Generally speaking, we as stepmothers don't really have any rights. As for mediation, what's it about? Are you going to support your DH or is it an issue that involves DH, BM AND you? Full custody? Not sure what the specific laws are in NC but I do know where I am, you have to show how changing the custody would be in the child's best interest. Is the 50/50 share custody actually reality or do you guys do most of it?

But when DH has been through mediation - several times now - only once since we have been married. I didn't attend. It is basically between the parents of the child to come to an understanding or agreement before going to court.

Even in court, in the past I have not attended - and they have been 4-5 times last year alone. April 2008 - child support - denied, May 2008 - summer visitation and 1/2 meeting point for exchanges, October 2008 - More money & health insurance - denied, December 2009 - summer visitation again - to get 6 weeks request heard - but continued because BM claimed she had research and additional motions to file - i.e. the abuse deal.

I have not attended one of those court dates because I would have had no say at them at all. Even though I am his wife - this child is between BM and DH.

Now however for the upcoming case, I have no choice to be in attendence as she has alleged I am abusing my stepdaughter to a counselor and the school. Plus claim we leave her in unknown places and she is utterly afraid of us.

However, I tend to want to stay out of that aspect of things. I will support my husband - but realize I really have no say so as far as the court is concerned..... unless BM brings me into it.

I would go as moral support and that is about it. I do the same when we attend events. I am not aggresive about my attendence - in order to make sure BM has nothing negative to say about me or my daughter. I speak to BM and her family and keep it moving.

no third parties are in mediation. Really the parents of the child and the people who have rights (no offense, just factual) need to be encouraged to get on the same page and find some common ground that will meet both of their needs. Many times, AFTER that common ground is found, and when everyone can be productive and respectful, it is entirely appropriate to bring the new spouses into the conversation and depending on their ages- even the children. When everyone works together and has input in a solution- it's more likely that no one will resent the solution.

"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love." -Jennifer Edwards

unless both the bio parents agree to you attending. I learned this when we had to go to mediation. It's because you honestly don't have any legal rights as a stepparent so they don't feel you need to be there