New Here
Hi! I found this site awhile ago, and decided to start blogging/posting. I need a place to vent and get things out. I have tried other SM boards, but my situation with my eldest SD is really out of hand, and most just don't know what to say. Heck, I don't know what to say. Sometimes, I just need to get it out!
I met my husband 4 years ago. We have lived together for about 3 years. Married for 1. We have a beautiful one year old together, and he has two teenage girls from a previous marriage. He is residential. They have shared parenting, but only when it makes her look good, or she wants to prove some point does she use this right.
The youngest had some troubles when we got engaged. Normal things you would expect I guess. Nothing too out of hand. She is now a teenager, and we deal with fairly normal things from her. To be honest she is probably better then the normal teenager. She has her moments, but all it takes is a reminder that she is not acting appropriately, and it stops, most of time. However, her grades are not good, and neither my DH or BM hold her to anything when it comes to grades. I try, but as SM can only do so much with out the support of least one of the BP.
The oldest, is a nightmare. I have tried and tried with this child. In the beginning, I didn't say much, because in reality, most of it is not her fault. It is both of her parents fault. A child will do what they can get away with, and she can get away is most anything. BM is a nightmare, and makes things much worse then they have to be. She not only thinks it is OK that this child disrespects me, but helps her do it. Tells her what to say.
I didn't speak to BM AT ALL for about the first 3 years. Then I contacted her, and things seemed to go OK for awhile. She was still saying things to the girls about me here and there, but I let it go, and kept being the bigger person and communicating with her. In fact YSD had to be somewhere out of town not to long ago, and BM won't drive long distances, so I picked BM up and drove her along with YDD to this event. What was I thinking??? Recently things have hit an all time low though, and I am DONE! I have decided to end all communication with BM. I am not telling her this, but just not allowing it to happen anymore. Text/Email/Call me about some stupid crap that has nothing to do with the kids? IGNORE! Text/Call/Email me about the kids... DH will be home at ##:## if you want to talk to him.
I am also done with my oldest SD. Done. I am not doing ANYTHING.FOR.HER. Unless it benefits ME. Example: Buying schools supplies, it saves me money to do it instead of making DH do it. I will not let her know I did it though. She can think daddy did it. I am not even talking to her unless I have to. I am NOT dealing with disrespect. I will call her on it IMMEDIATELY. I will also call her out RIGHT.NOW. if/when she starts screaming at my one year old or my younger SD. Or if/when she hits either of them. Not going on in MY home ANYMORE. If she doesn't like it, she can go live with mommy!
I soo look forward to posting here more!
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Comments
WELCOME!
I look forward to getting to know more of your story! Your SD sounds like a piece of work...how old is she?
Thanks!
She is 16. She has slept with over 20 guys in the last year to year and a half. She had about 15 detentions and 6 in school suspensions last year because she doesn't think she has to listen to anyone. Literally several were for things like the teacher telling her to sit down, and her moving to the front of the desk while staring down the teacher, and standing to prove she doesn't have to listen. She just got off of probation in July because BM took her to the police station (after she beat her with a HANGER in MY home while we were not there!) for unruliness, but BM has no troubles with her, it is just us because we treat her badly!. She beats up on younger (14) SD EVERY time they are with BM. She has smacked my son. She SCREAMS at both of them CONSTANTLY. She put her fist to my stomach when I was pregnant and said "let me kill your baby". She was ONLY joking though, she WOULD never do such a thing. I should trust her to babysit!
That's so sad!
She really needs to be in counseling, and to see a professional! She might have something that is un-diagnosed. If she doesn't receive proper help then she might turn out to be one of the BMs we blog on here about!
Uh oh 16 and nuts....
Sounds like she needs counseling. I have such a hard time when I read about young girls that are so out of control because I always feel that there is an underlying issue that we're missing. I had my first child at the age of 15 and in a nutshell (in hindsight) it was because I had to find a way to get out of my living situation. So I hooked up with a man 14 years my senior, got knocked up and left with him. We ended up getting married and had another child but after 9 years we parted ways.
I was an angry teen. I rebelled ROYALLY against my mom. She could not see the things that were happening and I became enraged.
I wonder what could be happening in this girls life that she is so angry? Sleeping around is also a sign of very low self esteem. She is looking to boys to give her the attention she is craving. Maybe you can hook her up with a life coach? Or a Big Sister?
Don't give up on her just yet. Where are you located? There are programs for kids like this. When my oldest son decided to become an unruly teen I turned to the National Guard Youth Challenge Program. It's a military based boot camp. He was able to finish HS and was taught some serious discipline. He hated it at first, but completed it with flying colors.
Google it.
Best of luck...
I have tried to get her
I have tried to get her help. I had her set up in a program for troubled teens and has them work with horses. Begged DH and BM to get her into counseling. They both said at different times they were going to set it up. Neither ever did. They also all let go of the horse ranch after a couple visits. Only so much I can do. I have tried, and tried. I can't tell you how much I have done for this girl, and how much I have let pass because I know she has issues, but you can only be treated like crap so many times before you just don't have the energy or care anymore. Especially when your hands are tied and there is nothing you can do.
I hear you MeanOle
"They both said at different times they were going to set it up. Neither ever did."
That is really sad. The 2 people who REALLY should give a shit don't. There might very well lay the answer of her anger.
I'm sorry to hear that. It's so very sad when teens fall thru the cracks because the adults in their lives just can't be bothered.
I guess just put it in God's hands MeanOle. Pray for her. It's all you can do.
Best...