Struggling with my 10 year old step son
I have been married to my wife for 3 years now and in the last 2 years have lost some friendship with my step son who is 10. He will not talk to me on his own and is always clinging to his Mom and Grandpa. If there is a situation where he has the opportunity to stay home or go somewhere with me he will always opt out. There has been some arguments between my wife and I in front of him, however nothing abusive just voices being raised in disagreement. I also think his real dad pits him against me, but I cannot prove it. My wife is not a communicater, so she does not like talking about it or doesn't seem to energetic on helping fix the relationship. What should I do????
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I don't know what you should
I don't know what you should do, but this sounds an awful lot like the situation I've been going through over the last 2 years. And in my case, the problem is BM turning the kids against me (parental alienation).
My husband had been taking care of his former SD11, along with his daughter (9) every other week for about 6 years. I came into their lives almost 4 years ago. From the beginning I got along great with both girls, especially former SD11. We really bonded. Then after a disagreement with BM over the phone, former SD11 immediately changed her behavior towards me. I am positive that BM got off the phone with me & told the kid EVERYTHING. (Well, "everything" meaning that I'm a jerk for questioning her. I'm sure BM's story was quite different than what really happened.) She stopped talking to me, would barely look at me, was downright rude to me at times & constantly compared me to BM & of course, BM was always better. Then her behavior extended to my family, my husband's family & eventually my husband.
We dealt with it for almost a year & then decided that former SD11 needed to stay with BM for a while until we figured out what the problem was. BM threw a fit & made the situation as uncomfortable as possible for everyone involved, including former SD11. BM refused to let former SD11 talk to a counselor. The situation got out of control & former SD11 hasn't been with us since. (Which is probably for the best, however, it's not what we had wanted.)
BM is now attempting to do the same thing with SD9. Some days SD9 ignores me completely, others she's hugging me & acting like she always has. It's really bizarre. I feel bad for the poor kid because I'm sure BM has her wondering what the hell is going on half the time.
You may want to look up Parental Alienation. I learned about it on here & read up on it & I'm 99% sure this is what happened to us. Keep us posted on your situation!
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Thanks for the reply. I have
Thanks for the reply. I have tried to talk breifly with him here and there about the topic, but he becomes real emotional at times and we never finish with any outcome because of his emotions. He will start crying and really the conversation doesn't go anywhere.