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Move in or stay in my own place?

msheretostay09's picture

Submitted by msheretostay09 on Fri, 09/04/2009 - 1:36pm

My BF and I have been discussing moving in with each other by next summer (before my son enter HS) So I'd be moving in with him. He has joint custody of his boys with his BM. We live an hour away from each other. He lives closer to his children (about 20 minutes). My son is in the 8th grade, his oldest son is in 7th his youngest in 1st. Now, if I move with him, I'll have to uproot my son to move in with him. I suggested that he could move to MY area which is about 40 minutes away from his boys and then my son wouldn't have to leave his school system, his friends, his way of things. So, I suggested that he move (we both are renting right now - BM got the house) to my area and he said, "I dont want to move 40 mins away from MY boys and MY fraternity chapter".

I thought about and I honestly do not see the reason why he could live 20 mins away from BM and boys but not 40 mins? We both work in the city which is not far from BM's house so getting to practices/games after work isn't an issue. Getting them to school on the one day a week that he has the boys wouldn't be an issue because we work in the same vicinity and their schools aren't that far. We'd just have to allow more time to get them to school. I can drop one off he can drop one off and go to work. As far as his fraternity -- please, his local chapter meets like once a month so ok, he'd have to drive like 45-1hour to get to that meeting... WHOOPTIFUCKINDO.

Ugh, this might be wrong but I was offended because I feel that with all the adjustments WE WOULD ALL have to make... my son would be most affected and I'm offended by his lack of consideration. I mean at least CONSIDER my situation? Ya know?

Comments

AllSmiles's picture

Submitted by AllSmiles on Fri, 09/04/2009 - 1:55pm

He wants you to fit into his life and isn't willing to bend to yours. Do not move in, do not get married until you see him making sacrifices too. The resentment will bubble and build. Promise. Chek out my blog. Post marraige, he swore we'd get his kids on the same visitation as mine....never happened.

Best of luck

"Courage is fear holding on a minute longer." General George S. Patton

msheretostay09's picture

Submitted by msheretostay09 on Fri, 09/04/2009 - 3:35pm

Yes I've told him several times before that I feel like I'm always the one fitting myself in his box and he doesn't do that for me. He says he loves me and would do anything for me but I don't see how he's doing that by being so... selfish when it comes to such important issues!

I'll check out ur blog & thanks!

"Sometimes it's best to forget what you want and remember what you deserve."

frustrated stepmom's picture

Submitted by frustrated stepmom on Fri, 09/04/2009 - 1:59pm

I don't see why you have to be the one to make all the sacrifices with moving. He should at least put some thought to it and talk to you about the pros and cons of each of you moving. I don't like the fraternity excuse, I would think that family life should come before a monthly meeting...

misguided's picture

Submitted by misguided on Fri, 09/04/2009 - 3:30pm

If he's like this now, imagine what it will be like once your trapped? Once you give up your apt and probably furniture. This is not a good sign and if you do anything, read some of these blogs before you decide. The people here didn't start out aggravated, resentful people, we became this way.

Jon-Boy's picture

Submitted by Jon-Boy on Fri, 09/04/2009 - 11:58pm

Don't do it.
Being patient and wise will save a bunch of heartache for your son.
If you stay where you are at, and the relationship goes south? your son is fine. It's only your pain to deal with. Don't drag your son into this.
Just like all smiles says, The writing is on the wall.

He is not thinking about anything but himself.
Keep talking about this.
It sounds like you know what is right and wrong.
Moving in together =(BAD)