you should be able to do all of the doctor's visits, teacher meetings. Since husband has full custody, as his wife, you are able to do all those things if he wants you too. I have been sm for past 7+ years, and I sign forms, go to meetings, etc...in my husband's stead for sd's as he had sole legal custody. I am all forms for emergencies, generally before BM because she doesn't live locally, so how can she help?

I do not think a total termination of rights is ever a good thing. All children deserve chance to know both parents, and make their own decisions about them. Since BM is incarcerated, DH and you basically are the primary caregivers. BM may swoop in and out, but she has no legal baseis to come in and try to take the girls.

I suggest that DH just seek full legal and custodial custody of the girls, with the mom getting visitation, which means she can't just show up any time unnannounced.

I think you should. The girls deserve a good mom and you are just that person. Settling legally will protect them in case BM tries to get them later on. I don't know about in our state, it could happen. The biological parents have all the rights no matter what they've done--even to the detriment of the children and it is tragic.

Regardless, I would do it to protect them today from her visits and to ensure they can get medical care and yes, that you will have them in case something happens to DH. Some times you have to do things that kids may not understand to protect them and this is one of those instances. Their safety is paramount.

I would consult with a therapist to see if supervised visits are in their best interest. Given what you've said about BM, I wonder if they might be harmful

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"

I would try if you could. If she cleans up her act later you can always offer her some time with the kids.

I would rather be hated for who I am, then loved for who I am not.

from joint legal custody to sole custody? If your dh does this, then he can make the determination of who can sign for the children in medical emergencies as well as create a living will where he can designate whom ever he chooses to take legal custody of minor children should anything ever happen to him. Also, this is where he can request supervised visitations with bm or her family. Just a thought.

If Dh and I had enough evidence we would do exactly that.

My Sd feels the same about her mom, loves her and cannot see the dangers, and that is where a responsible parent has to step in and make the hard decisions.

When being preped by an attorney for giving testimony at a hearing, I was told one of the quesitons the opposing attny may ask is if I believe it is in the child's best interests not to see her mother.

While my first thoughts are of how aweful that would be as a parent to loose your kids, the proper answer is yes. Under certain circumstances it is in the child's best interest not to see their parent.

I have to then try to put myself in BM's shoes and say, yes, if I was not mentally capable of protecting my child from physical or mental harm, I would rather somone take the steps to give them a better life. I realize it's silly to try to think in her shoes, but it's simply my attempt to make sense out of a sensless, sad situation.

In a perfect world, BM, DH, the kids and I would all live happily ever after. But this is not a perfect world and there are some very sick people out there, including our BM's, and they are sick enough they don't know they are sick. We cant' allow them to cause harm to come to ANY children, and especially not their own simply because they hold the title of "biological mother". That's not fair to the kids, they didn't get a choice and they cannot protect themselves.

Like you said, if BM gets her act together you and Dh can always agree to supervised visits so they can know her, while still having them legally protected.

I can take SD to Dr appts etc. but like you said, if something happened to DH BM would most likely get SD. An attorney told us I would have to petition the Court for custody of SD because BM is unfit, but more than likely BM would have possession of SD until the case was heard.

No, you and your DH are right to consider it and I would say do it now. If your BM is anything like ours, she screws up, then cleans up just enought to convince the court she's learned her lesson, then falls back into her dangerous and destructive ways. Don't allow her even one more chance at hurting your SD's, take the steps to know you did all you could to keep them safe.

Just like so many decisions we must make for our kids as parents, they probably won't understand until they are parent's themselves.

Please keep us up on what you guys decide and how it goes.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I---
I took the one less traveled by,
and that made all the difference. -Robert Frost-