New Years
So this should be a fun New Years. I'm not really sure what to expect. I'm apparently staying the night at my BF's parents house with him and his daughter. The BM has been invited out of "kindness". She said she "might stop by". Ok I get his daughter, but it is at his parents house, with the BM... I am not sure what to expect or what can happen. I don't know if I should say something about the BM being invited... I feel like it would just make him angry cause then I'm showing that I'm jealous. I feel like anytime I try to understand whats going on I just irritate him. He talks about us getting married and having children of our own, if this is the case you would think me understanding all the stupid shit would be a good thing. But if I tell him something hes not sure of and I know the answer he gets moody then calls the BM to verify. Like what I said wasn't enough. I am aware that I am not the mother but he wants me to be the stepmother but does not like it when I let him know the things that are going on... Its just mentally difficult. I don't know what to say, when to say things, or how to act. If I don't say things I get yelled at for not letting him know how I feel but if I let him know then he gets irritated at me. I just wish this could be easier...
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Oh I'm with ya sista. what
Oh I'm with ya sista. what to say how to act... Which bomb will I step on next. How long have they been divorced? I would be very kind to BM, you need to get along with her find out who she is. You may like her and she may be similar to you. If she is just stopping by she probably has the same reservations. It woudl tick me off if he was calling BM to get confirmation on what I'm saying. I think I would take the phone call her myself and say "so this is the situation, what do you think ok?" then had the phone back to him. But that's just me. I actually called the BM and was so relieved (first time in 5 years) she was on my side and very understanding. Someone I might be friends with if the situation were otherwise. Be strong if you love this man and want it to work out. Be graceful for sd and BM. Take care
They were not married. They
They were not married. They dated for 4 months she got found out she was pregnant on Halloween and moved out by Thanksgiving. I know her, we all hung out while they were dating... Me and the BM get along fine, its just odd. Hell she calls me for a back up babysitter. I just dont really know...
If you plan on moving on in
If you plan on moving on in the future, you need to be able to talk about your feelings (like I said in your last post, lol).
I can't believe BM was even invited!!! Who invited her? This isn't good for anyone, especially the child. BE NICE, kill her with kindness. If she isn't a psycho and you guys can get along, it will be better in the long run.
I would also tell your BF not to ask for your opinion if he's going to go verify it with BM. If he needs to know something, he should just ask her if he's going to verify it with her anyway.
TRY to have a good New Year's Eve!!!
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
Thanks. He invited her...
Thanks. He invited her... like I said "to be nice". I understand he wants to be nice to her I just think a lot of it is bullshit. She STOLE his the first 10 months of his daughter from him I think he should be an ass... but thats just me... lol
Whoa!!! Hold Up!!! He can
Whoa!!! Hold Up!!! He can be nice to her, he doesn't need to invite her over for New Years. Oh hell no!!! That is bullshit and I would never have had that. If you feel strongly, you should say something. He knows you have jealousy issues and he invites her? Doesn't sound right to me.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
SO I'm not completely crazy?
SO I'm not completely crazy? Well I guess I feel a little better. Thanks. I don't know what to make of it really. He said when he invited her she asked if it would bother me, and his reply was that "we are ok". I think he is just hopeful that I will get over being Jealous... IDK...
LMAO. Thanks. But who is the
LMAO. Thanks. But who is the pan for? If its him... does anyone have a iron pan they are not using... I dont think stainless steel is hard enough... lol
Thanks
Thanks
No, you aren't crazy. But I
No, you aren't crazy. But I would really assess this relationship. It doesn't sound like he has moved on yet.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
I'll never understand why
I'll never understand why some ppl actually WANT two partners in their life. And that's basically the impression I get from this. He wants BM and you. One can pick up where the other leaves off, and then you can all celebrate on the holidays.
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
Meaning what? You think he
Meaning what? You think he wants her for more?
A relationship consists of
A relationship consists of many different aspects. You have sexual/friendship/companionship/partnership and so on.
It just appears that he hasn't let go of all of the 'emotional' aspects of the relationship with her.
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
Ok, so I went to your other
Ok, so I went to your other blog. This isn't adding up for me. He takes you on exchanges, but on NYE he wants to go alone? THEN he asks BM to join you 2 for NYE? Sounds a little off to me. How long have you guys been together? Im not sure BF is over BM.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
We have been officially
We have been officially dating for 6 months. We talked about dating, and might as well have been dating for a year. He has not been with BM for over 2 years.
I agree with middlemom, I
I agree with middlemom, I don't think BF has let go of BM. You need to tell BF how you feel. So what if he gets mad, annoyed or upset. Why should you be the one to feel this way? Did he even ask you if it was ok? Did he take into consideration that there are already jealousy issues there? Did he put himself in your shoes? Its only been 6 months, you really need to look at this relationship and figure out if you want to deal with this kind of crap forever.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
He didn't ask about New
He didn't ask about New Years. I have been trying to be good about things, not being jealous, I trust him, I feel like when I get jealous its me not trusting him. I want to be with him, I love him and I know he loves me, I see it when we are just us two. I get jealous of BM mostly because of the daughter. She has this beautiful thing that he loves and will do anything for, while I have nothing but me. He says he wants to marry me when we get our own place, and that he wants me to be part of his daughters life. I just don't know how to feel alot of the times. Hes really not a bad guy. Hes a great father and a great boyfriend. I just get fustrated that he doesn't always seem to think of how I feel about things, and he puts his own things over me still. I don't want to be the center of his life just part of it. He looks at it like I want to be the center. I just don't know what to say to him or how to say it. But he is my bestfriend which makes things harder. Every problem I have I want to tell him but because it has to do with him Im not sure how to say it.... Im sure I am making my own problems but he isn't helping me with my problems, self inflicted or not....
I am going through the exact
I am going through the exact same thing. Im not jealous of BM and I know he doesnt want to be with her anymore. Im jealous, that she gave him his daughter, who he adores, and would do anything for. Ive only been with him for 6 months too. It must be a new relationship thing. Have you ever been with a man with kids before? I havent. Im new to this whole thing, and dont know how to handle any of it.
I think we are in the same
I think we are in the same boat. This is my first time as well. Maybe we can help each other out some...
IMO, he is getting mad
IMO, he is getting mad because he doesn't want the dynamics of this situation to change. He can still keep the both of you close, and that makes him happy as long as you aren't trying to change that. But he will just tell you that you are being jealous and insecure so that it takes the focus off of him as being the problem and puts it onto you instead.
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
What is IMO?? Im still new
What is IMO?? Im still new to this whole thing... sorry...
In my
In my opinion
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
So should I step up and say
So should I step up and say something... If so what? Or even how? I don't want to become the bitch in all this....
I agree, but you can't be a
I agree, but you can't be a doormat either. Flipping the situation to where he is in your shoes might make him realize that he isn't making the right decisions.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
So its bitch or doormat...
So its bitch or doormat... wow these choices suck... lol
I've been both, I like bitch
I've been both, I like bitch better, lol }:)
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
Im just not a normal
Im just not a normal aggressive person.
Will things always be this
Will things always be this hard? Is there a good way to keep your sanity through the tough times?
Compared to a nuclear
Compared to a nuclear family, things in a blended family will always be harder IMO. There will be more issues, more stress, more 'outsiders' involved. There will be periods where things are calm, then periods where you feel like you just want to give up. Idk if having a nuclear family before to begin with to compare it to makes you feel more nostalgic, or if it gives you a more cynical view on the blended family. I only have my experiences to go by, but if I had the opportunity to go back in time I would have been out sick that day BF walked thru my office door.
Don't get me wrong, I love BF to death, and I can't imagine my life without him or his children, but if I could erase all of that, and not know what it was like to love him, then I wouldn't be missing anything.
The best way I know how to keep your sanity through it all is self confidence, a strong sense of who YOU are, and a sense of humor.
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
Im not sure exactly what you
Im not sure exactly what you should say, but you need to say something. Tell him what you said here, you don't want to be the center, put you do want to be a part of his life and see how it goes from there. Don't attack him, just tell him how you feel. If he doesn't want to hear it, maybe he isn't the guy for you.
"I don't want to become the bitch in all this...."
You will become a doormat if you keep using that theory, trust me.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
Lynne, your relationship is
Lynne, your relationship is relatively new. That's probably why other posters have suggested that he may still have emotional ties to the ex.
About 2 months ago I posted on here about BM1 wanting to join us for Thanksgiving. I went along, because she doesn't really bother me and it makes it easier for the kids.
BUT, FH had told me many times before hand that if I felt uncomfortable then we would do something else. That we could visit someone in my family or stay home. So in the end, the decision was mine to make.
It doesn't matter if BM shows up or not. What matters is that your feelings weren't taken into consideration. Be polite, be cordial, and gauge how he acts around her. And try to enjoy yourself anyway...
Thanks, that is a good way
Thanks, that is a good way to see it.
Lucky you, you know just how
Lucky you, you know just how it going to be before going in to it. Now multiply that times 10 and you've got your marriage to him. If that doesn't sound like fun now is the time to run, run fast!