My BF is still dependant on BM!!
I feel like my BF is ... a little too dependant on BM. He looks for her to keep him on track with doc appointments, football schedules (both SS's play football), parent teacher conferences, EVERYTHING and I believe that these are things that he should have his OWN schedule for. He should be able to schedule doc appointments(since they are on his health ins), he shouldn't have to call her to see what time SS6's football game is or if SS12's game is cancelled because of rain! He should have his own damn schedule! And then when I ask him why is he calling her all the time, he quickly gets defensive and is like, "I only talk to her when it has to deal with the kids." My thing is those things DEAL with the kids but he's still depending on her to let him know. To me, he is stuck in a time when she took care of those things and he took care of other things. That is what people who are MARRIED DO. I keep telling him, HE'S NOT MARRIED ANYMORE!! And he gets upset because he says that HE KNOWS that he's not married anymore but I hate how he does that. I mean, he'll wait to the last minute while we are ON our way to the field to call and ask her, "Do I have to bring SS12 an hour early or does SS6 needs his pads today?" And I'm staring at him like... UGH! I can just imagine what BM is thinking on the other end. In my mind, he is ENABLING her to act the way she acts... and he just doesn't see it!!! 
So what did I do to make this all better for US?!? Well at the last practice, the coach mom handed out contact forms for all the parents to fill out. On the forms were about 5 lines for the parents to put email addresses and names of those who would be involved or volunteering with practices (so that everyone is on the same page). I asked my BF for the form so that I could fill it out FOR him. He looked at me funny at first and then he was like ok. SO I filled it out. I put his email, asked him for BM's email address and then I added mine at the bottom. Done!
So now, when there is ANY correspondence, notices, cancellations, we know first hand and HE doesn't have to ask BM for anything.
I just hope my BF gets out of this stage of... CLUELESSNESS before it's too late!
- msheretostay09's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
How annoying....
That would bother the sh*t outa of me too.... I think you did the right thing by filling out the contact form FOR bf with his information so that he can get the info he needs himself.... but I can't help but wonder why bf seems so helpless?? Why didn't he seek out and complete the contact info himself?? My ex was like that and I did absolutely EVERYTHING for him and in the end really resented him for it and wish I would have done things differently. Its funny because now he is with my best friend (long story) and she forces not only him but his ex (bm) to be responsible not only for themselves but also for their own kids!
Now lets see what happens now that you know the coach mom has bf's info (as well as yours).... lets see if bf takes the time to open his email and view the info OR if he starts counting on you to take care it for him OR if he simply continues to turn to bm for everything....
this is so discouraging...
You said it right, WHY IS HE SO HELPLESS? That is what I'm trying to figure out? It seems like it takes me to intervene for him to be like OHHHH SOO THAT'S THE WAY I SHOULD DO IT NOW. It's totally starting to get really irritating and I love him I do but DAMN, I have my son (outside of his boys) to focus on also! I think BM is more of an aggressive, get it done type who doesn't wait around for anything and that is what he is used to... the only thing is... HE ISN'T MARRIED TO HER ANYMORE and I'm more of a BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN type. Don't get me wrong, I do not mind helping but sometimes he just pisses me off with this DAMSEL IN DISTRESS ROUTINE... lol It's like his attitude is WHY does he have to do it if SHE already does... IRRITATING! SO we shall see how it goes this season.
SN: I'm so curious to know how ur ex ended up with ur best friend! WOWZER! Are you guys still best friends? I'm sorry! I can't imagine.
"Sometimes it's best to forget what you want and remember what you deserve."
I don't think there is any hidden meaning behind it
Its most likely just something he is used, its more of a habit. How long have they been apart? Change does happen, it just takes time. Eventually boundaries should be set.
It could be that she wants complete control over the sitch so he never knew where or how to get this info.
Do you feel like there is too much contact between the two?
I agree...change does take time but how much time?!?!
Yes it could be something he is used to and that is just what is bothering me. They've been seperated a little over a year now which isn't really that long... divorce just became final and so yes, a lot of what we are going through comes with the territory and simply -- he is USED to HER way of things. From what I understand, she WAS/IS a complete control freak. It's either her way or the highway. I can very well see her wanting to have all the control and only letting him know things when necessary (at the last minute) and that is how she keeps control of the WHOLE situation, that's how SHE calls the shots. That is how she makes sure they keep in contact with each other. Things don't happen until she says they happen and I can't stand that he allows that but claims that he can't control her and that is what he's trying to get me to understand. But to me, her having all of that control makes him look like a real WUSS but his position is as long as she's not keeping the boys from him, He is fine... UGH it's just a mix of things that are really irritating me. It's always something, like everyday... and I want to just say, ARE YOU GONNA LET HER TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT? ARE YOU GONNA LET HER CARRY YOU LIKE THAT? And he just stares at me blankly. And I start boiling inside.
As far as them having too much contact, well - - I don't know and I don't ask because I think too much about what they could possibly be talking about. The only time I know that they talk is when I'm actually there and she calls with her demands or when he calls with questions about the boys sports or other bs that he thinks is important. Other than that - - I have no idea. We live seperately THANK GOD so maybe I need to just be patient, and wait ... until more times passes and things change? If they change...
"Sometimes it's best to forget what you want and remember what you deserve."
It's the opposite for me, BM
It's the opposite for me, BM is completely clueless when it comes to schedules. Between my husband, myself, team moms (for sports) and coaches she receives plenty of emails regarding practice schedules and I make sure she receives emails of all the doctor/orthodontist appointments that are made. Despite all the emails she ALWAYS calls, texts, emails or has one of my skids ask us about schedules/appointments. Just as recent as last Friday night, she had one of the kids ask, "What time is our game tomorrow?" and "Is it at home?". Mind you, not only did we ALL receive a complete list of game times and locations but the team mom sends out an email EVERY week reminding us of the time and location.
Once, she even questioned an appointment by REPLYING TO THE ORIGINAL EMAIL she received regarding the appointment!!! She is a special breed of stupid! It's stupidity like this that has pushed us to the point of simply responding with, "please refer to prior emails". It took a little while but my husband finally saw my point of how by feeding into her stupidity was enabling her to continue with it
Feeding into stupidity.....
Feeding into stupidity only enables the stupid person to continue being stupid... I love it!