There have been days in my marriage where I've wanted to tell DH to take a hike. Imagine that, as much as I love that damn man I've had it to my eyeballs with him from time to time. And likewise I'm sure. My true friends always know the love I have for him and always encourage me to stay the course, no matter whats going on. They may be mad with me at the time, but they all know the outcome will be the same. Me beating some sense into him! LOL!

I think my main point is that you are right. I agree with you. Leave, stop working on your marriage, etc is not sound advice, and why would you say that to someone that you love? I wouldn't and I know you wouldn't.

I love my girl Barbie, I will never tell her to leave cause I know she loves her man. And though he may be a ass sometimes (this is how I know him and Juice will looooove each other) he is still her man and always will be. BUT, and here's the but, alot of people don't know each other here like we........some of us......know one another. They may just put themselves in the spot of "well hell, I'd never put up with that" and roll off the advice. KWIM?

Anways, you always make everyone see the other side so I'm just trying to return the favor.

I don't know why I always take the opposing view from you. We are so much alike it's sick. But somehow I always have something to say to you, just to try to challenge you to see further than what you already have.

Does that make me friend for life, or a not so much friend?

"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie

I agree, except in the instance of abuse. I was abused, and it doesn't just go away. I WILL, sight unseen, recommend leaving if someone is being abused. Been there, done that.

I here you, Stick--however I am with devilwoman. When a mate swears at and calls their partner names on a regular basis, as well as appears to be demeaning her, my first-hand knowledge of verbal abuse kicks in. Same with threats of, or actual violence, I usually recommend further reading and investigation--not immediate divorce. If it really is abuse, the person needs to make that determination and act on it when they are ready. However, the validation that yes, what is happening is wrong is key. Many abused women are very isolated and get confused about what is actually happening with emotional/verbal abuse. Having someone say, that is wrong can be very empowering. The internet was all I had when I went through my divorce and was seeking understanding and trying to clarify my mind.

Great Post Stick.
I can't say how many times I have posted on here, with my absolute sureness that I know the situation and I have the perfect advice, and then to find out I am way off base and needed to be corrected.
Or even the other way around. Dozens of you "she devils" (heh heh excuse the nick name) attacking someone and my little comment has the ability to break through with the person who wrote the post and really help them.
It is a hard way to support each other. To filter through the advice.

One thing I wanted to point out Stick. (Sorry to take this off topic.)
I noticed you always said "WE" when you pointed out what lots of people do on here.
This is something I struggle with. In terms of communicating with my wife. I could never write a post like this intending on showing everyone they are accepted and yet at the same time get everyone to ponder the thought of what they are, or may be doing hastily.

This is the type of communication I wish I could do.
I think it would save a whole bunch of non intended hurt in my relationship.

I dont tell people to leave...unless they express being physically abused...then I'll not hesitate to say, "get the hell out of there."

Of course there are the people who seem to be a HUGE part of their own problem and don’t want to be honest in their own mind and they don’t want to look within to change themselves before expecting others to change. That’s a big thing with me now; you can’t wait around expecting others to change if you can’t even adjust one or two little things about yourself to make your situation brighter. When people just refuse to see they could be doing things differently my default answer is, “well if you can’t look inside yourself and change what you are doing, don’t expect anyone else in your situation to change what they’re doing. Therefore, you need to move on to a situation you are better equipped to handle.”

I get tired of people who refuse to attempt trying to understand where the behavior is coming from and why it is happening…they just want to complain about it and get a “Yeah girl…your skid sucks!”

I was one of the people who just sat and complained ALL THE TIME about things but never figured what MY role in it was. I’m working on that now bc I got tired of seeing myself complain with NO improvement. You have to force yourself to make progress or you’ll always be stuck complaining about every little single thing your skid does that upsets you. You won’t get anywhere with it. You can get validation, which feels really good but don’t look for validation ALL the time…look for answers. I love being validated by the people here…it’s like a warm blanky telling me I’m not crazy. But it becomes an addiction of sorts…constant validation holds you back from seeking answers to your problems. When you stop seeking solutions and answers then your situation will explode into one big cluster fuck with you at the center pouting about it all. Trust me. I have been there.

Sorry to hijack your blog a bit stick...I'm in some kinda mood today.

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland