And what happens when you pay more? You see your kid less! FUCKING DUMB!!! We need to find someone smart on this site who can help us to lobby the right people to have this changed. It is not fair. These women get every possible helping hand while our guys who just want a family get financially raped.
Seriously, does anyone know who you would have to lobby to change this shit in Canada? Who heads the Canadian Court System?
I know you Americans all have different rules across every state, so lobbying probably wouldn't work for you but this is a BLANKET policy in Canada. The only differences come on the SOL in the different provinces, and so the CS amount changes slightly. But that is relative as I said to SOL.
I'm in Canada as well. The
I'm in Canada as well.
The Canadian child support calculations are based solely on what you make per year. My FH and BM exchange income tax assessments every June 1st and child support is paid on what my FH made according to the assessment.
For example; he currently pays her based on a $72,000 income. However, if his income goes down this year, say by $10,000, then next assessment he would pay child support based on $62,000. There are no if and or buts about it.
It`s too bad she choose right now to re-assess him. Why weren't they doing yearly assessments?Isn`t that something that is automatically dealt with in the divorce?
Also, it sucks that he was paying 100% of the special expenses. But now that he's paying full support, he is only responsible for paying his proportional share of special expenses.
***Life - It's not a rehearsal***
Maybe thats the difference
Maybe thats the difference that should be looked at. It seems that when a couple is divorced things are different. A bit more organized. But I have heard the poster's story soooo many times for unwed couples. And if they can not prove a susbtantial reason, the CS does not get reassed. I don't know what the "cap" is for substantial but I know a friend who is expected to pay $600 a month for one of his children even though he has been out of work for two years (they pulled his liscence after he got 6months behind when he was laid of from his job)
I just don't know how it allows for personal growth and change? Just because someone makes a mistake once, does it mean that they should not be given the oppertunity to learn from that mistake and carry on with their lives?
That may be in older cases,
That may be in older cases, but Family Law is slowly starting to get a little more 'regimented'. It also may be due to lack of knowledge on the seperating couple. Regardless, common laws are held to the same laws as married couples when it concerns children.
I'm a little surprised as I thought you were from BC? BC is famously one of the best provinces for a man to be divorced in, and they are far more expectant of the women to get back on their feet, therefore spousal support is much less and more time limited than other provinces. That's based on all provinces, so may not seem that way to the individual, but is true nonetheless...
***Life - It's not a rehearsal***
My friend is from AB. (BC is
My friend is from AB. (BC is not as bad as AB, but it still blows me away!) But my Dh has never had to pay spousal support because him and BM were only together for a year. (I believe it has to be two years before the Spousal Support kicks in)
The only recourse you may
The only recourse you may have...and it's a loooong shot...and it depends on what province you're in, is 'unjust enrichment'.
However, I would have to know more details about your case.
Was DH paying child support according to table amounts since he and BM split up? I'm not asking about the extras he paid, the court would look at that 'as a gift', but actual child support. If he wasn't paying based on table amounts, that may be why the judge threw the book at him.
I may be able to help, but would need more details.
You can PM me if you like. I was able to get my FH an extremely generous outcome.
***Life - It's not a rehearsal***
BM never wanted anything to
BM never wanted anything to go through the court system and for 11 years everything was fine. I entered the picture at year 7. It just took us by surprise last year to get the papers to go to court after my daughter was born. Prior to the court proceedings, we had SS 50% of the time....every weekend, holiday and most of the summer, March break and Christmas vacations. BM was well paid and SS had an active life with things he loves doing...hockey and baseball. Hubby had never denied her anything..it still stings. It really makes me dislike SS...I have so much animosity towards him because of BM....I feel awful about it but when I seem him I see someone who is taking away from my daughter.
I will message you later...I
I will message you later...I am at work, lol slacking I tell you slacking!
I hear you....it's 6pm my
I hear you....it's 6pm my time.
Please do. I might be able to help!
For everyone's sake try to redirect your anger. I know it's human nature...but your SS isn't to blame.
I like to picture BM's face when chopping veggies. It's fun!
***Life - It's not a rehearsal***
That`s a shame.
That`s a shame. Unfortunately many couples get themselves into the same position. Non custodial parents (mainly men) have to start protecting themselves from the beginning...even if things seem amicable.
Too bad this happend last year, because you had the benefit of status quo going for you and you should have been awarded 50/50 shared custody. You can try in the courts to get that, but now there is a new status quo.
I feel sorry for you, I really do, but your last statement kinda pissed me off. Your SS has nothing to do with this. His Mom is the problem. He isn't taking anything away from your daughter. His Mom is. Blame her.
***Life - It's not a rehearsal***
Hey...I feel awful about it.
Hey...I feel awful about it. I don't treat him any differently, I just simply go downstairs when he talks about how awesome his mother is and do a silent scream by myself, compose myself again, and go upstairs with a happy smile.
I understand how you feel,
I understand how you feel, I'm terrified BM is going to pull something like this on us, and sometimes its SOOO hard not to only see their moms when you look at them.
I take a deep breath and go hide for a bit when I find myself feeling like this. It is in no way the childs fault and I do everything I can to prevent myself for projecting my dislike of BM onto my SD. Its get sooo hard though (especailly when BM dyes SDs hair bright pink and I have to be reminded everytime I look at her that BM is a MORON)