talking and comparing stories so I'm gonna! LOL

Last night Dh and I were checking out of the grocery store. I was carrying on a conversation with him and didn't even notice that his x~not BM~ walked into the store. She gave him a huge grin and waved and he just turned his head to look at me. I guess it offended her and she turned and left the store.

He told me about it in the car and we were talking and I said that it's kindave rude really to wave and cheese it up to my husband with me standing right there with him.........because yes, they have slept together!

We both think along the same lines on most issues, which is why we are so great for each other. Weather they are right or wrong it doesn't matter, it's just how we feel. And we both feel that we do not want the other "associating" per say with anyone that we've ever "been" with. He don't like it, and I don't like it!

Personally I don't think you can. I know there are success stories here and there with x's getting along great, and that's wonderful. But I think that's a more for the kids kind of thing. JMO.

~all you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust...and sometimes a machine gun~

I couldn't even think of flirting with my ex OR being attracted him in ANY way. We get along for the most part but our communication is strictly text message and email unless it's something really big. He's disgusting in my eyes...I wouldn't touch him with someone else's vag. he's just nasty...
As for my DH and having women he previously rode the hobby horse with...he doesn't see it as an issue because most of them hate him now for being a jerk so it's not something we have to deal with regularly }:)

The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957

I am friends with most of my ex's. My DH has even hung out with them, but I don't "want" them anymore, and they feel the same. We can be friends without wanting to jump in the sack.

Now, my DH's exGF (right after BM & his divorce) does the flirting thing with him. She was still trying to get with him even after we were married, so I do have a problem with her. But the rest of them, nah. We even invited a few of our ex's to the wedding. But it's just that one I have issues with.

I think it is possible to maintain a civil relationship when there are kids involved...but kiddos or not I don't think a friendship is possible. (my personal opinion from personal experiences) I think that if you open yourself up to a friendship, you don't give your heart room to heal or "close itself off" from those ex's...and that will only lead to temptation and then pain. I think if you draw lines and set guidelines then you can keep things just civil with open lines of communication for kids' sake.

"Live well, Love much, Laugh often."

In fact, when I was younger, I was proud of the fact that I was friends with ALL of my exes. But:

1) I think it's maybe possible for the one who breaks it off -- after all, that person doesn't care anymore. But the likelihood of both people getting to a place where they feel completely platonic is probably nil. The moment that changed my mind was this: I had a boyfriend for about 4 years, and I broke it off. After that we were what I thought was platonic friends for about 3 years. Then one day we were hanging out having a beer, and he said to me, "BB, do you think we'll ever get back together again?" I realized that he still had feelings for me and I had had NO idea. So I said, "Sorry, it's never gonna happen" and began to distance myself from him, b/c I realized it wasn't healthy.

2) Like I said, I used to be proud that I was friends with ALL my exes. But there was a point where I realized that dragging along this string of ex-boyfriend platonic friends into new relationships was kind of an A-hole thing to do to the new BFs. So I decided to not do it anymore. I think that even if you can feel platonic toward them, your new partner might not feel so comfortable with it -- so that injects another level of unlikelihood that the entire thing is platonic, even if you personally don't feel anything.

IMHO.

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

He remained friends with the most recent ex for a while after we were together. (not BM, so in my opinion, no reason to be communicating) Turns out, she was still in love with him, may be to this day, but it all came out in counseling and my thinking is that if a professional counselor looks you in the eye and says, "you can't remain friends with someone you've been intimate with, feelings don't go backwards", then I say that's the way it is. Now, intimate doesn't always mean love, so if someone slept with "just a friend" at some point, oddly, I think they would stay just friends. So here are the tests that I would put it to:

1. Were they in love at any point? That makes it a no-no.

2. Is the ex carrying a torch? Absolutely off limits. Ignore all calls, texts, e-mails for multiple reasons. Disrespectful to your current, gives false hope to ex, doesn't allow closure for ex to move on, possible you may be flattered by attraction at a vulnerable time and say or do something you'll regret.

3. How long ago was it? More than 10 years ago, odds are there's no harm in innocent "hi, how have you been" comments on facebook or wherever, as long as they are posted publicly (not private messages that they only want him to see) Which brings me to the most important test...

4. Is it all out in the open, or is the communication being hidden? THAT ALONE tells you the nature of it. If they comment his wall where everyone can see it, they're probably not being sneaky. What is his status on there? Is he clear that he's happily in a relationship? Or is he hiding that? If they are sending him private messages, calling him only when he's away from you like at work, or trying to chat with opening statements like "can you talk?" or in any way trying to determine if he's alone at the time, there is a problem. A BIG one.

I simply adore my EH... as long as I'm not living with him! LOL! We were married very young and were always more of best friends than husband/wife material. We had a few rough years after we split (when he married Satan) but once he was rid of her it was all good again. We talk often about perfectson stb17 and now he's all into telling me about his divorce AND his new girlfriend, who I've already met. (Any questions why he isn't husband material? LOL!!) But I love him to death for being perfectson's BD AND for being my friend. DH has no problems with him because he knows him and knows how he is and knows there's absolutely nothing to worry about 'like that'.

When I married DH I moved to his VERY small town and have run into numerous ex-gf's of his, even a few that were one-nighters. It was pretty funny because I actually really liked all but one of them and I hate her almost as much as BM!

So it is definitely possible to stay friends with an ex IF everyone is on the same page. I joke that I'm too old to worry about jealousy crap and if a man expects me to "fight" for him then he's not worth my time. JMO of course!

I personally steer clear of the ex-boyfriends. My second boyfriend, who I never slept with, being the only exception. It's been over 13 years since we dated (which was only like a year, on & off). He was very immature & treated me badly. My father HATED this guy!!! The girl he started dating immediately after me stalked me for several years (I'm not kidding). It was awful.

A few years ago, my father mentioned seeing this guy. He's now with a really nice girl, is a stepfather to her children & they now have a child of their own together. He's definitely grown up. My dad now actually LIKES him! I run into him & his family every now & then. I'm truly happy for him & glad that we can chat without it being weird. There are NO leftover feelings on either end, that I can tell you!

But again, we never slept together. And it was a teenage relationship. He was in a band. I was little miss goodie two shoes. lol. If we had slept together, I wouldn't even consider chatting with him when I ran into him. I know it would make my husband uncomfortable because I'd be uncomfortable if the shoe was on the other foot. Of course, my husband obviously slept with BM & I have to deal with her on a regular basis. So he owes me one! Ha! Yeah right. I still try to repress any thoughts of my husband having been intimate with BM. She is just so nasty. Why anyone would have sex with her -- let alone UNPROTECTED sex -- is a complete mystery to me. They have got to be drunk, on drugs or into that whole Courtney Love/STD look. *shudder*

I asked when I met my husband was if he had any X's hanging around. THE VERY FIRST THING! He said NO. So I said YES.

Life is complicated enough, I do not need any additional drama. Some people might have X's in their life---I say, have at it. I won't do that to my husband and he isn't going to do it to me, no matter how tame it might seem.

My life, my choice, my decision!

I feel if you feel secure in your relationship and truly trust your partner then you shouldn't have a problem with them having friendships with their ex's. As a matter of fact one of MY ex's introduced me to FH. The two of them now hang out and my ex has been over to dinner (several times) with us and the skids and FH doesn't bat an eye. I've met and hung out with his ex-girlfriends as well...even gone out with a few of them by myself for jewelry parties, etc and haven't had a problem. FH and I both share our text messages and voicemails from ex's and if it sounds "bad" then we both know whats going on and know that we aren't hiding anything from each other. I know he isn't leaving me for someone else and he knows I'm not leaving him for someone else. It just comes down to trust and honesty I guess...speaking about a "parent" relationship only.