Sweet and Sour Gloating
So this is my first time blogging about my adventures of step-parenting or even marriage in general, pretty exciting that there is such a support group I never knew about until today!!!!
There is way too much to put into one post obviously, I've been with my DH for almost 6 years and we've been married for 3 years on the 16th! SO the anniversary is coming up. We are actually nearing a close date for our first home pretty soon as well which is exciting!
I do have to say I feel bad sometimes (and I’ll tell you why in a minute), but mostly I just gloat (albeit quietly to myself, never overtly) about how miserable BM is. I also like the acronym BM because I see it as “Baby Momma”, or even “B!tch Monster” and that is pretty much all she is to me. And what do I gloat about? The fact that she lost my husband who is the best husband ever, and she regrets it every.single.day. That no matter what she has done over the past 6 years to break us up to get him back, nothing has worked. How about the fact that I’m prettier, smarter, make more money and have way more education, AND cook healthy meals for her child, and she is dying on the inside because of it. And no matter how hard she tries to get my SD to hate me, she can’t, because SD does not remember life without me in it and we love eachother. DH and BM were only married for a short year (you know the song and dance of why) and I met my husband when SD was a little over a year old after he kicked her to the curb for the last time.
So why do I gloat? Because she is an evil b!tch and I cannot stand the mental terrorism she tries to use on every person to manipulate and try to get her way, including her own child. Unfortunately for her, Karma is a b!tch. Did I mention that my husband and I got half custody last month? Yep, another thing to gloat about because it makes her miserable that she lost control and our money. Stick another tick on the scoreboard, 1000 us, -1000 her. Cha-ching. Did I mention she is also emotionally bankrupt? Yep, there is no depth in those murky waters, verrrrry shallow indeed.
Now here is the REALLY jacked up part of the situation, I feel bad, bad, bad. Not because I think she doesn’t deserve her Karma pill of anguish and hell, she deserves every bit and more. I feel bad because deep down, I wish she was normal and a nice person, and that we could be friends. I imagine us baking cookies, chatting on the phone, sharing funny stories about SD, and coordinating our Christmas presents. DH in the background with a 50’s smoking robe on, shaking his head with a smile, ‘those crazy gals are at it again.’ Chuckle chuckle. What do I have instead? Screaming. That’s what I have. A crazy b!tch telling my husband that I am a wh0re, c-u-next-Tuesday, b!tch, blah blah blah. Telling SD that I am ugly, that I’m not her “real” family (whatever the hell that means), and that I’m the evil stepmom.
I guess we can all dream right? So I’ll just dream about the bobblehead (another endearing term I use secretly for BM) getting run over by a dump truck (…reindeer, tornado, cascade of cow crap, herpes, whatev) when I am upset and she pisses me off. And, the cookie’s and shopping daydream when I’m happy. Fair enough.
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WOW, sounds like we have
WOW, sounds like we have very similar situations...dh have only been married 2 years though, ss is now 4...he pretty much has all memories with me in them. we have 50/50, and are just moved in to our first house! Congrats to you!!
bm's sound very similar, and after she took us to court after we were married for 2 weeks, she screwed her self and got zero dollars from us instead of the increased child support and custody she was seeking....and she also had to go to therapy for her personal issues because she cant let go of my dh and keeps harassing us!
Ive been really negative lately because im super sick of bm trying to control our life, our bm too is shallow and pathetic..she has no life and tried to constantly create drama in ours! i feel like im always watching out for her next move...for example she was keeping ss out of daycare claiming she couldnt afford half...but i knew she was doing that so she could watch him while dh and i worked and then go to court saying she had him more than we did and she wanted child support...ugh anyways...you seem very up beat and positive about your life with dh!!! i want to be like that again!! and i want to be able to ignore bm for the sorry ass person that she is...my dh too, is an amazing husband!!
thank you for posting, you just inspired me to kick myself in the but and start appreciating all the good things dh and i have!! I want to sound positive about my great life, and not always complain about what an idiot bm is!!!
OMG we have such similar
OMG we have such similar circumstances! It's crazy that there are so many of these psycho's out there!
I hear you, there are times when I wonder what the hell I was thinking getting myself into the situation. I went through the blame game, blaming her, blaming my SD, blaming even my husband for his "poor choices" in the past. I don't think you ever REALLY get over that, you just get THROUGH it. It gets easier I promise, there were times when I HAD it with that woman, but I always tell myself now when she acts up, she envy's everything I have. Every.single.thing. It's your happiness that is killing her. So be it!
If anything, she has taught me a LOT about psycho behavior. And if you don't let it control you, you learn to see how silly, insecure and miserable they are. And then you learn to see how great of a person you are, and that you deserve all the good things you have. We reap what we sow!
Good luck to you, I'll be sure to check in with you and see how you are doing.
I really like your take on
I really like your take on this. I am having problems with BM right now but I know that she hates that I cook, I clean, and as DH says am 1000 times the woman she could only hope to be. Keep your gloating I think its one of the few personal wins we get against the nasty ex's. I wish we could have been first in DH lives but better to be second and awesome than first and not have these awesome men.
You are so right! I think
You are so right! I think things like that ALL THE TIME. But then I wonder, do you really appreciate heaven if you've never been through hell? It's something to ponder for sure! Would they be the loving wonderful husbands they are if they didn't have the woman (and I use that word loosely) psycho before us that beat them down? I think they appreciate and love us all the more because they remember very well how bad it was.
They can't even forget how bad it was, because BM is sure to remind him on a regular basis, thinking their antics will drive him back to her. Ohhh those silly BM's are so stupid it's cute.
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your post and when I'm feeling really at my wits end or just feeling sorry for myself I'm gonna re-read it! Inspiring and exactly why I'm here...to help myself. I dont need therapy from some counselor or therapist who really has no idea what I'm going through! I have it all here! Plus sometimes I just get trapped in the whirlpool of BM bullshit and then I've given her what she wants! Thanks again!!!
She's miserable because of
She's miserable because of her own path that she's laid out for herself.
I try not to dare to compare. I don't need to be prettier, smarter, wiser... better. I need to be me and realize that my worth isn't determined by that comparison, not even by the choices that separate her and I.
We're just different.. not right or wrong.. just not right for me.
Your dream probably never will come to fruition, where you are baking cookies and swapping recipes. Lower the bar, dream of a day when her wrath brings you indifference, not anger and pain. Where her words don't ring true in any of your own insecurities, knowing that they are just her own projections of her own pain.
I think that's when we are truly free when we can forgive those who trespass against us.
Great big hugs to you.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley