My schedule/life with FH is complicated. I work 3 hours away and so am gone from either late Sun PM/early Mon AM through Thurs morning.
FH always has SS on M/T, along with alternating weekends. This, I figured, would give them continued QT (our engagement is new), while easing into blended family life.
It seems to have done the opposite! With therapy, FH is only starting to "get" how the familiar patterns and ways of relating with SS place SS in the "partner" role with him, how I am often isolated and alone, when in the context of all of us being together, etc. This is good, I think! Progress and change are slow-- but now when I point out to him how what he is doing is making me isolated and not cared for he at least feels tremendously guilty!
But I think b/c of me feeling so isolated and also being apart for part of the week, I feel like I have been clingy and also freaking out when I don't hear from him, etc. FH's response to this, then, is to place boundaries on our calls on the days apart. For example, he told me that today he would call me ONLY after SS was in bed. This was last night. This morning I panicked and left him a message at his office crying and so he called me back. I then worked all day and just taught a class and am sitting here in my office (it's 8pm almost where I am). I haven't heard from him or gotten a message or anything saying he is thinking of me. I am panicking and swallowing the urge to pick up the phone and call and cry or yell at him. SS doesn't go to bed for over an hour...so I have to wait to have someone check in on me and touch base about my day. So that they can have their time together, uninterrupted.
As I type this I know it is unhealthy. I feel so terrible. Have any of you ever had boundaries like this placed on them? I don't have successful experience communicating about my needs-- b/c I wait until the point of anxiety and panic where I am now to communicate them. But there can't be boundaries, I cannot be afraid to call him, I NEED him to check in on me and leave me a message. Even when he is with his son.
I feel awful. And just so alone.