Why do my kids have to suffer over this??

This is driving me out of my mind. First of all, BM has had SS in a certain activity for almost a year that conveniently interrupts and cancels out our visitation quite frequently. Now hes going on a "camping trip" (yes, in the middle of winter???) and will miss an entire weekend with us, particularly a weekend that I have had scheduled us to have a family picture taken for a month!!! Of course we cant ask him not to go, because he wants to go, that is if there is even a camping trip. He is constantly missing days and weekends with us because of activities with this organization.
Second, we are planning to go to an indoor waterpark with the kids which is now getting put off because of this whole thing.. My husband and I have 2 kids of our own. Why is it that my kids are losing out on fun experiences in their lives because it is not convenient for SS and his 11 year old schedule? My husband is so mad, but wont do anything about it. I suggested that he sit down with a lawyer, since we pay child support regularly but do not get our regular visitation. He says it will be a waste of money!! Because since ss is fed and clothed, she is doing all she legally has to, and we wont get anywhere since she is the BM.
He came over yesterday and said he needed long johns for this camping trip. I was getting ready to go out in the snow to pick some up from the store and my husband stopped me and told SS to tell his BM to buy them. THANK YOU!! We pay all this CS, get no visits, and he comes over here asking us to buy him things for an activity that we didnt even put him in. I guess that was a step in the right direction, but Im tired of feeling like my kids dont get to do anything fun unless SS is involved, which leaves my kids doing nothing fun at all. It's making me a little resentful toward SS, which is completely out of my character. Im so irritated right now.

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OK, the family photo I can

OK, the family photo I can understand postponing, but the trip to the waterpark should still be on. If SS moans about missing out, then just point out that he did an activity without his siblings, and so you felt they should have something fun that weekend too. If you always delay doing fun stuff until SS is there then I think it's sending a bad message to your two that SS is more important than them. When one kid doesn't live with you, but the other two do, you can't try and 'treat them the same' all the time.

That is a good point, thank

That is a good point, thank you. Maybe if we stop postponing things so that he is included, he will make more of an effort to make room in his schedule to spend time with us, instead of thinking that we will just wait for him to be available.

I agree with storm , if you

I agree with storm , if you really want him in the Family photos , reschedule is easy , but if he doesn't make it to the next one , take the Photos with out him and let him feel bad about it if he even cares , But as for the water park , Storm is right - GO WITHOUT HIM ! why should everyone else be put on hold for ONE person ? He has the option to join or NOT to join .. If its because he has Other plans after you already made plans , specially if you had the plans already set up first then its his lost Not everyone else's . . .
But on the other Note to all this , If BM is purposely making plans for her kid on the weekends he would come over ,to be a Bitch per say , then its up to DH to say something about it , If its an ongoing problem and he's not wanting or able to address it civilly or thru the courts , don't waste energy trying to argue or fight about it because you still have other kids to be considerate for ..

We share 50/50 custody of

We share 50/50 custody of our skids with the Wookie. For a long time, she would always schedule something to take place during our time. Well, one day, she pushed too far, and Truelight (DH) put his foot down and said "no more." She will never schedule anything again on OUR time. If she does, we tell her no. She wanted to take the skids to a Christmas play, and she even bought tickets. Of course, it was during our week, and she asked if she could borrow them for a few hours. Because she will not return the favor, we told her no. "But I paid a lot of money for those tickets." Too friggin' bad - you should have scheduled to take them on your week.

I would either put my foot down and tell your BM that you will not miss out on your visitation any longer because she plans something for SS - or you go ahead and go to the waterpark and do all of those things you had already planned even if SS can't go because BM has him doing other things. It's not fair to your other kids to put their lives on hold waiting for SS to join you.
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