90% ready to move on
I think I am getting extremely close to moving on with my life. At times I think the bleneded family concept was never for me, but at other times I feel like my wife has not at all supported me or renforced the fact that we can do this together. I know I am a good loving Man, but cannot give all I have to an unloving, unemotional, unaffectionate and unkind woman. This is some peoples personality make-up....I understand that, however does that mean to accept and endure...I'm not sure about that! Our relationship has not progressed due to lack of communication on different topics....some of those topics are just moments in time that you want someone to comment on or give there opinion on! Today in another scheduled day of counseling, but it may be the last!
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Forgive me for not knowing
Forgive me for not knowing all details on your situation but women by nature are not usually: unloving,unemotional,unaffectionate and unkind for no reason. There's usually a cause for that. I was this way with my ex but I'm not this way at all with my husband.
can't tell you what to do but if you love this person, give the counseling 110% of your effort for more than just a few sessions. problems don't develop in a matter of weeks or months so they can't be solved in a matter of weeks or months either.
Good luck.
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
Thanks for your
Thanks for your comments.....speaking of the kind and loving side, my wife has expalined to me several times that that's how she is and will not change or try to sugar coat things to be any different. It makes it hard bcause that attitude seems to be cold and very unwilling to hear how her style makes me feel disrespected and unappreciated. I just don't know how long I can endure without her making a conscious effort. She says I;m trying to change her as a person!!!
well...with more information
well...with more information and her admission to this, what made you marry her? Was she different then? Were you pressured into marriage(my husband was totally pressured into his previous marriage). I don't think you should continue being unhappy but I also don't want you to forget the reasons you married her in the first place especially if those reasons were good ones.
I've heard the first 5 years of blended family marriages are the toughest to endure...
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
We ahd a long distance
We ahd a long distance relationship and then when we moved in together it was a short engagement. I guess until I began living with her did I see her in a different light and how she handled situations. She is the type that is very independent and keeps her emotions in check. The funny thing is we met off an online dating service, so much for compatability tests!
oh wow...that is definitely
oh wow...that is definitely a shock to the system when someone is totally different than what you had originally been led to believe.
So, you're the sensitive emotional one and she's just kind of emotionally void...I'm assuming she isn't taking proper efforts to be more warm and fuzzy in which case you can either adjust to her icy ways or leave. I try to look for even the smallest glimmer of hope before letting people make their way out of my life...has she changed anything for the better? anything at all? There HAS to be an answer on how to get her to throw out the ice princess routine and the question you need to ask is "DO I really want to be the man who does this or let some other man spend 5,10,15,etc...years getting her to melt?"
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
Are you overly affectionate,
Are you overly affectionate, overly loving, and overly emotional? The reason I ask this is b/c this is how my Ex was when we were married. I'm all for being affectionate and loving, but I need some personal space too. His excessiveness of this only created distance between us and pushed me further away. So if this is the case with you, maybe thats why your wife isn't into being affectionate or emotional?
Now, my DH is the complete opposite, which is nice, b/c whenever I want affection (hugs, kisses, etc.) I initiate it, without it being pushed on me.
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“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”
I would say I’m not
I would say I’m not overly, but I definitely initiate pretty much all of the time. I guess she was just never raised that way. It also shows in our intimate time together….she doesn’t like to kiss like most woman and is very traditional with intimate type things and don’t even talk about it because she pleads the 5th! She was somewhat more intimate during our dating phase and would actually step out of the box every now and then (if I led), but after marriage things have changed a lot and its only been 3 years. When I get home from work she’s not a greeting type person, so it seems like an unloving house! I tried to be the cheerleader, but her reaction makes me feel like why bother!
see the intimate,out of the
see the intimate,out of the box stuff is what keeps my marriage ticking. I'd say my husband initiates MOST of the contact but that's just because he's horny 24/7 and I'm horny 5days out of seven and only in the evenings for some reason. TMI sorry but just trying to relate to your situation
As far as greetings are concerned...I DO NOT SPEAK in the MORNING! And I will not go out of my way to go from one end of the mcmansion to the other end just to greet him if he gets home after me...he can come find me and say hi and he'll get hugs and kisses then but I don't seek him out.
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
Yeah I'm not such a greeting
Yeah I'm not such a greeting person either when DH gets home from work. It's not that I'm not happy to see him, it's just that I've been at work all day long, have to come home and clean, cook, help kids with homework, run them to ball practice, etc., etc., so I'm just tired and literally too drained to muster up a smile and a Hey honey, how was your day at the door as I give him a kiss?
I do need to work on that, but the reason I share that with you is b/c it may not be a personal attack against you. I think you guys need to try out counseling, or atleast maybe if you start going alone at first, then offer for her to come along.
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“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”
If your not willing to stand
If your not willing to stand with your wife, you should be single and not remarry or be in any serious relationships.
If you have the misguyided ideas to always put your kids first, then why even be with anyone? get your own place and let them run you into the ground and not take down some innocent women who will only end up victimized.
I bet you have some very unrelaitic expactations about the ideas of a blended family. I'm sure counseling will help point that out, so its a good idea you go.