When abuse is suspected the first question asked is always "Is there a BF or GF in the house?"

Seriously? That's so funny because my DH is the only father my son has ever had......his own father did abuse him and still continues to mentally.

And SD gets tortured by her mom. I swear I'm the only positive female role modle in her life.

I think the first question should be "is there a psycho x that lays all of her crazy feelings on the kid, therefore making the kid crazy as well?"

~all you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust...and sometimes a machine gun~

smile dear...everything shall pass in it's own good time.
I'm sorry about all the henpicking fighting that seems to be occuring lately. I hope you choose to stick around...some things I agree with and some I don't and I have this opinion/problem with all members whether I love them to death or not. Just take it in waves doll!

The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957

was on vaca?......LOL...I hear what yur saying 100% goodmom..but keep in mind...some people here are truly venting...,I have vented about things that I have never said to my skids.... I kind of resent the first question in an abuse case being is there a BF or GF in the house....I rescued my skids from horrible abuse on all levels from the biomom..I could tell u stories, that even in yur line of work would make yur skin crawl.....so...that alone makes some of us good SM's bitter...why are we always considered the bad guys?....I may have never given birth, but I can assure you I am a 100% better mother to my skids than the thing that did give birth to them....and I get bitter and resentful about that fact as well...I am doing all the work the MOTHER should be doing,,,,but I guess when yur a drug addict, alcoholic and promiscious, its too much to ask....I work full time,,,commute 130 miles a day and take GREAT care of my kids...this is where I vent when I need to...as do alot of other SM's.....people can say whatever they want here....and maybe, just maybe....they won't say it to a child....I'd rather that happen any day...

"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"

a news story some months ago, about a kid who shot his fathers pregnant gf while she was sleeping , and he killed her. I think that abuse in families has taken on a whole new form and level. We can't point fingers to quickly at BF or GF's, as there seem to be a lot of bio's and now kids, who are the cause of abuse and violence in the home. JMO. ~ 'Big girls don't cry"~ Fergie

I also work with CS and I do dozens of home investigations a week. You either grow a think skin or you don't last in this line of work. There is a growing number of kids who are mentally ill and do harm themselves and others, not always because of abuse. As for the question of if there is a BF/GF in the home that's because they don't normally have the emotional attachment to the child as a bio parent should. Step parents who love their step children are the exception not the rule. Remember you don't have to hit to be abusive.

When I am majorly stressed, my son picks up on it, and tends to act out more and be more clingy. Which sets off a cycle of him wanting more love and me needing my space. Its just his way of trying to "make things better". And no matter how much I try to put on a happy face, he knows.
Believe me, I love my Skids, they are for the most part really good kids. Sometimes they do things that tick me off, and I need to just vent about it for that moment and then I feel better and move on. Its not an attack on character, its just something that happened that annoyed me.
The thing is, my FH has went through a lot to raise good children, and will be damned if he lets his kids do what half of these skids on here do. I really feel for the people who love their DH/SO but have skids who steal, lie, smoke, do drugs, have promiscous sex, etc. That's a really tough spot to be in, kwim?
FH has a D who is 9. Is she clingy? Yes. Does she do the whiny voice thing? YES. But I have made it a point to spend time with her alone, get to know her talk to her, etc. Once she realized I'm not a "threat", she has backed off greatly. However, that has worked in my situation, but I don't know if it will work for anyone elses. FH has also done the same for my son, who is VERY clingy when it comes to me. It takes time and patience.
Goodmom, I am sorry that you feel that way, I hope you continue to post. Everyone is entitled to their feelings, however, and they need to be respected, which I know you do

What exactly was wrong with what was written about that? Seriously? The SD leaves them open and she's trying to teach her a lesson. Would it be any different if she were writing about teaching her OWN child a lesson? I've done plenty of stuff just like that to my own son to teach him lessons including taking a door off its hinges after being slammed one time too many. So yes, really, cabinet doors can drive a person nutty no matter who the kid is! I'm sure she feels much better about it after just writing it out.

Just having a place like this is what gives me relief... I can write it out, someone can relate, I know I'm not alone in this and bingo I feel MUCH MUCH better. I may want to relocate my SD's face on occasion but I also want to do the very same thing to perfectson17. They are KIDS and yes KIDS drive a person crazy and sometimes it just feels ohhhhh so good to get it off your chest. I dearly love my SDs, I've had them for 9 years and considering the youngest is 10.5 I have had quite a hand in raising her so please please please do not judge me because I have a frustrating time with them and need to get a gripe off my chest for the simple fact that by doing it HERE... I don't do it to THEM.

who are we to tell someone else what to pick and choose? That is NOT my job. Most of us do pick and choose our battles but until we walk in someone else's 5" heels we don't know what's going in their homes and what they are choosing.

For 4 years and am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker of over 10 years. I have seen more than a lifetime of bad stuff out there (probably why I'm working towards my MBA right now). I get where you are coming from and feel the same way. There is no reason whatsoever to harm a child, emotionally or physically. I think, though, we all need to be mindful that some of the things said on this board are not taken to the literal extent. For example, I might be frustrated with my DH and state "I'd like to wring his neck", but you can be assured that I will not go and actually strangle him physically. Some things are said out of frustration, and not meant literally.

I also have seen in my years both in CPS and as a Mental Health Therapist, plenty of kids come through my door who have serious mental health issues. We could debate as to the cause...whether parents lack of love, attention etc caused it or not. But I can recall numerous times sitting across from young kids ages ranging from 8 to 17, who were a threat to others (parents, siblings etc). I have visited with these kids in the state detention center and listened to them talk about hurting others with shockingly little remorse.

I think my point is....there are BAD parents out there, there are BAD stepparents out there, and there are BAD kids out there too. I don't think that we can generalize across the board either way.

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"

from abusive ex wives, skids and DH who make unreasonable demands. Until I came to this site, I was so isolated. I had no one to talk to or get help from. I am sure, out of contex of my situation, I sounded mean and nasty to skids but that is what constant abuse will do to you.

But the ladies on here were kind. They helped me work through my anger and my trauma. They didn't judge me. They encouraged me. They gave me advice or just sent me hugs. This became my safe place. The only place I could come and tell people what was going on and get helpl

I just wonder what other women will do if they come on this site and get bashed for feeling angry or hurt and not being politically correct in their venting. Who will help them?

Everyone is so concerned about the children. Everyone already thinks you are evil just because you became a step mom and nasty skids just reinforce that opinion. Well, it must be your fault. Is this going to become just another place where step mothers get bashed?

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"

It's sad that an adult can feel threatened by a child but that does not excuse name calling. It doesn't matter if it's a step child or a bio child. Name calling can be looked at as a form of verbal and emotional abuse. If a woman were in a relation ship with a man that constantly belittled her and called her mean names all of you would be telling her to leave this abusive relationship. How is it any different when it's an adult doing this same thing to a child??

to the point where they only concern themselves with the children and thus harm them by spoiling them and excusing their vicious behavior. Their are agencies to protect children and the sympothies automatically go to the children but in my experience, all this coddling turned auto nasty, hateful PAS'd skids with no empathy for their name callign and mental torture to DH and myself.

Where is the place for step mom's to get support? Oh yeah right, we don't need support because we should just walk away from our marriages because it's so much better to let PAS'd children have everything they want so they can manipulate dad and grow up and put a hammer through the wall like the mother did and end up alone because they feel so entitled to their feelings because they are victims. I forgot. DH's and SM's have no rights. This is not a family problem. I am not human. I do not have feelings. I am just here to pay for everything and be abused.

I get it. Well, you know, I changed the rules. Children now have rules. They are not allowed to act out anymore because BM brainwashed them and BM is now in charge of her own house not ours. They now have to respect the fact that (oh no!) Step mom has feelings too and they are not the only person that matters in the house. You know what, they are nicer. They have more friends and the house is more peaceful. I don't think it's better that I left at all. These kids are going to see what a normal wife acts like.

My point in all these postings is that THE ONLY PLACE I GOT ANY DECENT SUPPORT OR ADVICE IS HERE. Even the counselor while sympathetic was not empathetic and was no help at all. Maybe if someone actually cared about the feelings of step parents, the kids would actually be better off. Has anyone thought about that. That step parents that have been abused need a safe place to go. And while there are step parents that aren't the best, by and large what I have seen on this site is women who have been treated terribly by step children and DH's and BM's sometimes being thrown out into the street with their biological children or are stuck in bad situations. Yes, I am lucky, I can leave but not everyone can and it's not always in the best interests of everyone to toss that nasty step mom out like a worthless piece of trash.

I am generally a very easy to get along with person who is described as reasonable. I have lots of options and resources. Seeing how badly this situation has impacted me, I cannot even imagine someone is a more vulnerable emotional state and/or have less financial resources would have dealt with this. Step parents need support and if they can't get it here, where will they get it????

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"